Crazzy PR Mom

Is it bad to wish my husband is cheating
I have a feeling my husband is cheating. I also believe that it would be a great relief for me. This relationship is toxic to me. I'm tired of being tiered. I can't keep up with the way he wants things to be the rules the constant monitoring of everything. Cheating is my was out and I don't even feel bad that he's posibly cheating. I also know he's going to blame and black mail me for it to. Anyone have any advise.

StrongEnough

If you have read any of the post regarding infidelity, you will see the intense pain that comes with being cheated on.

I encourage you to seek counseling together or to separation from him. Your happiness is important, but it seems that you want him to cheat, so that you can put him at fault for the downfall of the marriage. Rather, I would see if you can get him into couples counseling with you and see what you both can do to fix the marriage.

Best of luck to you!

__________________
To be what we are and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.

Crazzy PR Mom

I wish things were that easy I don't want to blame my husband. I want him to stop blaming me for everything. I have asked my H to go to counseling with me and he won't. I believe that he won't go because there will be someone there who can contest that I'm not crazy, unfair or selfish or his favorite spoiled. My husband manipulates and guilt's me at first I thought it was me but it can't be. When I say things like maybe this isn't working I get if you brake up this family I will.......

preso

I think you need to pray he finds someone else and leaves you quick. To pray he is cheating does not mean he will leave you. Lots of cheaters stay married for a lifetime.
Find a better prayer that is more specific, that you can maybe be aware of things you can do and say to help him want to walk away... AND IN A WAY he does not cause too much damage to your life. Sounds like the marriage is pretty much over as he is toxic to you.
I understand how a toxic relationship can destroy your life and peace so the sooner you can find a way to make him leave, the btter.
You ever see that series on HBO called "SIX FEET UNDER" ???
When Nates mother discovered she married a crazy man, what she did was get an apartment... a new place to live...
and she got it all nice and cozy... but she herself did not move in. She stayed at her home. It was a GREAT WAY to get him away from her.
Maybe something you can do too ???

Crazzy PR Mom

God I wish things were that simple my husband is a master manipulator. We have a blended family. My two kids and his two kids mine are boy 18, Girl 13 / his girl 7 & 11. My kids would love nothing more than for me to walk away. But my husband uses all the kids against me. With threats like if you brake up this family I will take everything with me. We have been together for almost 8 years and married for 2. I left him once and he used the children to get me back in pretending to have changed and once we got married the why should I help if your son gets to do nothing!!! began again. Know I feel so stuck I don't know how to get out.....

StrongEnough

This sounds like emotional abuse. I'm no expert, but I doubt it will get any better without professional health for him.

__________________
To be what we are and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.

cao428

I agree this definitely sounds like emotional abuse. If he won't go to counseling and won't stop you may need to split eventually. Get help if you can in the meantime for yourself...can you get to see a good therapist?

Cheating on ones spouse is a form of emotional abuse. You need to think of your own emotional health. When someone constantly blames you and is angry at you it hurts how you feel about yourself. I know!

swedish

If you really suspect he is cheating, try to get proof...it will be difficult to 'blame' you at that point...he may try to use that as an excuse but if he is cheating you had nothing to do with his choice to be selfish.

preso

He is doubtfully the master manipulator he has led you to believe he is... LOL !!!
the problem is he has made YOU believe he can control you
with ( from what you say) threats of various kinds, mind games, etc...
He has weakened your ability to see things clearly and that includes his weakening your ability to see, recognice and most of all USE YOUR STRENTHS.
You know how to get out... and you know its going to involve some changes that may be unpleasant initally but he will NOT BE able to STOP YOU if you choose to actually walk away.
He has only convinced you your stuck as he hits you where he knows he hurts you... and that seems to be the kids mostly.

You know that threat he has that if you break up this ( so called) family he will take everything with him?
what is that everything?
the roof over your head? what exactly?
what has he got over you that will actually really pan out so badly that you are willing to stay in a relationship with a man who has to use cohersion and threats to make you stay with him?
Would giving up that "everything" he threatens to take from you really happen? Do you believe he is that powerful or has he done that Wizard of OZ smoke and mirrors thing on you?
Who exactly is that man behind the BIG POWERFUL OZ???

What is it he has exactly that he will take with him if you break up his ideal family ( controlled wife he can manipulate)
Is whatever that is... really worth living with a man you do not want to be with ? Are you sure he has the upper hand in this marriage? why? is it true? or something he has just made you believe? He in fact may be more powerless than you could imagine and it will be him who will lose evertything ! like his home, half his 401K and pension !
Are you aware of the laws in your state? are you fully aware of the whole situation as to his power or supposed power over you in legal terms ? not just concerning the kids?
As it may turn out, your actually the powerful one in the big picture.... ! You need to look at BIG picture and stop letting him
hit you below the belt, which for you is the kids.



You must think of him like that little man behind the curtain in the movie WIZARD OF OZ....
because any man that is that powerful would not have to make threats to "control" his wife and have her stay with him through cohersion.. or hit below the belt to make her stay with threats that may in fact not be the truth...
Think about in that Movie, WIZARD OF OZ...
he is hoping to keep like the cowardly lion and to keep you that way, too cowardly to act because of his threats.......... he trying to make you believe you are like the scarecrow, who has no brain and cannot act and be happy unless he tells you that you are
and that he can control you and your happiness, he ants you unable to think clearly and see the big picture maybe.........
and he is treating you like the tin man...... took away your oil and making you "stuck" and not only that to tolerate him and whatever he chooses to do to or on you.

BUT LIKE THE MOVIE, at the end...
you will find all the power you need is within YOU, all you have to do is believe in yourself.
Your actually not stuck... you know that and you know your going to come out beter if you leave and dont come back next time.

and it wouldn't hurt since he has been so cruel to you
to show him you can be a scary little flying monkey if he wants to throw some smoke and mirror head games with you.