Chronicles of the Good Guy - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #76 of 615 (permalink) Old 11-16-2013, 10:30 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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NEXT!! Very little contact all week.. So I texted her yesterday about the date tonight, to see if she had already gotten her ticket for the exhibit. She made up a lame excuse that she needed to work on homework (on a Friday night? That you had set up for us?), and wanted to reschedule to "another time" since the exhibit would be there until January. Nope, next.
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You're new into this dating thing, it's supposed to be fun.

This seems like problems. There are others out there, just move on.

As long as you learn from these experiences they weren't a waste of time. Have fun with it!!

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post #77 of 615 (permalink) Old 12-16-2013, 09:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

What to do about Christmas? D7 will be with me the first part of the day, then with her mom the second part. Ex is extremely cash strapped (her own doing, I take no responsibility for her poor choices), but will probably have zero money to buy her children anything. That's ok, I've got gifts for D7 and even one for my 14yo stepson covered. However my daughter wants to get something for her mom for Christmas. I'm all for her having a relationship with her mom and being able to enjoy Christmas with her mom. Initially I told her she could make something for her mom, but she says it's not the same. I want to teach her that everything in life is not about money, but at the same time she wants to be able to buy her mom something. We used to do this together of course, the kids would go with one parent to pick out a gift for the other, then vice versa. I'm not completely cold blooded, but it feels weird to hand my daughter money for a gift for this person who ripped our family apart. I guess I'm torn in this first Christmas as a divorced dad. What have you others done in the past?
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post #78 of 615 (permalink) Old 12-16-2013, 10:04 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

You've got her for the best part of the day. My first Christmas after separation I had mine for the second half of the day. By that stage they were tired and a bit over it so it just wasn't the same. Your ex is getting the sh!t end of the stick.

As for the gift (I may be out of step with other people here but I'll put my view forward regardless) swallow your pride a little on this one. It's not your fault that things panned out this way but it's not not D7s either. D7 like most of us gets a kick out of giving a gift to a loved one. Don't let her miss out on that joy because of her mother's actions.

Don't be overly generous by any means. You can be cheap because as everyone knows "it's the thought that counts".

By the way, This is only temporary. When ex mrs gg finds another sucker to pay the bills he can take care of it.

Enjoy spending time with your daughter this Christmas my friend.
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post #79 of 615 (permalink) Old 12-17-2013, 11:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Thank you T. As it turns out D7s school had a fundraiser with $5 to $15 dollar gifts for Christmas (my Lord is there a fundraiser every other week?). This one I was actually glad for because she wanted to pick out a gift for me, her brother, and her mom. Since I already have a gift for SS13, I gave her $20 and told her to go nuts. Not sure what she's picking out for each of us exactly but as you say, it will be the thought that counts and from her sweet little heart. Moving on..
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post #80 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-07-2014, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Holidays went surprisingly well. Little to no drama from the Ex. There were a couple of things here and there but I'm sick of talking about her, so I won't bore you with the details. (I think that's a positive step don't you?)

So my boss gave me a $100 gift certificate to Ruth's Chris steakhouse. (no, I don't want to get into a discussion about how this is a chain restaurant and how so many other places have better steaks). So I'm very excited to use the gift certificate, but unfortunately it expires on Jan 20. I don't want to go by myself to this one. I know its expensive but I don't think I could put away $100 of steak, sides and drink by myself, although there could be a challenge to that! I could take D7, but I don't know that she would appreciate the experience (do they even have a kids menu, lol?). I'm not dating anyone at the moment, so this is not date material. Ideas?
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post #81 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-07-2014, 10:12 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Yes that is progress that you don't want to waste your time talking about her. She's in the rear view mirror now. Bravo!!

Grab a friend and the two of you go. Maybe you'll meet some women who are out for a "girls night out." You never know.....
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post #82 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 07:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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Grab a friend and the two of you go. Maybe you'll meet some women who are out for a "girls night out." You never know.....
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Yeah that's the thing. All of my old friends are married and the only "single" guys I know work for me, so that's probably not appropriate. I thought about taking my brother who's also single.. we'll see.
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post #83 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 08:26 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Well your brother is a good idea. You have to use it - don't let it go to waste lol
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post #84 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 08:54 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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So my boss gave me a $100 gift certificate to Ruth's Chris steakhouse. (no, I don't want to get into a discussion about how this is a chain restaurant and how so many other places have better steaks). So I'm very excited to use the gift certificate, but unfortunately it expires on Jan 20. I don't want to go by myself to this one.
I love that place!

Yeah, ask your bro if he wants to go! Or another good friend!


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post #85 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-08-2014, 10:05 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Red meat is bad for you... but so what, tastes good. You should be able to find someone who will be good company.

Too lavish for a first date. By all means take your daughter. Does she have a best friend? Your daughter and her friend could split a steak. So, you'd have enough left over to pay for yourself and a buddy or relative.

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post #86 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-10-2014, 05:31 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Hey GG - you said a while back that with the girl you were dating the first couple of dates were pecks on the cheek and by the third date you'd hoped to kiss her. The physical aspect of dating has always stumped me. Not just when it's appropriate to sleep with someone but kissing and holding hands, etc. If a girl doesn't kiss you on the first date but still wants to go out with you, are guys okay with that? Do they see that as a sign that she's not into them? (I feel like I'm in middle school.)

btw: I can't see a woman agreeing to multiple dates unless she was into you.
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post #87 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-10-2014, 07:17 PM
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Hey GG - you said a while back that with the girl you were dating the first couple of dates were pecks on the cheek and by the third date you'd hoped to kiss her. The physical aspect of dating has always stumped me. Not just when it's appropriate to sleep with someone but kissing and holding hands, etc. If a girl doesn't kiss you on the first date but still wants to go out with you, are guys okay with that? Do they see that as a sign that she's not into them? (I feel like I'm in middle school.)

btw: I can't see a woman agreeing to multiple dates unless she was into you.
i often dont kiss on a first date and if i do only a peck, always a hug though... didnt give a guy a kiss on the first date and dated him for close to a year..
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post #88 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 08:35 AM Thread Starter
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Hey GG - you said a while back that with the girl you were dating the first couple of dates were pecks on the cheek and by the third date you'd hoped to kiss her. The physical aspect of dating has always stumped me. Not just when it's appropriate to sleep with someone but kissing and holding hands, etc. If a girl doesn't kiss you on the first date but still wants to go out with you, are guys okay with that? Do they see that as a sign that she's not into them? (I feel like I'm in middle school.)

btw: I can't see a woman agreeing to multiple dates unless she was into you.
FB, I can't speak for all men but I can for me. I don't go on a "date" unless I'm at least somewhat interested/curious. I don't know how to do the ONS thing. :-/ so no, I don't expect a kiss on the first date, maybe a hug. If it goes to a next date I might test the waters depending on if she's flirting back.
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post #89 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-11-2014, 11:00 AM
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Yeah that's the thing. All of my old friends are married and the only "single" guys I know work for me, so that's probably not appropriate. I thought about taking my brother who's also single.. we'll see.
This sounds like a giod idea. If it were me, I would use it to take out one or rwo of my friends who have been the most supportive and helpful through this process, as a way to say "thank you."
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post #90 of 615 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 12:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

GG update:
I ended up taking D7 with me to the restaurant to have a daddy daughter date. It was fun for me, although she still found something to complain about that they didn't have a "kids" menu. I have to work on not spoiling her. All part of fatherhood....

The last couple of weeks I've been talking with my counselor about having women to talk to, to chat with. Having been through what I've been through, I do not want to be any part of any emotional affair with a married woman or even a serious girlfriend, and my IC and I have talked about how slippery this slope is. It's weird that when I was married I could talk to another married woman and not feel even a thread of weirdness. Now that I am single I'm having to make sure I'm not stepping on anyone else's boundaries nor my own.

Tonight I was checking on an old friend who's family has had to do a ton of house renovations to alleviate a serious allergy situation with their 2 YO daughter. This was the same friend who set me up with the last person I tried to date. I was able to talk through what happened with this person and we both laughed it off. Also found out some more about the person I tried to date and was able to say "and you set me up with her? WTF I don't need that kind of crazy"

Still learning boundaries, and still learning a lot. It was a great conversation (I know her husband as well and he chimed in a few times over speaker phone) so I think this particular convo went OK. Thoughts?
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