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-   -   Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out? (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/85881-ladies-what-did-you-stop-doing-when-you-emotionally-checked-out.html)

turnera 06-13-2013 03:24 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532313)
When is it EVER right to emotionally disconnect from your spouse?

Why aren't you asking the MEN that question?

Are you not reading that each one of these women reached that point AFTER BEING IGNORED or discounted?

Why is it the WOMAN's job to just sit and accept negligence while the man is allowed to do it first?

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 03:32 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera (Post 2532601)
Why aren't you asking the MEN that question?

Are you not reading that each one of these women reached that point AFTER BEING IGNORED or discounted?

Why is it the WOMAN's job to just sit and accept negligence while the man is allowed to do it first?

Because she is married. Same way I sat and accepted negligence of a formerly sexless marraige.

Difference is I communicated with my spouse all along and we worked on things over time together rather than doing some silent treatment like plan.

Its holding a grudge plain and simple. This emotional disconnect thing. Its weak and very self centered.

Divorce or try your best everyday regardless of the other spouse.

in my tree 06-13-2013 03:36 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532313)
When is it EVER right to emotionally disconnect from your spouse?

That is basically another form of the silent treatment which gets blasted here.

Did not see that in the marriage instructions....

Seems disingenuous and childish. Marriage is meant to be tough deal with it through both the peaks and valleys. You promised him your best..is this it? Disconnecting?

I don't know if any of this is "right". It is something that some of us can't help. It's not a choice. For instance in my case I found it impossible to be emotionally connected to someone who abused me, my daughter, lied and stole from others.

Btw if you ever find those marriage instructions, can you make a copy and share them here? I'm sure we'd all love to take a gander.

diwali123 06-13-2013 03:40 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532865)
Because she is married. Same way I sat and accepted negligence of a formerly sexless marraige.

Difference is I communicated with my spouse all along and we worked on things over time together rather than doing some silent treatment like plan.

Its holding a grudge plain and simple. This emotional disconnect thing. Its weak and very self centered.

Divorce or try your best everyday regardless of the other spouse.

I couldn't magically wave my fingers and divorce him. As it was he made my life a living hell. I was a SAHM with no car of my own with no money of my own.
Kind of hard to just divorce.

I think you are projecting big time.

diwali123 06-13-2013 03:43 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by in my tree (Post 2533049)
I don't know if any of this is "right". It is something that some of us can't help. It's not a choice. For instance in my case I found it impossible to be emotionally connected to someone who abused me, my daughter, lied and stole from others.

Btw if you ever find those marriage instructions, can you make a copy and share them here? I'm sure we'd all love to take a gander.

I didn't realize when we got married I was agreeing to be abused, neglected, treated like dirt and he could do whatever he wanted. Had I known that was his idea of marriage I never would have married him.
It's not holding a grudge when it keeps happening every day.
I didn't marry him to be his live stock.

Jellybeans 06-13-2013 03:50 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532865)
Because she is married.

Um SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 03:51 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by diwali123 (Post 2533337)
I didn't realize when we got married I was agreeing to be abused, neglected, treated like dirt and he could do whatever he wanted. Had I known that was his idea of marriage I never would have married him.
It's not holding a grudge when it keeps happening every day.
I didn't marry him to be his live stock.

Its also not doing anything positive to attempt to remedy the situation.

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 03:52 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jellybeans (Post 2533489)
Um SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Yes you know marriage... in front of your family and friends and if you believe in god for life?

Oh and I'm sure you all are without any blame right?

Oh but payback feels so good right?

Face it if you are emotionally checked out you should leave and divorce. otherwise you are staying for convenience.

diwali123 06-13-2013 03:59 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2533521)
Its also not doing anything positive to attempt to remedy the situation.

Honestly you sound like a man who believes he should be able to do anything and his wife will just feel so fück ing grateful to be married to him she will put up with it.
Did you not see that he refused counseling? Wouldn't go to a dr for his mental/thyroid problem? Would t even do the needs questionarre? Wouldn't read any books or talk about improving things or listen to my feelings?

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:00 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2533561)
Yes you know marriage... in front of your family and friends and if you believe in god for life?

Oh and I'm sure you all are without any blame right?

Oh but payback feels so good right?

Face it if you are emotionally checked out you should leave and divorce. otherwise you are staying for convenience.

Then he should have left first. I'm not sure what part of this you don't get.

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 04:02 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by diwali123 (Post 2533777)
Honestly you sound like a man who believes he should be able to do anything and his wife will just feel so fück ing grateful to be married to him she will put up with it.
Did you not see that he refused counseling? Wouldn't go to a dr for his mental/thyroid problem? Would t even do the needs questionarre? Wouldn't read any books or talk about improving things or listen to my feelings?

Never mind go back to listing all the ways ladies (wives) check out and the things they stop doing intentionally to their spouse I'm sure that will be helpful to know for some. Sure it helps the ladies compare notes also about what works best.

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:06 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
If it makes you feel any better, I don't think he gave a rat's ass. He was so checked out he didn't know I existed.

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:09 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2533873)
Never mind go back to listing all the ways ladies (wives) check out and the things they stop doing intentionally to their spouse I'm sure that will be helpful to know for some. Sure it helps the ladies compare notes also about what works best.

What works best for what? None of us got anything out of this. I just wanted to stop wasting my energy and protect myself. It didn't have an impact on him. Nothing did. Or we wouldn't have divorced.

turnera 06-13-2013 04:09 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2533521)
Its also not doing anything positive to attempt to remedy the situation.

Oh, right, because you can just snap your fingers and make a man stop being an abuser...:scratchhead:

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 04:11 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera (Post 2534185)
Oh, right, because you can just snap your fingers and make a man stop being an abuser...:scratchhead:

Over time with effort possibly...


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