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-   -   Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out? (http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/85881-ladies-what-did-you-stop-doing-when-you-emotionally-checked-out.html)

LifeIsAJourney 06-13-2013 02:35 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnnyTheRomantic (Post 2527353)
So ladies. If you had disconnected, would you give your H a speech like this:



?

JTR, are you saying your wife said this to you? Or is this just an example?

in my tree 06-13-2013 04:07 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
It's interesting reading all the responses too. I just keep saying to myself : me too!! Yeah, I did that too!! I'm with ya!

I think the most pronounced things that I did were mainly to focus on myself instead of us. I ate when I wanted to, cleaned what I wanted to or ignored the chores that I didn't want to do, I went out with my friends away from him and really had little to do with him other than the formalities of living with a roommate. I didn't pay too much attention to what he did. That was his business. It sounds cold when written like that, but contrary to what some posters here may think, I had damn good reasons.

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 04:15 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by TCSRedhead (Post 2528265)
No one asked what prompted this to happen - simply the signs that indicated it had.

Stop being so preachy and judgmental when your marriage is still in limbo for pete's sake.

It's obvious this triggered you because YOUR wife has emotionally disconnected from YOU but the OP wanted to know what things happened when the disconnect occurred.

When is it EVER right to emotionally disconnect from your spouse?

That is basically another form of the silent treatment which gets blasted here.

Did not see that in the marriage instructions....

Seems disingenuous and childish. Marriage is meant to be tough deal with it through both the peaks and valleys. You promised him your best..is this it? Disconnecting?

TCSRedhead 06-13-2013 04:17 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532313)
When is it EVER right to emotionally disconnect?

Did not see that in the marriage instructions....

Seems disingenuous and childish. Marriage is meant to be tough deal with it through both the peaks and valleys.

No one said it was right, did they?

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:17 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Really. Even when someone is being emotionally abusive?

turnera 06-13-2013 04:24 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532313)
When is it EVER right to emotionally disconnect from your spouse?

Why aren't you asking the MEN that question?

Are you not reading that each one of these women reached that point AFTER BEING IGNORED or discounted?

Why is it the WOMAN's job to just sit and accept negligence while the man is allowed to do it first?

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 04:32 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by turnera (Post 2532601)
Why aren't you asking the MEN that question?

Are you not reading that each one of these women reached that point AFTER BEING IGNORED or discounted?

Why is it the WOMAN's job to just sit and accept negligence while the man is allowed to do it first?

Because she is married. Same way I sat and accepted negligence of a formerly sexless marraige.

Difference is I communicated with my spouse all along and we worked on things over time together rather than doing some silent treatment like plan.

Its holding a grudge plain and simple. This emotional disconnect thing. Its weak and very self centered.

Divorce or try your best everyday regardless of the other spouse.

in my tree 06-13-2013 04:36 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532313)
When is it EVER right to emotionally disconnect from your spouse?

That is basically another form of the silent treatment which gets blasted here.

Did not see that in the marriage instructions....

Seems disingenuous and childish. Marriage is meant to be tough deal with it through both the peaks and valleys. You promised him your best..is this it? Disconnecting?

I don't know if any of this is "right". It is something that some of us can't help. It's not a choice. For instance in my case I found it impossible to be emotionally connected to someone who abused me, my daughter, lied and stole from others.

Btw if you ever find those marriage instructions, can you make a copy and share them here? I'm sure we'd all love to take a gander.

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:40 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532865)
Because she is married. Same way I sat and accepted negligence of a formerly sexless marraige.

Difference is I communicated with my spouse all along and we worked on things over time together rather than doing some silent treatment like plan.

Its holding a grudge plain and simple. This emotional disconnect thing. Its weak and very self centered.

Divorce or try your best everyday regardless of the other spouse.

I couldn't magically wave my fingers and divorce him. As it was he made my life a living hell. I was a SAHM with no car of my own with no money of my own.
Kind of hard to just divorce.

I think you are projecting big time.

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:43 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by in my tree (Post 2533049)
I don't know if any of this is "right". It is something that some of us can't help. It's not a choice. For instance in my case I found it impossible to be emotionally connected to someone who abused me, my daughter, lied and stole from others.

Btw if you ever find those marriage instructions, can you make a copy and share them here? I'm sure we'd all love to take a gander.

I didn't realize when we got married I was agreeing to be abused, neglected, treated like dirt and he could do whatever he wanted. Had I known that was his idea of marriage I never would have married him.
It's not holding a grudge when it keeps happening every day.
I didn't marry him to be his live stock.

Jellybeans 06-13-2013 04:50 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2532865)
Because she is married.

Um SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 04:51 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by diwali123 (Post 2533337)
I didn't realize when we got married I was agreeing to be abused, neglected, treated like dirt and he could do whatever he wanted. Had I known that was his idea of marriage I never would have married him.
It's not holding a grudge when it keeps happening every day.
I didn't marry him to be his live stock.

Its also not doing anything positive to attempt to remedy the situation.

Trying2figureitout 06-13-2013 04:52 PM

Re: Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jellybeans (Post 2533489)
Um SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Yes you know marriage... in front of your family and friends and if you believe in god for life?

Oh and I'm sure you all are without any blame right?

Oh but payback feels so good right?

Face it if you are emotionally checked out you should leave and divorce. otherwise you are staying for convenience.

diwali123 06-13-2013 04:59 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2533521)
Its also not doing anything positive to attempt to remedy the situation.

Honestly you sound like a man who believes he should be able to do anything and his wife will just feel so fück ing grateful to be married to him she will put up with it.
Did you not see that he refused counseling? Wouldn't go to a dr for his mental/thyroid problem? Would t even do the needs questionarre? Wouldn't read any books or talk about improving things or listen to my feelings?

diwali123 06-13-2013 05:00 PM

Ladies, what did you stop doing when you emotionally checked out?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Trying2figureitout (Post 2533561)
Yes you know marriage... in front of your family and friends and if you believe in god for life?

Oh and I'm sure you all are without any blame right?

Oh but payback feels so good right?

Face it if you are emotionally checked out you should leave and divorce. otherwise you are staying for convenience.

Then he should have left first. I'm not sure what part of this you don't get.


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