My kids and the affair partner...
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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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  • 1 Post By Freak On a Leash
  • 3 Post By Maneo
  • 2 Post By Shooboomafoo
  • 2 Post By angelpixie
  • 2 Post By Paradise

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Old 08-19-2013, 08:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My kids and the affair partner...

My six year old daughter seems to get along well with the woman that helped her father tear this family apart. I know I should be grateful that the AP treats her well, but it breaks my heart to see them interact and get along. My daughter sees her as a good person, but I know better. I also have a nine month old girl, as I was pregnant when I found my husband of sixteen years was cheating with this older grandmother who seems to be tryinh to reclaim her lost youth. The ex doesn't have the baby but six hours a week. Thats okay with me, because the baby around her really bothers me. I was pregnant with this child while she was sleeping with my then husband, so obviously she never has my kids best interest at heart. How do I deal with this and get past it peacefully?
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Old 08-19-2013, 08:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

Legally if he has custody then it doesn't matter what you think or say. It's his call. That's the downside of divorce. You gotta suck stuff like that up and deal with it.

You make things far worse giving your ex or your daughter grief about it. Just be glad she seems decent. If she isn't your daughter will figure it out. What counts is that YOU are a good mom.
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Old 08-20-2013, 02:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

I hate that my kids consider the w4ore he is shaking up another mother, so I feel your pain.
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Old 08-20-2013, 02:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default My kids and the affair partner...

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Originally Posted by Freak On a Leash View Post
Legally if he has custody then it doesn't matter what you think or say. It's his call. That's the downside of divorce. You gotta suck stuff like that up and deal with it.

You make things far worse giving your ex or your daughter grief about it. Just be glad she seems decent. If she isn't your daughter will figure it out. What counts is that YOU are a good mom.
Practical advice. Do what is in the best interest of the kids.
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Old 08-20-2013, 07:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

I know how you feel OP.
Its a bitter pill to swallow.
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Old 08-20-2013, 01:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

No, you're certainly not alone, OP. I'm dealing with this, too. Many of us here are. Sometimes it just kills me, sometimes it makes me angry, most of the time I just let myself go numb. I've realized that my son is too young to understand the nuances of fidelity and marriage and such. I am grateful that, for the most part, the Trampire treats him well. I have certainly heard of cases where the life of a child in this situation is a nightmare. I'm grateful he's not dealing with that.

That leaves the only heartache being mine. I don't want anger or bitterness or sadness coming between me and DS, so I have to suck it up. I try to draw boundaries where I'm the mom and she's not, but there are also times when I just have to listen when he tells me about cool things they do together or special inside jokes they have.

I figure that someday, I'll be sharing him with a future relationship partner, too, so this is just practice for letting him go then, too. We just have to make sure we're there for us when they need us, because they only have one mom.
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Old 08-20-2013, 11:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

"sucking it up" does suck, though! lol!!!! True, it is our problem to deal with. The kids involved have enough to worry about without us adding to it.

Angel I think I understand what you are saying about having to "share with a future relationship partner, but I've already decided that my daughter is not allowed to date until she is 30 so I have a while before I have to worry about that. Until then I'll just continue to sharpen my knives and clean my guns.....LOL....
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Old 08-20-2013, 11:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

When your children are older, they will understand. They will see the family dynamic for what it is. Just keep being super mom. Sorry that you have to go through that.
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Old 08-21-2013, 07:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My kids and the affair partner...

No matter how good the other person may or may not be, you will always be MOM! Nothing can change that. It's a fact. You gave birth to those kids and no one will love them as much as you do.
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