SHANNUTMCGNNSS

Hi, I am ne where and just needed some advice. Im one to let others know my issues, but I need advice. I have been married 14 years and have three children. We have been 2gether for almost 17 years. I was 15 he was 19. We have been having money issues for a while, he spends more then we make. We have paid $2600 in fees in 6 months. We had a long talk and we decided no more money mistakes. He recently spent $300 to fix a tv and $400 on a new saw for work. His work was going to purchase one but he did not want to sign it in and out. Im furious! He also will hang out with his friends and is never home when he says he will be. This has caused us many long and mean fights. I work and take care of the house, kids and bill paying. He works a LOT of hours, and I know he is tired. He does not spend a lot of time with our kids and I get on him for that. He is a very good person and helps out anyone who needs it, but I think his family should come first. Am I being too sensitive, or am I justified in getting mad? We have been ignoring eachother for a while now, 3 months to be exact. It feels more like a roommate situation and not a marriage. I love him but Im not sure where to go from here.

swedish

I think you should have a do-over of the 'no more money mistakes talk' and work out the specifics...you can write down every dime you spend for a month...down to a pack of gum and then review and agree on where to cut costs, etc...or you can put on paper exactly where your money goes and leave x for each of you for whatever you want to spend on but no exceptions...something more concrete....

SHANNUTMCGNNSS

Thanks, I will have the talk again and see if it works this time. Do you have any advice about the friend issue?

swedish

I know some couiples that have a rule that anything over $100 is discussed first, etc. but in your case I would think a more strict plan that you both agree on might work better.

I think you are in a catch22 right now with the friend issue...the more you complain and/or get mad about it the less desire he will have to stay home...going out lets him 'get away from it all' and if he works hard, he needs down time...how often does he hang out with friends?

With the friend situation I would try to hold back being annoyed by it and instead try to make it fun when he is home...at first just try for 1 night...no arguing, etc...make a nice dinner, watch a movie together, etc...show him he can have enjoyable down-time at home, too.