Frustrated and Confused- please help.

trdn168 · 03-02-2008, 02:59 PM

I would like to start by saying I love my wife very much and want US to improve our marriage. My wife and I have been married for about 1 1/2 years. Our sexual relationship was never all that spontaneous or great (even before marriage), but it was at least good before we were married. I have always wanted it more than her. But, to her credit she never said no. I just wanted her to have a little interest as well.

We have not had sex since June. I am frustrated and feel rejected. My wife shows little to no interest in a sexual relationship...she says she is not feeling "connected" with me right now, but won't say why or what I can do to make things better. Do I just need to be more creative and "earn" affection from my wife? I don't think that is how a healthy marriage works, but I have been wrong before.

I work from home. My wife has a very good job, is dedicated to her career right now, and tends to work long hours at the office. We do not have any children.

We have a cleaning service for our home. I do the remaining chores (most of the time) like laundry, cooking, shopping, taking care of the finances, and taking care of the home maintenance. I am glad to do those things since my wife does work hard. All I am asking for is a healthy sex life. Is that too much?

Yes, I know I need to romance her and make love, not just have sex. I am all about that. As a matter of fact, that is the only kind of sex that we have. There is no such thing as a quickie. As a man, I would of course like to have a bit of both.

I also understand that this is only one side of the view, so it is tough to truely know the scenario without both of our views. I talked her into seeking some outside guidance but we have not gone yet.

Any suggestions? THANK YOU!

AliceIam · 03-02-2008, 03:58 PM

Communication is so important to make relationships work. If she says she's not feeling connected to you, ask her what you can do to bring her closer. If you have asked her about it and she won't tell you, maybe going to a relationship counselor would help. I think couples counseling is good for all couples to do even if the relationship is doing good at the time. Also, maybe you could suggest taking a sex free bath together. Try being intimate and close physically without it leading to sex. After a while I can't see how she could resist

draconis · 03-02-2008, 07:58 PM

First you should be doing everything you can to always show how you feel. A thank you for when she does stuff. Help around the house. Even a one a day and by that I mean something as simple as a note, a flower an e-mail etc every day to let her know how important she is, how much respect you have for her, how much love you have for her etc.

On the other side communicate with her that as important as it maybe for you to do things that you can listen because you are not a mind reader. It isn't a fun game when you have to guess at what your love wants you to do.

draconis

Amplexor · 03-03-2008, 11:25 AM

Trdn168

I can relate to your situation as the time frame has been about the same for me. My wife and I are in a troubled marriage and sex stopped last summer. If your wife’s sexually desires have dropped significantly there are a couple of things you might look into. First off AliceIam is correct. Communication is the key to most issues in relationships. Discuss your issues small and big. Get them on the table and see what each of you can do to make the other happier. Getting counseling is a good step to move forward also. I’d encourage you to move forward with it. My experience tells me that there may be something missing for her. That she may not feel loved or desired. That was our case. Be sure you understand her everyday wants and needs. Take your time and show her you care for her and love her. Also that you desire her and want intimacy with her. Good luck, I know where you’re coming from.

mollyL · 03-15-2008, 02:21 AM

It sounds as if you are willing to go the extra mile to have a good marriage; since we don't know your wife's "side", I can only speculate at her feelings and thoughts. Get yourselves into counseling as soon as possible and don't put it off. That sounds like your best chance to revive your marriage. You need some communication skills now!

berlinlife06 · 03-16-2008, 10:01 AM

Try to seduce her once again! Maybe that's what is missing. I think maybe a change in scenary, a weekend trip somewhere, something that would change your routine and will give you the opportunity to seduce her once more... live out a fantasy. Maybe that way she'll feel she can reconnect with you. But you should talk and communicate. It is essential.

swedish · 03-17-2008, 01:39 PM

For me to want sex, I need to feel connected to my husband. For me, it means that he shows interest in me and how I'm feeling, what I'm doing and shares himself with me...how his day was, if things are bothering him, etc. If I feel totally loved and appreciated, I'm connected.

Liza · 03-17-2008, 08:05 PM

Don't appear to be completing with her job, try not to complain too much about it {if you do}. Make her feel valued, call her up in days just to see how she's doing.

mispookie1 · 03-18-2008, 04:46 PM

i totally connect with your wife, that is how things are going with me and my hubby maybe her and i should talk and we could help each other out..lol
no joke.