Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 10:10 AM Thread Starter
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Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

Okay last night my husband and his buddy were here and I like his buddy, he's really a nice guy. Anyway something was said about one of my husbands past girlfriends, and how he has had some fine a** girlfriends, well his friend kept saying that he don't want to marry a really pretty girl because of how dingy they are and then I said something about it, the buddy said he never even figured my husband would ever get married, but he was always dating gorgeous chicks. Then he wasn't meaning to hurt my feelings but he did when he said my husband told him why he married me because I wasn't like the pretty girls I was down to earth and super hott girls just aren't down to earth. So basically I gathered from everything that was said: My husband could have kept on with all the hotties but instead married me. The thing that hurts me is not one time did anyone say that I was pretty or I wasn't like the other pretty ones. I feel like my husband doesn't look at me as being as attractive or appealing to him compared to his past girls. Is this immature of me? I never said anything about it, but I feel no confidence right now at all. I know everybody looks at the opposite sex from time to time, but I love my husband so much that Mr. Super Hot couldn't make my husband be beneath him. I guess I just wish they thought I was pretty, not just cool and down to earth. I know I'm no supermodel but I really thought I was pretty ok looking. Please just someone give me a little incite.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 01:32 PM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

Why Worry-
I think we can always find another female who is prettier, slimmer, cuter, taller, whatever! In the end you husband chose you to marry! He fell in love with the WHOLE you and obviously is attracted to you! So don't waste energy comparing yourself to those other women because it really doesn't matter now. He most certainly isn't that shallow that he based sharing a life with someone based soley on how they look. Do the same and stop focusing on the physical.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 07:48 PM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

I second Atholk. My wife is not the PRETTIEST woman I dated - just by far and away the BEST. I love her more now in year 20 then I did in year 1.

Originally Posted by Atholk View Post
Sounds like your husband made a mature grown up choice, and saw something in you that outclassed everyone that came before you. He married you, which by most accounts is the most significant statement a guy can make about being into a woman.

Ironically, I get the feeling your husbands friend was trying to compliment you, rather than hurt your feelings. My hunch is that you're more attractive than you know (you women are always so paranoid about looks).

My own wife was not the objectively the prettiest woman I've ever dated, but she buries them all with her charm and character. Looks are important, and she does well in that department, but there is a bigger picture to what makes a man attracted to a woman than just bra cup size.

Just tell your husband how that convesation made you feel.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 08:01 PM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

Whyworry, my husband is not the classically handsome type as far as movie star good looks go (he has had significant scarring on his face for more than 30 years that has made him extremely self conscious), and I have dated some very handsome men, but let me tell you with absolute certainty that there is no face in this world that I find more appealing and attractive than his!! I see his mischievous brown eyes that light up when he smiles at me, I see the love in his gaze when he looks at me, I see the genuine warmth in his expression when I'm telling him about something I'm passionate about and I feel loved and secure when he's with me. He is my best friend, a prankster (just like me), he indulges me when I'm cranky and hugs me when I'm sad.
He told me one time, several years ago, that he was considering plastic surgery to have them removed, and asked what I thought. My response was - if you want to do it, do it for you but please don't do it for me. I honestly don't even see them!

Looks? Seriously, who gives a damn. He is absolutely beautiful to me and I can't imagine looking at any other face but his for the rest of my life!!!

I'll bet you, without a doubt, that your husband feels exactly the same way about you, regardless of how attractive you may or may not actually be.

That's love. ;-)

Last edited by Round2; 10-25-2009 at 08:02 PM. Reason: wrong emoticon picture
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 08:18 PM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

Remember, there is always someone ahead of you, there is always someone behind you.

Looks maybe get you noticed, it doesn't last, it never does.

Just like Mick Jagger, the ugliest man in the world, but we don't ever see that. We just see him as him.

Life and attraction are a mystery.

Why worry, he chose you, you chose him.

Someone behind, someone ahead you.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 08:30 PM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

The answers here are objective.

What you are feeling is subjective, and unless you have it worked out of your system, it will continue to bother you. What happens is you feel that you are not measuring up in the looks department compared to his past women.

No woman wants to feel that way. While that may be the truth (not in my case, my wife is hot, but let's say it is), a smart husband would want to continue to shore up his wife's confidence by avoiding making such statements.

Her confidence = more affection/sex or wilder affection/sex. Well, that's been my limited experience anyway.

My suggestion: Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Feelings are not supposed to be logical. If so, we would never fall in love in the first place.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-26-2009, 09:47 AM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

Yeah, just tell him how the conversation made you feel. To me, it was an immature conversation and a really stupid one to have in front of you. But then a lot of men don't think about what they're saying. They don't think about how what they say sounds.

I'm sure your husband finds you attractive. Guys want an attractive mate. You have the right combination of characteristics for him.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 05-19-2011, 03:04 PM
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Re: Husband hurt my feelings but am I wrong for feeling this way?

those old gf's are being remembered as "attractive or appealing" but I assure you there is a reason he's not with them. it sounds like they were implying the girls were "hot" but not very smart.
still doesn't make it right.
just as he wouldn't like to be privy to a conversation between you and your girlfriends about how old boyfriends "measure up".
hope you have more self confidence knowing you ARE a hottie who's also down to earth (smart) and that's that.
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