Chronicles of the Good Guy - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 552Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #136 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-01-2014, 09:14 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
TheGoodGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,310
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Contacted green eyes again Sunday evening, asked how her weekend was. Got another one word response of "great!". No messages yesterday. Saw her today on my way into the building as she was waiting for the ATM (she works in my building but a few floors up if I hadn't mentioned that). I say "Hey!" with a smile, she said "oh hey" and looked away from me as I walked by. I think this one is done, or never was and I was reading too much into it.

If there "was" any interest there that was squashed by going to lunch and learning more about me, I get it actually. I'm a divorced man with an almost 8yo daughter. Though I'm very put together and have a good career, I would be a lot to take on for a young single gal with no kids. Were it to turn into something longterm, it would make someone like that become "insta-mom", so I can see how that thought might freak someone out.

I'm starting to think that I really need to be looking for a gal who is a mom already. That way they understand the demands of children, schedules, etc and we're starting off on more even ground. And I will continue to be very wary of fixing. They would need to be quite put together and independent for a relationship to work.

TheGoodGuy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #137 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-01-2014, 09:18 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
TheGoodGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,310
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Tomorrow is one year anniversary of D-day and ILYBINILWY speech. Wow how time flies when your comfy little rut is blown to bits! And I say that with a smile on my face, truly.
TheGoodGuy is offline  
post #138 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-01-2014, 09:35 PM
Member
 
firebelly1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 1,369
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGoodGuy View Post
Contacted green eyes again Sunday evening, asked how her weekend was. Got another one word response of "great!". No messages yesterday. Saw her today on my way into the building as she was waiting for the ATM (she works in my building but a few floors up if I hadn't mentioned that). I say "Hey!" with a smile, she said "oh hey" and looked away from me as I walked by. I think this one is done, or never was and I was reading too much into it.

If there "was" any interest there that was squashed by going to lunch and learning more about me, I get it actually. I'm a divorced man with an almost 8yo daughter. Though I'm very put together and have a good career, I would be a lot to take on for a young single gal with no kids. Were it to turn into something longterm, it would make someone like that become "insta-mom", so I can see how that thought might freak someone out.

I'm starting to think that I really need to be looking for a gal who is a mom already. That way they understand the demands of children, schedules, etc and we're starting off on more even ground. And I will continue to be very wary of fixing. They would need to be quite put together and independent for a relationship to work.
I am the last person who should probably be giving dating advice, but I think not assuming you know what she's thinking is better for everyone. Of course we want a reason, but you are 33. You have one child. There's no reason a younger woman without kids wouldn't want you.
firebelly1 is offline  
 
post #139 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-01-2014, 10:47 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
TheGoodGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,310
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by firebelly1 View Post
I am the last person who should probably be giving dating advice, but I think not assuming you know what she's thinking is better for everyone. Of course we want a reason, but you are 33. You have one child. There's no reason a younger woman without kids wouldn't want you.
I appreciate the advice FB, thank you, and point taken. I do tend to over think things sometimes. OK all the time. I know it, and I own it.

I want to add one more thought to this. After losing my firstborn son at a young age (both - I was 20, he was a tender 16 months old), then meeting my next ex wife and her son and being married for almost a decade, I thought that 2 kids was perfect - my daughter and step-son. So I got snipped a couple of years ago. 2 children still seems about right for me, 3 is probably tops, but either way I have no plans to have my procedure undone. So the woman I get next will likely need to be at the same stage of life as me. Done having children and ready to raise the ones we have. If more children are desired, adoption is a viable option. I myself was put into the foster care system at 3 and adopted at 6.
TheGoodGuy is offline  
post #140 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 02:40 AM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,477
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

From what I have seen throughout the years, if a female is interested in you

they will make it clearly known. The most I would do is throw a suggestion out

there and see if it floats or sinks. I have a female friend from college. We would

have matched up well but...either she was seeing someone, I was, she was just

getting out of a relationship, timing just wasn't right. Some people like down time

after a lengthy relationship, has nothing to do with you. Go ahead and tell yourself

you are done with women for a couple years. Within a couple months, you will

be in a relationship..... My one year deals on DDay, D filing, D final went by a lot

smoother than I anticipated. Only thing I really miss is the unspoken

communication. I could look a certain way, she knew what I was thinking.

G/f does not have that but... I don't think X did after a year either. Take D8 with

you to the park or the lake, women notice dads with children, see no wedding

ring on....they are very likely to strike up a chat.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #141 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 02:59 AM
Member
 
LongWalk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 11,200
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Getting a vasectomy reversal is easier the earlier you do it. If you date a woman and she wants your child it could be a big source of disappointment.
LongWalk is offline  
post #142 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 03:05 AM
Member
 
Chuck71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Where I lay my head
Posts: 6,477
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

getting sniped is cheap

having it reversed, is another story $$$

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
Chuck71 is online now  
post #143 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 09:31 PM
Member
 
firebelly1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 1,369
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGoodGuy View Post
I appreciate the advice FB, thank you, and point taken. I do tend to over think things sometimes. OK all the time. I know it, and I own it.

I want to add one more thought to this. After losing my firstborn son at a young age (both - I was 20, he was a tender 16 months old), then meeting my next ex wife and her son and being married for almost a decade, I thought that 2 kids was perfect - my daughter and step-son. So I got snipped a couple of years ago. 2 children still seems about right for me, 3 is probably tops, but either way I have no plans to have my procedure undone. So the woman I get next will likely need to be at the same stage of life as me. Done having children and ready to raise the ones we have. If more children are desired, adoption is a viable option. I myself was put into the foster care system at 3 and adopted at 6.
It's one thing to be practical about what you want....it's another thing to limit yourself unnecessarily. I know at least two women who married guys with kids who never really wanted any of their own. They are happy being stepmothers.
firebelly1 is offline  
post #144 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 09:42 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
TheGoodGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,310
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by firebelly1 View Post
It's one thing to be practical about what you want....it's another thing to limit yourself unnecessarily. I know at least two women who married guys with kids who never really wanted any of their own. They are happy being stepmothers.
Maybe I will find someone like that.. I'm certainly not trying to limit myself, just seeking to understand before seeking to be understood (an old 7 Habits thing). Playing devil's advocate as it were. I think it helps me deal with rejection in a way.
TheGoodGuy is offline  
post #145 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 09:47 PM
Member
 
firebelly1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 1,369
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGoodGuy View Post
Maybe I will find someone like that.. I'm certainly not trying to limit myself, just seeking to understand before seeking to be understood (an old 7 Habits thing). Playing devil's advocate as it were. I think it helps me deal with rejection in a way.
I totally get that. The "Critical Conversations" folks advocate for that too - rather than getting mad (or feeling hurt) about what the other person did / said, think about rational person reasons why they may have done that. And then throw in some Four Agreements with "Don't Take Anything Personally."

firebelly1 is offline  
post #146 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 09:53 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
TheGoodGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,310
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by firebelly1 View Post
I totally get that. The "Critical Conversations" folks advocate for that too - rather than getting mad (or feeling hurt) about what the other person did / said, think about rational person reasons why they may have done that. And then throw in some Four Agreements with "Don't Take Anything Personally."
Yep! Except it's Crucial Conversation I think.. :-) We think alike FB.
TheGoodGuy is offline  
post #147 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-02-2014, 10:16 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
TheGoodGuy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,310
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGoodGuy View Post
Tomorrow is one year anniversary of D-day and ILYBINILWY speech. Wow how time flies when your comfy little rut is blown to bits! And I say that with a smile on my face, truly.
I'm happy to say that this little "anniversary" did not cross my mind today, until I logged onto TAM to reply to my thread. That's pretty cool.
TheGoodGuy is offline  
post #148 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-03-2014, 04:09 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 156
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Just read your last few posts - You've had an eventful 33 years my friend. And you've come a long way from that day a year ago.

Hang in there mate. The next Mrs GG will be worth the wait.
torn2012 is offline  
post #149 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-03-2014, 11:43 AM
Member
 
firebelly1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 1,369
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGoodGuy View Post
Yep! Except it's Crucial Conversation I think.. :-) We think alike FB.
Doh! You're right.
firebelly1 is offline  
post #150 of 615 (permalink) Old 04-03-2014, 02:09 PM
Member
 
EnjoliWoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,371
Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

I know two women who married men with kids and were perfectly happy.

It's not a bad deal - they don't leave stretch marks (except on your heart ), don't need potty training or any of the less-fun aspects of parenting but still get to have a great relationship with young people. I will depend on the woman but there are quite a few out there.

I'm a fan (and result of) adoption, myself!

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-...-my-story.html

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
EnjoliWoman is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The 'Good Guy' donkler Going Through Divorce or Separation 11 05-22-2012 10:38 AM
What happened to my good guy? (Very Long, sorry!) ljmc327 Considering Divorce or Separation 14 06-14-2011 12:15 AM
What happened to my good guy? (Very Long, sorry!) ljmc327 Considering Divorce or Separation 0 05-26-2011 01:19 PM
So Confused! H is a good guy but I'm considering seperation kaal Considering Divorce or Separation 11 05-06-2011 01:28 PM
i thought i was a good guy mug Going Through Divorce or Separation 15 02-23-2011 11:59 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome