Chronicles of the Good Guy - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #106 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-13-2014, 04:00 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

You'd think that she would know by now that you will call her out on her bullsh!t. So to lie about claiming D7 then lie again about advice from a "tax professional" shows some fairly extreme stupidity.

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post #107 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-13-2014, 05:02 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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You'd think that she would know by now that you will call her out on her bullsh!t. So to lie about claiming D7 then lie again about advice from a "tax professional" shows some fairly extreme stupidity.
or extreme arrogance.

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post #108 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-13-2014, 08:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Guess who hasn't called the last 3 nights in a row to talk to her daughter? You guessed it. Mother of the year.
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post #109 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-13-2014, 10:32 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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Guess who hasn't called the last 3 nights in a row to talk to her daughter? You guessed it. Mother of the year.
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But, she claimed the $1,800
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post #110 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-13-2014, 11:06 PM Thread Starter
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But, she claimed the $1,800
That's on the her and the IRS. I cannot control her actions. I can only display true reality. Which I will do and I will win. The IRS will come after their money in a year or so.
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post #111 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-18-2014, 11:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

D7 went with her mom for about 2 hours tonight.. played at the park, ate dinner. When she got home we were working on her homework. I taught her how to subtract on paper if you needed to borrow from the tens column. That was pretty cool. :-)

Later she asked me if I would get married again. WOW, that question hammered me. I told her I didn't know, but that it was possible a long time from now. Without me prompting she said that her mom had said she probably would one day. Not that I care what her mom does, but damn, talking about it to a seven year old? I dunno.. D7 said that she wishes her mom and I could get married again (with tears in her eyes), so she could be with both of us and her brother again. Man that tears me up inside to see my daughter cry.. even a single tear down one cheek. Gotta watch that to be prepared for the "manufactured" tears later in life - this one I do not think was forced.

I told her that it was OK to miss the way things used to be, and that this was the way things are now. I was as gentle as I could be. I do not want to give her the hope that there is a possibility of her mom and I getting back together, but she's obviously not at the age where I can truly explain things to her yet.

Damn it's difficult at times being a single dad of a girl. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
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post #112 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-18-2014, 11:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

In other news, I was supposed to have a lunch "date" today with a woman I met last week for coffee. She rescheduled, but at least offered another day. Pretty sure this is not "the one" but I thought I could use the experience of a lunch date after the coffee. Eyes wide open, 50K feet, etc. Two single parents trying to work out schedules can be difficult! :-)
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post #113 of 615 (permalink) Old 02-19-2014, 02:35 PM
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D7 went with her mom for about 2 hours tonight.. played at the park, ate dinner. When she got home we were working on her homework. I taught her how to subtract on paper if you needed to borrow from the tens column. That was pretty cool. :-)

Later she asked me if I would get married again. WOW, that question hammered me. I told her I didn't know, but that it was possible a long time from now. Without me prompting she said that her mom had said she probably would one day. Not that I care what her mom does, but damn, talking about it to a seven year old? I dunno.. D7 said that she wishes her mom and I could get married again (with tears in her eyes), so she could be with both of us and her brother again. Man that tears me up inside to see my daughter cry.. even a single tear down one cheek. Gotta watch that to be prepared for the "manufactured" tears later in life - this one I do not think was forced.

I told her that it was OK to miss the way things used to be, and that this was the way things are now. I was as gentle as I could be. I do not want to give her the hope that there is a possibility of her mom and I getting back together, but she's obviously not at the age where I can truly explain things to her yet.

Damn it's difficult at times being a single dad of a girl. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Great answer. You handled it like a pro - just like you always do.
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post #114 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-07-2014, 08:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Just had my annual evaluation at work. It was the first time in 14 years that I've had anything scored below target. It ended up being above target overall, but seeing those below target sections tore me up a little. They were absolutely valid though, it just sucked that traumas of divorce had such an impact on my work. Guess it could be worse. I've seen and heard about a lot of other people who completely fall apart and quit or lose their job...
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post #115 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-07-2014, 11:15 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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Just had my annual evaluation at work. It was the first time in 14 years that I've had anything scored below target. It ended up being above target overall, but seeing those below target sections tore me up a little. They were absolutely valid though, it just sucked that traumas of divorce had such an impact on my work. Guess it could be worse. I've seen and heard about a lot of other people who completely fall apart and quit or lose their job...
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This is pretty normal, I think. I did my best to hold it together at work, but I knew my performance fell. My work was still adequate, but I'm normally an overachiever, so that was rough.

It's interesting that you make that comment about people quitting their jobs, though... I've also realized through this process just HOW MUCH I dislike my job and my boss. I'm good at my job, and he's good at his job, but I hate working with him, and I feel that he constantly holds me to a higher standard than the other staff members, and it creates a lot of unnecessary stress in my life.

It took this shake up in my personal life for me to realize all of this. For a while, I was like, I need to keep this job, because I need to maintain this crazy standard of living because I live in this crazy expensive city. And none of it is making me happy. I don't like my job, I work WAY too many hours to have a healthy work-life balance, it's way too stressful, and i never have any money because this city is too expensive.

So, I've decided... f*ck that. F*ck it all. I've started developing my escape plan. Over the next 6 months, I'm going to save every penny, get a side gig doing freelance editing, and liquidate as many of my personal possessions as possible. And then I'm getting the f*ck out of Dodge. Give up the job, the apartment, etc, and I'm going to bum around Europe for a few months.

After that? Who knows? I might bum around the US for a couple more months. There's so much just here in the US that I haven't seen. It's wide open to me now.


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post #116 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-09-2014, 11:52 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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D7 went with her mom for about 2 hours tonight.. played at the park, ate dinner. When she got home we were working on her homework. I taught her how to subtract on paper if you needed to borrow from the tens column. That was pretty cool. :-)

Later she asked me if I would get married again. WOW, that question hammered me. I told her I didn't know, but that it was possible a long time from now. Without me prompting she said that her mom had said she probably would one day. Not that I care what her mom does, but damn, talking about it to a seven year old? I dunno.. D7 said that she wishes her mom and I could get married again (with tears in her eyes), so she could be with both of us and her brother again. Man that tears me up inside to see my daughter cry.. even a single tear down one cheek. Gotta watch that to be prepared for the "manufactured" tears later in life - this one I do not think was forced.

I told her that it was OK to miss the way things used to be, and that this was the way things are now. I was as gentle as I could be. I do not want to give her the hope that there is a possibility of her mom and I getting back together, but she's obviously not at the age where I can truly explain things to her yet.

Damn it's difficult at times being a single dad of a girl. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Yes it is. I have two of them
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post #117 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-10-2014, 04:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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This is pretty normal, I think. I did my best to hold it together at work, but I knew my performance fell. My work was still adequate, but I'm normally an overachiever, so that was rough.

It's interesting that you make that comment about people quitting their jobs, though... I've also realized through this process just HOW MUCH I dislike my job and my boss. I'm good at my job, and he's good at his job, but I hate working with him, and I feel that he constantly holds me to a higher standard than the other staff members, and it creates a lot of unnecessary stress in my life.

It took this shake up in my personal life for me to realize all of this. For a while, I was like, I need to keep this job, because I need to maintain this crazy standard of living because I live in this crazy expensive city. And none of it is making me happy. I don't like my job, I work WAY too many hours to have a healthy work-life balance, it's way too stressful, and i never have any money because this city is too expensive.

So, I've decided... f*ck that. F*ck it all. I've started developing my escape plan. Over the next 6 months, I'm going to save every penny, get a side gig doing freelance editing, and liquidate as many of my personal possessions as possible. And then I'm getting the f*ck out of Dodge. Give up the job, the apartment, etc, and I'm going to bum around Europe for a few months.

After that? Who knows? I might bum around the US for a couple more months. There's so much just here in the US that I haven't seen. It's wide open to me now.
I too am an overachiever, and I'm choosing to take my licks and get my performance back to where it was before. I suppose my story is different in that I do like my job, so I'm going to be sticking around for a while if they'll keep me. Thanks for sharing your story.
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post #118 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-10-2014, 09:12 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

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I too am an overachiever, and I'm choosing to take my licks and get my performance back to where it was before. I suppose my story is different in that I do like my job, so I'm going to be sticking around for a while if they'll keep me. Thanks for sharing your story.
I'm glad that you like your job! I think that's important. And if your supervisors know anything about life, they understand that divorce really is a trauma and should be treated accordingly, and that you will return to your former grandeur, you just need time

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post #119 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-11-2014, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Yep, thanks FIP. :-)
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post #120 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-20-2014, 02:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

It's becoming clear that I need to have a serious discussion with X regarding her new BF of 3 months. Apparently there is even talk of her taking things to the next level with him - marriage (boy she's moving even faster than with me!). I have met him, very briefly, but I know very little about him. I know that he spends many nights with her, if not living with her. He is there when my daughter goes to visitation. D7 mentions him and his dog when she comes home.

I feel nothing about him with X, that ship sailed long ago. However I'm extremely protective of my daughter. I told X this the other day before a parent/teacher conference (one that was scheduled weeks ago and she showed up to without being reminded. I was thinking there was no way she would remember, and I did not reach out to remind her, yet there she was. Improvement.) We got into a short discussion, not heated, about how I knew nothing about this guy, and when we divorced we agreed to inform each other about SOs in our lives. Observing what little I can observe, it does not appear that he's trying real hard to do much with his life (moving into a messy apartment with a single mom, has no car, works a low end restaurant job). He may be the nicest guy in the world, but from the outside my first impressions are not great. Mind you, my opinion comes from high standard that I hold myself to, many choose to live their lives differently that I do.

I say all that to say this. I'm on the fence about how I deal with my X and her BF. On one hand, X seems to be calming her life down. She has held this current job (same lower end restaurant as her BF works at) for a few months. She is getting ready to move to a closer town so that she can spend more time with D7. Those seem to be good improvements in which I applaud. On the other hand, I'm extremely protective of my little girl, and when she said she was moving closer she started talking about joint custody. I got defensive immediately and said "thats not what the divorce decree says". We would have to go to court for her to try to get true joint custody (which she wouldn't win). However if she's truly getting her life together I am not against extra time with her daughter, assuming the new guy is safe.
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