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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 12:38 PM Thread Starter
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The ever complaining

Ok, ladies I hoping you can help me out. I'm new to this forum, but a friend of mine said you guys are great and I should try it out. My husband and have been married for 7yrs now. We have a 4yr old son and a 13 month old daughter. He works as a corrections officer Sun-Thur 3p-11p. My son just started preschool this aug and goes mwf 8-11 and on the same days my daughter goes to daycare all day. They go only 12-430 on Tues & Thurs. So he has them twice a week in the morning. All I am getting all the time is how tired he is and how exhausted he is. I understand he has to get up at 7a everyday, but 3 days a week has no kids and on the weekends I let him sleep late unless we have something going on. I don't know what to say to him without blowing my top. I don't want to sound insensitive or anything, but this has been grinding on me for the past few months. I kid you not in one conversation he'll mention how tired he is no less then 5 times. Ya know I'm tired too, I work M-F 8-430 and am a single mom every night for 2 kids along with ALL the housework because he's so tired. I get sick of crap laying around so I just do it. I don't know what to do to fix it. I've asked him what I could do to help him, but I don't get a response. When I bring it up, he turns it back on me and then I sound all insensitive and I don't care. So, if anyone could shed some light, I would be so grateful. Thank you in advance.

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 03:07 PM
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Re: The ever complaining

Wow, I have the exact same situation. I have a 5 month old and I work full time (usually overtime). I watch her in the mornings and my husband watches her at night. He complains ALL the time about how tired he is and he honestly thinks he works harder than me (I'm the only one who gets up with her at night and I probably usually work more hours than him). He's such a baby! Sorry I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to let you know I'm in the same exact boat. Isn't it so annoying? I don't know what to say to him either so I'm interested to hear any advice.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 07:33 PM
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Red face Re: The ever complaining

I will say men are good on certain things but not taking care of house or children. Im a man i get tired doing something like that too. I tell u what, I will rather work two jobs than work one and babysit all day or cleaning and getting the house in order. I will suggest give him the manly job. When a man say he is tired it does not mean he is tired physically but mentally he can not focus anymore. Also, i will suggest ur husband see a doctor for High Blood Pressure check up, it sometimes makes men tired.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-10-2009, 09:40 PM
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Re: The ever complaining

Maybe it is time to cut back--make due with less money until the kids are both in school. Yeah, it means giving up stuff, but if you are getting into the "who is more tired" debate, you need to know it is a lose/lose proposition. You are both tired, b/c you have two kids and a household and two jobs. If you could stay home, or work part-time, it might give you the rest you need, and perhaps he would agree to quit complaining about being tired. Be sure to have him see a doc to rule out physical causes, and find out if he is sleep-deprived from sleep apnea or something; is he actually sleepy or just "tired?" Being sleepy a lot can mean sleep apnea and that can lead to major health problems. If it is not that, tell him he needs to keep his complaints to himself b/c you are TOO TIRED to listen or care! And then, work really hard on just ignoring his complaints. Suggest cutting back on hours, moving to a smaller home/apt, whatever it takes to get through the next 5 years together in a reasonably happy state, b/c it DOES get easier when kids head off to school. They are sick less, they sleep better, and they aren't around to make so much housework! But, until then, try to come up with a plan you can both agree to try. Another thought is to hire help or simply ASK for help from a relative or really good friend. Sharing child care some regular times gives you and your friend both a break and often kids are easier to manage if they have a playmate, anyway. Maybe one afternoon you could keep her kid(s) and another she could take yours, and use the time to NAP. Or, quit your job and do in-home day care of a while; again, it's not that much more work if you take in one or two, you make some money, set your own hours, and are home to get a bit of laundry done each day and some other stuff, so your evenings aren't full of housework. Good luck!
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