Should I still be sleeping with him
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships »The Ladies' Lounge » Should I still be sleeping with him

The Ladies' Lounge Sharing and support.

Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 07-11-2009, 05:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Should I still be sleeping with him

Oh my what a mess.

Some of you know the story that after 21 years of marriage of H wants us to separate, but is still in the house and in my bed.

Things have been horrible but we are still having sex, great sex too. My mind is all over the place. This is not just a one off either it is often, more than before he told me. Why are we doing this
mumof2 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-11-2009, 06:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 145
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Since my long-term marriage didn't turn out so well, I'm probably not the best to offer advice. But, based on your other posts, I would have to say NO. Just look at the grief this man's actions have caused you. He doesn't want to be married to you, but he wants sex. I would have a frank talk with him. Tell him that he is the one who has CHOSEN to end the marriage. And the sex (or lack there of) goes with that decision. Since he wants to end the marriage, he really needs to leave the house! It is almost as though he is torturing you--wants a divorce, but won't leave the bed or the house. I'm sorry; he needs to leave you alone or be a husband. He can't have it both ways!
Country Girl is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 06:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

I know, its madness.

I understand all this, it just doesn't seem that easy when we are here together.

I probably need to confront him and tell him to decide once and for all. But he admits that he still finds me sexually attractive. Am I just settling for this as it is better than nothing
mumof2 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 07:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,295
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Quote:
Originally Posted by Country Girl View Post
Since my long-term marriage didn't turn out so well, I'm probably not the best to offer advice. But, based on your other posts, I would have to say NO. Just look at the grief this man's actions have caused you. He doesn't want to be married to you, but he wants sex. I would have a frank talk with him. Tell him that he is the one who has CHOSEN to end the marriage. And the sex (or lack there of) goes with that decision. Since he wants to end the marriage, he really needs to leave the house! It is almost as though he is torturing you--wants a divorce, but won't leave the bed or the house. I'm sorry; he needs to leave you alone or be a husband. He can't have it both ways!


preso is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 07:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,205
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

What are you getting out of the sex, you are saying "Yes"...
Sandy55 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 07:57 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Well actually the sex is great so at least I get that out of it.

I suppose the rest of the time I am kidding myself!!
mumof2 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,295
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

With you, I don't think from reading your posts you can seperate sex and love. Having sex with him is confusing to you in that he wants to end the marriage and why I think its not a good idea for you.

It will only serve to drive you crazy and confuse you.
preso is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

I know, I know , I know

Am feeling so bad, some attention is better than none. H doesn't make me feel cheap, I am doing that all by myself
mumof2 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:11 AM   #9 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,295
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Some food for thought...

If you keep sleeping with him he will be able to control you...
and in this situation that could be a very bad thing.. FOR YOU.
preso is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:17 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Thanks preso

I need telling straight

I am kidding myself that I can have sex without strings. While H obviously can, I cant. Is it like everything else that he is staying to make it easier for me, so is sex all part of that idea of his.

He knows I love him, although I actually haven't told him that at all lately, so is he abusing that. I would like to think not, but like all this he does appear in control.
mumof2 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,205
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Time for YOU to take control. Know what I mean? If he controls you, you will slide d-o-w-n. Get a grip...you can do it! Don't let yourself function out of fear.
Sandy55 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:23 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

I am turning into the desperate woman I promised myself I wouldn't become, but I love him and don't want any of this. What does he really want, I am too scared to ask.
mumof2 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:23 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,205
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

I am moving out in a little less than a month, after 24 years of marriage where he had all the control (my kids).

I don't have anyone new and am not sure I will ever want anyone again. It is a little scary, but also breathtaking.
Sandy55 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 08:26 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: England
Posts: 232
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Sandy55

That will be me some time soon I know. I am just so scared. The kids are grown, now H will be gone. I have never been my own person, and don't quite know how to be
mumof2 is offline  
Old 07-11-2009, 09:07 AM   #15 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 4
Default Re: Should I still be sleeping with him

Sex confuses and muddles things when they aren't clear, it's why it's important to not have sex early in a relationship. I personally can't even go in to the sex arena if the emotional aspect as well as direction of things isn't on target. I hope you find the answers you need. Big hugs
shbuam is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Sleeping Dadwithtwolittlegirls Going Through Divorce or Separation 12 07-29-2012 08:49 PM
How do we get through the not sleeping? blueskies30 Coping with Infidelity 13 07-14-2012 11:39 PM
Is she sleeping around? michaell1 Coping with Infidelity 9 05-05-2012 12:52 PM
H's sleeping in getting later and later... walkingwounded General Relationship Discussion 26 05-01-2012 11:38 AM
Sleeping on the job! whatdoido The Family & Parenting Forums 1 02-24-2010 11:27 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:19 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage