marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

Hey ladies, wondering who ......... if anyone agreed to OBEY or serve your husband in your vows?

I made sure those words did not come up and for some reason if they did... I planned to just gloss over them and say what I wanted...
as I wasn't going to vow to obey or serve my husband, after all its not the 1950's.
Wondering if anyone agreed to that and said that in your vows? or is that pretty much not said anymore when getting married?
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

I think that wording may be outdated, but might still be used in some ceremonies. The 'standard' where we married was love, honor and cherish...which we both said to one another...

Obey....hmmmm....depends who has the whip that night...j/k
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Old 09-03-2009, 09:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

i dont have quite the cataclysmic aversion for the word "obey" as others i guess. just today my h and i were talking about how we felt if my brother, who is homosexual, were to bring his partner around our kids. i personally have no issues with it but it seems my h does. i would obey his wishes that my brother and his partner not be around our children if he felt strongly about it. i dont have a problem with thinking i obey my H. but then i dont have a problem telling him off, either.
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Old 09-03-2009, 11:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

Most people take that out of context....

"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body."

I was concerned with this when I got married in last winter and my minister said that we don't "obey" so much as if our husbands love us as church loved christ then we will in turn treat them well and support them in all things - it is cyclical - if we are only expected to do the obey part (which is what is always brought up - the whole lay down your life for her part hardly ever is) then it doesn't work.
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Old 09-04-2009, 10:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

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Originally Posted by swedish View Post
I think that wording may be outdated, but might still be used in some ceremonies. The 'standard' where we married was love, honor and cherish...which we both said to one another...

that was what we "agreed" on in 1990
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Old 09-04-2009, 11:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

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that was what we "agreed" on in 1990
by who?
the pope or something?
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Old 09-04-2009, 11:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

I'm also 1/2 Greek and the Easter bread is braided with a red hard-boiled egg baked in (the eggs are all red to symbolize the blood of Christ) When I was young I asked why the braid? And my father said in ancient times, if the husband died, the wife would be buried with him...I guess she drank some poison or something...apparently they didn't have the 'til death do us part' clause

At some point....ancient greek women's lib I guess...they decided that was a bit radical and instead the wife would not cut her hair. If the husband died, her braid of hair was cut and buried with her husband.

Now they don't do that but they bake bread in the form of a braid for Easter.
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Old 09-04-2009, 11:20 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

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I'm also 1/2 Greek and the Easter bread is braided with a red hard-boiled egg baked in (the eggs are all red to symbolize the blood of Christ) When I was young I asked why the braid? And my father said in ancient times, if the husband died, the wife would be buried with him...I guess she drank some poison or something...apparently they didn't have the 'til death do us part' clause

At some point....ancient greek women's lib I guess...they decided that was a bit radical and instead the wife would not cut her hair. If the husband died, her braid of hair was cut and buried with her husband.

Now they don't do that but they bake bread in the form of a braid for Easter.


I guess the old way of burial with the husband prevented any women from getting the idea to poison him

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Old 09-04-2009, 12:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

Mine was changed to Cherish I think.. Need to look at the video tape..
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Old 09-04-2009, 12:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

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by who?
the pope or something?
to love, honor and cherish each other. we did not use obey in our marriage vows.
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Old 09-05-2009, 12:02 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

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Originally Posted by TNgirl232 View Post
"For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body."
This was read (and explained to MY family) at our ceremony in 1997. Our vows included to Love and Submit. There was no mention of obey.
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Old 09-06-2009, 01:44 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

ours had Obey in it....because I say it jokingly at my wife.

but I would never expect her to "obey" me....but I know other men that do....Usuallyt hose who are deeply into religion.

Common sense dictates it's a partnership, a team...no one is a ruler of the other.
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Old 09-06-2009, 06:28 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

submit and obey.... thats some scary stuff to commit to.

My husband has been so good recently, he is taking more time off and also re-assuring me about my worries with his kids... that they will ~~~ NOT ~~~~ come between us in our marriage due to their spoiled, unrealistic views as well as lots of drama.
He says stuff that makes me realize I was right to marry him. He is a good man. I told him about OBEY and if how I was asked to vow that I wasn't going to say it but say love, honor and cherish... as I was afraid somehow that OBey would come in...
submit may be worse ! ugh....

Love honor and "cherish" are the way to go.
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Old 09-06-2009, 04:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

I am all for the cherish...
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Old 09-06-2009, 05:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: marriage vows, to love, honor and OBEY?

Well, MY dh promised to

"Love, honor, and ogle"....

Or so it SEEMS.
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