I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted
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Old 08-23-2009, 03:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

I have been married for a little over 6 months and I am starting to see my husband for the person he really is. He's always been lazy and complains about everything I ask of him. He starts an argument if I ask him to take out the trash. Also, he's selfish, we purchased a new home and he refuses to add my name to the title after asking him for 6 months to do this. He pays the mortgage through an online site with a password that I have no access to. And to add, he's a MINISTER. He doesn't treat me as the bible says a husband should treat his wife. I am tired of being treated like im nothing. I thought marriage was about compromise, communication, and compassion between two people. I don't feel as if he's cheating, I think he has issues about problems in his past that he won't communicate about. We have also been going to therapy for a little over a year and i've changed tremendously. I do whatever he needs of me because I respect the mariage. I am considering divorce but I know I made this committment with GOD, however, I want to call my ex boyfriend because he treated me like I was a queen and would do anything for me.
Please help me, I have no friends to talk to and I don't know what else to do to make him stop taking me for granted!!!
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Old 08-23-2009, 05:20 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

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Originally Posted by sns739 View Post
Please help me, I have no friends to talk to and I don't know what else to do to make him stop taking me for granted!!!
What's actually going on is that you are taking yourself for granted, and always looking for other people to access your value, because you don't value yourself. Now you're remembering your ex b/f in a better light because he seemed to value you more.

As a wise man once told me: "no one will ever value you more highly than you value yourself". Wake up now before the dream gets any worse
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Old 08-23-2009, 08:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

This proves to me what my grandmother always told me that preachers were bad husbands and to avoid marrying one, she also said many of her friends married to them were physically abused.

The thing about this sns is.... he was drawn to you and married you for specific traits you showed, one being you may be submissive and he can easily beat you down, make you do what he wants you to do. How are you going to change something you have started? or are?
If you try will it lead to him physically abusing you?
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Old 09-13-2009, 08:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

I agree with Mark - value yourself. Yes some things you have mentioned eg not adding your name to mortgage, not having access to bank accounts, not doing housework - is worthy of concern.
Don't give him reason to take advantage of you. Be self aware of how you are coming across to him and other people, for reference.
See a bigger picture - does he do other work around the house eg fixing the fence, painting a wall etc
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

You need to put your Bible away and get your head out of your ass.

You have married a classic sociopath control freak. In his mind he can control you better by not having your name on the title to the home and by giving you no visability as to the finances regarding the home.

He will continue to exert control over you through the use of religion. (i.e. God expects you to obey me (the husband) even though I am a complete as* hole).

His control over you will increase over time as he breaks down your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. There is no equal partnership here........and there never will be. He wants a mindless drone in his life to reinforce his own sense of superiority. The worse you feel about yourself the better he feels about himself.

He will continue all of this behavior because most Ministers and "Men of God" have deep psychological problems regarding the control of others.......they are not good marriage material.

"I want to call my ex boyfriend because he treated me like I was a queen and would do anything for me."
Sounds like High School to me............grow up, get out of this mess, learn to stand on your own two feet without a man.

Run - don't walk.

Last edited by EternalBacheor; 09-13-2009 at 10:13 PM.
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Old 09-13-2009, 09:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

I am tired of being treated like im nothing

What are you going to do about it? Honestly.. no one else can help you.. you need to decide what YOU want to do about it..

He's a jerk... you are allowing him to disrespect you.. to take you for granted.. he's a selfish jerk... get out.. don't wait.. it won't get any better..

Life is too short to live with a miserable azz like him..
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Old 09-16-2009, 03:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

You need to put your Bible away and get your head out of your ass.

Most people misinterpret what the bible says. Husband and wife are suppose to submit themselves to eachother. Not just the wife submitting herself and obeying her husband. So many people have that wrong!!!!

Your husband sounds like a control freak and an inconsiderate unappreciative Jack azz!! As long as you dont exert yourself or leave he will always be one...there's nothing you or therapy can do about it. He has to see fault to change. God can change a man who wants to change. Who will he have to control...but himself sitting in that house in HIS name ALL ALONE!!!

"husband is head of the wife"; then I Tim. 2:11-12, "She shall have no dominion over a man". Now don't stop at these verses and think that the only responsibility of the husband is to be HEAD of the house. By the way, head does not mean master as in a master-slave relationship, nor does it mean a relationship like a general to a private in the army. It is more like a partnership where one is the leader, guide, director. Now consider this. Can you think of any decision that a husband should make WITHOUT consulting or considering his wife and her wishes? I cannot!
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Old 09-16-2009, 05:16 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

Just lt you know, California is a community property state. If the home was purchased during your marriage using marital assets (read: his salary for being a "Man of God"), then the house is half yours regardless of what is on the deed or whose name the mortgage is in.

Not only that, you are responsible for the debts as much as he is.

So his little bit of trickery is really pointless. If push came to shove, the home's equity is half yours.

If i were you, I'd find a way to finesse getting the password for the mortgage payment site (use a keylogger on his computer, etc).

Also, go get the paperwork to fix the home ownership records yourself. Have them all ready for him to sign. Have access to all financial records you can find too.

PREPARE YOURSELF for him refusing by consulting an attorney FIRST. Then press for a divorce if he doesn't do it.

But do give him a chance to actually do it.

He won't, but give it a try.

Then when he refuses? Act swiftly before he hides assets.
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Old 09-18-2009, 11:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm tired of my husband taking me for granted

Hi,

It really gets on my nerves with this bible stuff.

Christian means follower of Christ - ie exhibiting Christ-like behaviour. Your husband is doing none of that.

Jesus washed the feet of his disciples for goodness sake! And your husband complains about putting out the trash....sheesh.

Stand up for what you believe in. You should be allowed to see the family finances. You are not asking to meddle in them are you? You don't want to spend all the money, you are just asking to see!

The other poster is right about valuing yourself. Write down 20 things that are great about you, big things and small things. Read it every day. Your husband has a prize in you - Proverbs 31 v 10 - "A capable wife who can find? Her value is far more than that of corals."

Start valuing yourself, see yourself as the great woman you are, and make sure he knows about it too.

When he starts to put you down or even hits you, get up and leave.

Do not have any children to this man!

Best wishes,

EF
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