I'm assuming you're quite young and you have a small child also.
Venusina, YOU need to decide what YOU want out of life. You've been on TAM for almost a year and nothing has changed for you, has it?
- Your husband has hit you out of anger.
- Your husband refuses to discuss anything with you.
- Your husband is convinced that you are always wrong (nagging) and he is always right (being picked on by you).
- Your husband is an alcoholic (gets drunk every other month).
- Your husband ignores you.
- Your husband does NOT include you in his social life.
- Your husband thinks his friends' shoddy treatment of their wives is funny.
- Your husband believes that if YOU'RE UNHAPPY that is YOUR problem.
- Your husband blames whatever marital problems there are on YOU being a nag.
- After he's done something really wrong, he will occasionally do something nice for you to try to 'make up for it'. (like the $$)
- He's perfectly content with your marriage if you would just learn to shut up.
- You fear conflict.
- You have been hit twice in anger by your husband.
- You try to discuss marital problems, but he refuses to listen.
- You want to be included in his social life and he refuses.
- You want to feel love, but you feel ignored.
- You believe that YOU nag too much.
- You want to be respected, but don't know how.
That's how it was a year ago, right? And that's still how it is now.
NOTHING will change until YOU decide to change it.
NOTHING will change until YOU decide you are WORTH being treated correctly.
NOTHING will change until YOU decide WHAT you want your life, your marriage to look like...and you are UNWILLING to 'settle' for less.
- Do you have any education beyond high school?
- Do you have any job experience?
- Are you currently employed outside the home?
- Does your family live nearby and are they supportive of you?
- Does your family know your husband has hit you (do NOT say that you deserved it, because GROWN ADULT MEN do NOT hit women. They may yell and get angry, but they don't hit.)
You and your husband are your daughter's role models for how to be a man/woman, and adult, a spouse. IS THIS what you want your daughter to believe growing up? That men are more important than women? That a husband can/should ignore his wife if he doesn't like what she's saying? That it's okay to hit a woman (and if you're a woman, you're just supposed to take it) if she pisses you off?
Because *THAT* is EXACTLY what you two are and will continue to teach your daughter as she's growing up. Her boyfriends will ignore her and hit her, her husband will do the same. Do you want *THAT* for your baby? Do you want better for her?
Then SHOW HER how adults and women are SUPPOSED to live!
You have to be willing to WALK AWAY from this marriage if you have to if that is the only way to keep you (your baby's mother) and your baby safe. If you're not safe, how is she? If you're injured, who'll care for her? What is the WORST THING that would happen to you if you left your husband?
He'd hunt you down? You have no job? You'd be homeless? You'd have trouble finding food for money? You don't know how to live on your own? Whatever it is that you fear...ALL the things that you fear...there are people and resources to help you and your baby get back on your feet!
The BEST THINGS that would happen to you if you left your husband are: no more hitting (you or baby, because trust me...her time will come), no more fighting, self-respect, good role model(s) for baby, a sense of pride and accomplishment as you take care of your daughter.
You don't sound ready to leave your husband, although you really should. He's a VIOLENT drunk. Just because he doesn't hit you often doesn't matter; once is TOO MUCH. Suppose he loses his job? Suppose you get pregnant again? Can his drinking and temper sustain the stress? Doubtful!
Please reach out to SOMEONE for help: your family, your religious leader, a women's abuse hotline, someone! Start making plans one step at a time. When you break it down step by step you'll see that any goal you have IS achievable.
Your husband will NOT change without a GREAT MOTIVATION to do so. Moving out would BE that motivator. He either steps up and becomes the man he SHOULD BE (with counseling), or he doesn't and you need to walk away before he hurts you permanently.
Good luck, honey!