Should I still be sleeping with him

mumof2 · 07-17-2009, 10:43 AM

Yes I know I am being weak but maybe its because ultimately I am totally, utterly and completely devastated and struggling each day to control the overwhelming sadness.

mumof2 · 07-17-2009, 10:49 AM

Sorry preso I meant to thank you for the link. Am going to search now. Usually we go to regular places and if I am lucky I get 2 choices of food!

preso · 07-17-2009, 12:27 PM

well, this is a way you can have some fun too... ( maybe some household help too, like him doing the shopping with you or going himself) as its not all about him. Having sex with him is not the way to feel loved or even in control.
Not under these circumstances.

Think of more things YOU would like to do, eat, etc.. and ask him to go with you, encourage him to have fun and good company while he accompanies you. That it would be nice for him to do more than just have sex.
Not saying you should never hve sex with him again, but it should be when he forfills your other needs and is being nice not in anticiaption of getting laid.
If he still ends up leaving you... at least you won't feel used and lied to as he will be an active partner in the relationship, not just a sex partner.

mumof2 · 07-17-2009, 12:48 PM

Spot on preso. We have been out a couple of times in recent weeks and I think H surprised himself that we had a nice time.

He has said he still enjoys my company, so that is a start. H is stuck at an airport now and has been texting while he waits. Just light hearted stuff, but this is what it used to be like.

I miss him

preso · 07-17-2009, 06:18 PM

mumof2 · 07-18-2009, 04:09 AM

ITS THE WEEKEND. i HATE THE WEEKENDS.

Have just been to the gym felling better about myself I think and even better that H could not keep his eyes off my bottom in my lycra gym kit!
I pretended not to notice him looking

dcrim · 07-19-2009, 03:52 PM

mmm, hey, mum! Post a pic for an independant evaluation! I'm an expert! Or, at least have lots of experience!

I'm sure you're doing fine, girl...keep it up!

Weekends are good...time to relax, drink, eat, have fun...do your own thing, live for yourself, recharge for the next work week. Or get lots of sleep/rest time for yourself.

Preso, I did that voluntarily (and still got screwed - and not in the good way!). I helped paint the insides of the house, fixed up the outside, trimmed the yard, (re)planted flowers (with her guidance, I'm not a gardening person), cleaned out the "junk" (put it into storage)...all to make it more attractive for her to sell. Guess what? She took it off the market and married a sugar daddy to help keep it. "Around the house" jobs do NOT cut it! Sorry, a little rant.

mumof2 · 07-20-2009, 07:02 AM

Just keep that image in your head dcrim.

He admitted to me later that he found it a real turn on, but I have resisted so far.

dcrim · 07-20-2009, 08:12 AM

hee hee..just trying to get a rise out of you, girl! glad you're still here!

mumof2 · 07-20-2009, 11:56 AM

well it certainly brought a smile to my face I can tell you. And that has been sadly lacking just lately

Danielson67 · 06-28-2011, 11:50 PM

What are the EXACT reasons why he wants to separate? Obviously it's not the sex. Find the "why's" and set a goal of fixing the marriage, dealing with one "why" at a time. Everything is possible if you are willing to dig deep and find the problems and then commit 110% to dealing with them. Even if you are the only one, at first, who wants to fix it, I believe your words, attitudes and actions can influence him to "get on board"... 21 years of marriage isn't something you just throw away without a fight... I should know, we just celebrated our 20th last week. Give it all you have and try to fix it.

Jellybeans · 06-30-2011, 08:16 AM

Should I still be sleeping with him?

No. Not when he wants a separation from you. You see, as long as you keep this up, he gets all his needs met, and you get... crumbs.

Is he cheating? If so, you're putting yourself at risk for STDs.

Amplexor · 06-30-2011, 08:17 AM

This thread is from 2009. The OP is long gone