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r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not cheating

18K views 91 replies 73 participants last post by  MattMatt 
#1 ·
r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not cheating

I ask this becuz my wife recently put a password lock on her phone. Her reason is becuz she doesnt trust that I will stay away from it. She thinks i will snoop becuz I snooped on her f/b and found she had an affair. That was back in July and she password protected her phone i'd say 2 months ago? She swears she isnt texting any other guys...she says she doesnt want me to read what she is writing to her g/f's and what her g/f's are writing to her. I cant say my trust for her is 100% since the affair. I havent caught her in any bad situations since and she is remorseful, but this phone thing is driving me nuts. Basically wondering if there are any women out there doing the same and not talking with dudes her husband wouldnt approve of. Please be honest. Shes 37 almost and we've been married for 8 years, together for almost 11.
 
#3 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Huge red flag dude, I would start snooping, she's up to something
 
#5 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

to the men answering, im not looking for ur input. I want to know if there are women outthere that do this same thing and r not up to n e thing. I realize what u guys are saying and trust me I have the exact same thoughts as u do, but im looking for specific women who do this with nothing to hide thats all.
 
#15 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

to the men answering, im not looking for ur input. I want to know if there are women outthere that do this same thing and r not up to n e thing. I realize what u guys are saying and trust me I have the exact same thoughts as u do, but im looking for specific women who do this with nothing to hide thats all.
My 13 yr old daughter locks her ipod touch....but her boyfriend has the password. Seems like she is a little more mature than your wife.
 
#6 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I will tell you this snooping on her phone isn't a guarantee of anything. She could delete things as they come in. She could get a burner phone, go underground, etc.

I wouldn't like my husband going through my phone (I'm a private person) but he wouldn't because I have nothing to hide. My phone is locked but he has the password.
 
#8 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I will tell you this snooping on her phone isn't a guarantee of anything. She could delete things as they come in. She could get a burner phone, go underground, etc.

I wouldn't like my husband going through my phone (I'm a private person) but he wouldn't because I have nothing to hide. My phone is locked but he has the password.
:iagree: this

I lock my phone bc of work.I don't pay for it either so if my employer tells me I have to keep it locked then I have no choice in the matter.
BUT if she has a history of being unfaithful I'd see her locking her phone as a red flag.
 
#9 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Why are you still with her?


Seriously i can understand the phone being locked for work purposes. But LOL at the idea that its normal for a spouse to NOT want their partner to look at their phone. You should be able to randomly see your spouses phone and "snoop". On the off chance you are feeling paranoid/insecure, the loving spouse should be quick to reassure you that NOTHING is happening, and will be quick to prove it to you by giving you their phone.
 
#11 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

One of the few legitimate reasons to have a phone password protected is because you use it for work purposes and you do sensitive work where having the phone unlocked, should it be stolen/go missing would be a security issue.

IE - you are a doctor, and patients have your cell phone number. Anyone else having access to your voicemail might technically violate privacy laws, even if the person is indeed your spouse.

The other is if you have small children, and don't want them accidentally calling Thailand if they get a hold of your phone and start smashing buttons.

However, OP - obviously you know if either of those situations apply.
 
#12 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I know the OP is looking for answers, specifically from the ladies, but i think they pretty much answered that by now. If caught in an affair, you lose the right... to be private about anything. She supposed to be "building trust"... instead she's continuing to shatter it.

What's next is up to you, because if i were you, i'm already thinking the worst. Somethings going on. U already requesting access to the phone has probably given her a reason to go even further underground with her cheating. So by the time you access it, there's nothing left on there.
 
#13 · (Edited)
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Everyone with a smartphone should have it password protected. Everyone. No exceptions.

There is just too much information on it these days. People dont realize how they are exposing themselves.

Share passwords if you have trust issues, but dont leave it without basic protection from casual inspection and intrusion by undesirables.

Credentials: IT security expert. Give me your phone for 4 minutes - I can ruin your life.
 
#14 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Gigs up. First off, I have never cheated and I don't password lock anything.

If she had not cheated it might not be that big of an issue. But she did. And it would be a deal breaker for me if my FWH was to lock down anything...let alone his phone.

Do yourself a favor and ask her to unlock it so you can look. Watch her response.....bet she freaks the crap out.
 
#16 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

As your W has had an affair, she should be completely transparent with you regarding her phone and online activities. It is her job to rebuild your trust in her, and locking her phone is obviously going to make you feel uneasy - particularly as she has told you that it's in case you snoop!

I don't password protect my rather antiquated phone, but my SO has a Smart Phone and, for safety, keeps it password protected.
 
#19 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

My personal cell stays locked because of my managerial position at work and risk of theft. The day I password protected it, I showed my husband exactly how to open it and have told him the password, UNASKED, several times. My work cell is not locked and never will be. I have nothing to hide. A relationship cannot survive with secrets and hiding.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#25 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I will never understand why someone would need to protect their "privacy" from their spouse. That is so shady.
Everyone has different privacy needs, and boundaries. My husband isn't allowed to touch my desk (except to use the pc), workbench, scaly pets and their gubbins, experiments or plant collections. Partly because he might damage them through ignorance but partly because it makes me feel intensely uncomfortable. It may not make a lot of sense but its important to me.

Oh and the bathroom door should be at least partly closed if someones using the toilet!

What rings my alarm bells with the phone is that it wasn't private before. What changed?
 
#22 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Yes my phone is locked and I refuse to give spouse the code.

NO I am not cheating, never have, and in 20 years NO ONE has ever told my spouse that they have ever seen me or heard of me doing anything with another person that is inappropriate.

My phone was not originally locked and I shared all my passwords on a family spreadsheet that spouse had full access to.

My spouse has severe trust issues and insecurities and they have nothing to do with me.

Both issues have been prevelant our entire relationship. Initially I did what most do, I tried to reassure spouse that they had nothing to worry about. I did it for years and it never helped.

In fact it made it worse, the more I was willing to explain, provide exact details, the longer I would allow the interrogation to go on, the more my spouse expected. To the point that I would have to explain the same thing 4-5-6 times, go through every detail, which road, what time, who I talked to, what we talked about and so on. If I changed a word or rephrased my explaination, then I was called a liar or spouse would claim I said something I didn't say. After years, as you can imagine, I got tired of that and decided at that point there was nothing I could do to ever make my spouse feel secure or trust me, it was up to my spouse to deal with it.

It doesn't matter what I say, my spouse doesn't believe me.

Recent conversation---
Spouse- "Do you know where my keys are"
Me- No
Spouse- "Were you in my car this morning?"
Me- No
Spouse- "You werent in my car this morning?"
Me- I just said I wasn't.
Spouse- "Were you in my car last night?
Me- no
Spouse- "You werent in my car last night or this morning?
Me- No. The last time I was in your car was before you went on your trip.
Spouse- " yeah sure...uhm hm...mumbling walking away.

Oh- and spouse does the same thing to our child.

My phone is locked and will remain locked and my spouse will not be given the code until they choose to deal with their insecurity and trust issues and stop blaming them on me.
 
#32 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Yes my phone is locked and I refuse to give spouse the code....

My phone is locked and will remain locked and my spouse will not be given the code until they choose to deal with their insecurity and trust issues and stop blaming them on me.
Well good for you. Putting your foot down like that. Drawing this one final line in the sand. :rolleyes:

I might too I suppose if my wife was that insane. Seems sortof pointless though - adding fuel to her insecurity.
 
#23 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

Seriously. The fact that you are even giving an ear to this AFTER you caught her cheating says a lot about your marriage. And on another note. What someone else allows in their marriage has little do with how comfortable or uncomfortable something makes you feel. For example, if every guy you knew was ok with letting their wives go out to clubs and bars alone on the weekends would you consider doing it? Rhetorical btw.
 
#24 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

My husband and I both have locks on our phones for safety reasons, in case the phones get stolen, BUT we both have the passwords for each others phones. He can use my phone/go through it when ever he wants, although he never does. The same goes for me.

Since she has cheated in the past, it is a red flag that she has a lock on her phone that she won't share the password with you.
 
#26 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I password protect my cellphone for safety reasons. I often have it on top of my work desk and I don't want some nosy colleague going through it when I'm at the copier or talking to someone. My husband knows my password so no secrets there. The password is to protect the phone from outsiders, not my husband.
 
#27 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I lock mine because my butt has pocket dialed people before but my H has my password. We share all passwords. No secrets.

The fact that she says it's to stop you snooping says it all really.

Sorry.
 
#28 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I lock my phone and stbx did have my password. We used each other's cell phones etc. I was not cheating.

I also locked my cell when I was with long term boyfriend, never cheated on him either.

The reason I locked my cell were more if I lost it etc
In your wife's defense I would not want my husband reading all of my texts either - sometimes women talk and things get misinterpreted.

I guess it just seems fishy because she was unfaithful.
 
#29 ·
Re: r there women in marriages who "password protect" their cellphones but r not chea

I have a password on my phone but it's to keep my kids off my phone. My 7 year old will pick it up to play games. If my husband wanted to check my phone I have no problem giving him my password because I have nothing to hide.
 
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