zoey

I have known my husband since I was 19 and I am now 38 we have been married for 4 years and I just do not know if I want to stay in this marriage. In the last week we probably have not spoken 50 words to each other. I am currently going to school on-line, so all I do is stay on the computer, clean house, cook his dinner and sleep.

We never go anywhere together and I have no friends and I feel like I am loosing my mind. I think the only reason I don't leave is because my daughter just had a baby and she is having problems and may have to come home and I want the baby to have a good place to go to. What I am supposed to do?

If anybody has any advice please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane Smith

Hi!

I think its very important that you find yourself. Go out and make some friends. That is hard I know, but start off by just taking a book and going to a coffee shop or to the beach or the river and read a little and relax. Do something for you! A mistake that alot of people make, including me, is thinking that our spouse is responsible for our happiness. Thats not true. We are responsible for our own happiness. Try and make yourself feel better for you. Do things you enjoy. If it makes you feel good, go for it. Go for a walk on a beautiful morning. Watch a sunrise or sunset. Look pretty, for you, not for anyone else. You will be shocked at how good you feel. You will also be shocked at how he may react to your happiness. People are drawn to happiness. You might see him taking a sudden interest in you. And I also think at that point, once you are feeling more self worth, suggest to him that you would like the two of you to talk to a councelor. If he is not up to that, he might be up so some of those marriage help books that give you little excersises to do to help you work it through. This doesnt have to be the end. If, however, you do start with your new happy you and you decide that your marriage is not something you want to hold on to, then at least you will have more drive to take yourself out of an unhappy situation (you know with your new found happiness and all) But in my honest opinion, you guys got married for a reason, you loved each other, and I totally believe that if that love was once there and now lost due to life and all the rest, I just know that it can be found again, if both of you want that. I really dont believe that feelings like love and bond can be just gone and lost forever. I believe its hiding somewhere cos it got hurt a few times too many. We just need to find it, and we can. And I truely believe that once you find it again, its just as beautiful as it was when the sparks were flying in the begining. Try reading "the five languages of love" Its really good and helped me and is still helping me.

I wish you luck and please let me know what you decide or what the outcome is. I truely hope that you can recindle the love thats hiding in the back of both your hearts.

Sven

I agree with Jane - happiness is not owed to you by your spouse.

In fact, I personally believe that each of us wakes up each morning deciding to be happy or not.

If you're 38 then you know life is not perfect. Neither is marriage. Hopefully you got into it for the long haul and not just for the excitement.

Best wishes...my advice is to ride it out.