Chronicles of the Good Guy - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Huh? I guess I am not even understanding this.

Why would you WANT to continue going out with a woman who doesn't even tell you she has a boyfriend until you are sitting together having lunch? Huh?

And moreso, why would you WANT to be involved with someone who would 'game' you and pretend that they have a boyfriend in order to see if you'd "fight" for them. That to me screams RED FLAG and emotionally immature and not anyone I'd ever want to be involved with

Nope.

Next.
This is old news. Just so new to dating that I was trying to solve problems that didn't exist. That one was a no go after the first "date" anyway.
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post #47 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 10:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

By the way, the current girl initiated the next date. Wants to go to an art exhibit at a local museum next Friday. It will be our 4th "date" So I thought the initiation on her part is a good sign, though I'm yet to figure out if we're dating or if I'm heading into friendzoneville. It won't kill me if that's where I'm heading, but it would be nice to know.
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post #48 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 10:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Also, my IC also thinks I should be doing meetups. I checked around in my area, but there only a couple that I'd be interested in (outdoor activities mostly). Not necessarily surprising since I live in a relatively small area. But I don't know if I've really figured how to squeeze in time outside of fulltime work and fulltime daddy responsibilities without feeling like I'm just dumping my daughter off with family all the time so that I can go have fun. There's gotta be a balance somewhere, I just need to find it.

Most of the other meetups in my area are stay at home mommy type groups. I wonder if there is a single mom group that would welcome a single dad in their midst? That would be interesting.. :-)
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post #49 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 11:35 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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Also, my IC also thinks I should be doing meetups. I checked around in my area, but there only a couple that I'd be interested in (outdoor activities mostly). Not necessarily surprising since I live in a relatively small area. But I don't know if I've really figured how to squeeze in time outside of fulltime work and fulltime daddy responsibilities without feeling like I'm just dumping my daughter off with family all the time so that I can go have fun. There's gotta be a balance somewhere, I just need to find it.

Most of the other meetups in my area are stay at home mommy type groups. I wonder if there is a single mom group that would welcome a single dad in their midst? That would be interesting.. :-)
If you can find one I don't see why not lol.

Just think of all the things you could learn by hanging out and observing a group of women like that!!!
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post #50 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 03:05 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

You need a reasonable amount of leisure time to be happy and healthy. Don't feel guilty about leaving her with others while you go out and 'play'. She will benefit from the positive energy you get from living a fulfilling life.
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post #51 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-07-2013, 10:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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You need a reasonable amount of leisure time to be happy and healthy. Don't feel guilty about leaving her with others while you go out and 'play'. She will benefit from the positive energy you get from living a fulfilling life.
I agree T12. A reasonable amount of leisure time. I'm still trying to find that balance. D7 already goes to school for 7 hours, then goes to after school care for 2.5 after that. So that's 9.5 hours of the day when she's with other people. Even though the after school care is open another 2.5 hours after I normally pick her up, I would feel bad to leave her there for that time. They don't serve dinner there, and normally she's starving even at the time I'm picking her up (around 5PM). I have my brothers and sisters nearby, which I'm extremely grateful for when I need to use them, but I don't want to overuse or take advantage of their family time too much. Maybe my family is weird in that regard.
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post #52 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 06:10 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Nobody said you have to become a party animal and go out every night but once every week or even once every two weeks won't hurt.

I'm not one to talk because between my work schedule and the kids being at home I'm not out much at all lately but I try when I can. For me once every 3-4 weeks is good enough for now
Although I know there are people who disagree with that. Right T12?
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post #53 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 06:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Party animal makes me think of the muppets character. Lol
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post #54 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 06:59 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Once every 3-4 weeks is a good start SS. No need to go overboard guys. Just do something for yourself once in a while.
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post #55 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 07:13 AM
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Party animal makes me think of the muppets character. Lol
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Lol, you're right. Now that image is stuck in my head
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post #56 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 07:13 AM
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Once every 3-4 weeks is a good start SS. No need to go overboard guys. Just do something for yourself once in a while.
Good advice T12.
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post #57 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

I posted this in another thread but it was kind of off topic.. So I'll put it here for posterity:


"
Seems like a few folks have very strong feelings against "settling down" and/or getting married ever again. I honestly think we all have our own wants and desires and to each their own. Here are my thoughts on the subject, as a different viewpoint (different, not better/worse) even though we might have strayed a bit from the original thread:

I hear you in that you were so miserable in marriage that you never want to try it again. I guess our situations were different. I was happy in marriage, until the end of both. I have never cheated, but have been cheated on in both of my marriages. Part of my failure was letting myself get into a rut and wanting to believe that I could "fix" things and keep things hunky dory. I can see now that all I was doing was staying in a sort of fog of my own, and not truly dealing with things that needed dealing with. It may not make sense to everyone, but the whole #3 thing rings very true to me.

I for one am a fan of marriage, or partnership, or whatever. I eventually want "the one" who I can travel life's path with. Have I chosen wrongly in the past and let my boundaries get trampled? Ab-so-fvcking-lutely. I am vowing to do better in the future. I don't NEED someone else to make me happy, but I WANT to share this life with a companion. I am a loyal person. I enjoy having someone else to talk to about how my day went and hear about theirs. I enjoy the security of having a person I love around when I need some physical "language of love" type love. Like holding hands. Yep, I'm that guy who likes holding hands. In public. Get used to it.

TOO LONG DID NOT READ VERSION: I'm glad I found this place to learn from others and put my thoughts down on "paper". I'm glad we're all different, and it's very enlightening to hear the different viewpoints. There will be some who disagree with me and think I'm being a chump, but I'm OK with it. The lumber doesn't bother me anymore.
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post #58 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 08:52 AM
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I posted this in another thread but it was kind of off topic.. So I'll put it here for posterity:


"
Seems like a few folks have very strong feelings against "settling down" and/or getting married ever again. I honestly think we all have our own wants and desires and to each their own. Here are my thoughts on the subject, as a different viewpoint (different, not better/worse) even though we might have strayed a bit from the original thread:

I hear you in that you were so miserable in marriage that you never want to try it again. I guess our situations were different. I was happy in marriage, until the end of both. I have never cheated, but have been cheated on in both of my marriages. Part of my failure was letting myself get into a rut and wanting to believe that I could "fix" things and keep things hunky dory. I can see now that all I was doing was staying in a sort of fog of my own, and not truly dealing with things that needed dealing with. It may not make sense to everyone, but the whole #3 thing rings very true to me.

I for one am a fan of marriage, or partnership, or whatever. I eventually want "the one" who I can travel life's path with. Have I chosen wrongly in the past and let my boundaries get trampled? Ab-so-fvcking-lutely. I am vowing to do better in the future. I don't NEED someone else to make me happy, but I WANT to share this life with a companion. I am a loyal person. I enjoy having someone else to talk to about how my day went and hear about theirs. I enjoy the security of having a person I love around when I need some physical "language of love" type love. Like holding hands. Yep, I'm that guy who likes holding hands. In public. Get used to it.

TOO LONG DID NOT READ VERSION: I'm glad I found this place to learn from others and put my thoughts down on "paper". I'm glad we're all different, and it's very enlightening to hear the different viewpoints. There will be some who disagree with me and think I'm being a chump, but I'm OK with it. The lumber doesn't bother me anymore.
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Love this GG. I have been cheated on and pretty much had my trust in people shaken to its core but I refuse to be jaded by it. I hope to someday work through those issues and try again. Whether its a long term relationship or a second marriage, one thing I know for sure is I don't want to end up growing old alone. I want to find a decent man to spend the rest of my life with.
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post #59 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 09:33 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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By the way, the current girl initiated the next date. Wants to go to an art exhibit at a local museum next Friday. It will be our 4th "date" So I thought the initiation on her part is a good sign, though I'm yet to figure out if we're dating or if I'm heading into friendzoneville. It won't kill me if that's where I'm heading, but it would be nice to know.
The initiation on her part is a good sign.

Does she flirt with you? Does she touch you (on your arm, etc) while talking? Have you kissed at all?

If you are still confused as to where it's going, try to flirt with her and see her reaction.

You are still early stages but hanging out four times if there is flirting and banter going on, touching, etc, winky-faces, then it sounds like you are on your way to datingville with this woman.

But if she isn't doing any of that stuff, it could be you're in the Friendzone...
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post #60 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-08-2013, 09:34 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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Party animal makes me think of the muppets character. Lol
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Animal was always my favorite muppet. There was a joie de vivre to him. Yes, that's right, I had a crush on a muppet.
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