Chronicles of the Good Guy - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #121 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-20-2014, 02:46 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Personally, I'd just stay in observation mode right now. Three months is not very long.

Remember, you are divorced now. You have no say in who your ex dates/shacks up with, etc.

Being a protective Dad is fine. Just have conversations with your D about what is appropriate when she is visiting her mother. For instance, OM should not be helping her bathe, etc.


"A healthy choice to enforce boundaries by walking away from a dysfunctional relationship has more to do with recognizing the likeliest outcomes than with wanting to punish or retaliate against one's wayward spouse."

-TAM member Moxy
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post #122 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-20-2014, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThreeStrikes View Post
Personally, I'd just stay in observation mode right now. Three months is not very long.

Remember, you are divorced now. You have no say in who your ex dates/shacks up with, etc.

Being a protective Dad is fine. Just have conversations with your D about what is appropriate when she is visiting her mother. For instance, OM should not be helping her bathe, etc.
Thanks TS. I agree, I have no say in who she gets with, I hope it didn't come across like I was.

We do have conversations, but nothing specifically about bathing. I'll cover that one as well.
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post #123 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-20-2014, 05:34 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

As a father, just the thought of my children being in the care of a man I don't know well enough to trust makes me extremely uncomfortable. Fortunately for me with my ex being a lesbian I haven't had to deal with that concern as many other men do. Somehow the natural instinct for protection of my young is nullified in my situation.

So I can't offer any experienced based advice on this subject. What I can offer is this - I feel for you buddy.

Arm your child with knowledge so that she can identify an inappropriate situation before it gets out of hand.

Throughout the course of your threads here you have displayed incredibly good judgement in a multitude of situations. I have confidence in your ability to handle this.
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post #124 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-22-2014, 03:18 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

GG.....I can't believe I missed your D thread. Need to read it.

I can relate to how you felt after D and while going thru it, where to meet

people. I'm in the state to your east and in a rural area. I tried dating sites

and was not thrilled at all. Most seemed to be on them for attention and to

play games. From my personal experiences, I was always "eyeing" some girl

when I was blindsided by another. When you are searching for someone, it

never happens. When you stop, they come out of the woodwork. Something like

jobs, when you're frantically searching for one, they fall on deaf ears. Right after

you land a job, every one calls wanting to interview you, even from the resume you

sent out nine months prior. As for the "5 date gal," most women with solid morals

will give clues if they are interested. Blowing you off on that Sunday.... classless.

Luckily the gal I have been seeing, we met by chance before my D was final.

Dating is like acting, you have to get your name out there.

Your taxes will be held up but maybe not audited. X is FOS about not being able

to change them. My X wanted us to file joint last year because she claimed two

and did not pay much in taxes. I downright refused, I was getting $1k back and

she was having to pay in $2k. If she had enough $ to join five dating sites as a

paying member, she must have $ to blow.

......The OM.... doubtful she even cares for him. He is there for convenience.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #125 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-22-2014, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Chuck, you covered a lot there, thanks! Feel free to read my D thread, though I will say it's just another sad tale that's played out here a million times
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post #126 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-29-2014, 12:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

I posted this in the singles thread as well but thought I'd add it to my updates here as well.

Went on a date today at lunch. It was fantastic. She's a really cool chick who I met at a volunteer event. And her eyes.......
Ok I'm back. I'm brooding tonight. She's quite a bit younger than me (I'm 33, she's not quite 26). She's never been married, no kids, and certainly not experienced with "life" as I unfortunately am. I'd love to date her for a while just to see if we could have some fun, but alas I think the differences are too much. I let myself get excited about the date and now I'm feeling disappointed that it will probably not work. Boo.
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post #127 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-29-2014, 03:30 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

If you like her just go out and have fun. She doesn't have to be marriage material. Sounds like you need to loosen up and just have a good time with someone. It's not a wedding vow, it's just a date. A good time with someone else.

Dating isn't a commitment. It's a test drive.

D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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post #128 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-29-2014, 11:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

I agree FIL. I'm not sure she wants to try to date me. When she asked how old I was and I told her, I could see this "oh.." look on her face. She messages me after to thank me for lunch, I say we should do it again soon, and she replied with "sure". :-/
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post #129 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-29-2014, 11:30 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Nope..she's done with you. Sorry.

She didn't know your age before you went out? If I don't know how old you are beforehand, I don't date you. I need to know a person a LOT more before I'll spend any time with them personally.

Ah well..live and learn. I never buy the first car I take for a test drive...even if I like it.

D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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post #130 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-29-2014, 11:48 PM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

if you want to go out with her again, mention it in a few days.

no response....move on. But I think FoaL is right. If you did

not like her, you are not obligated to contact her again. It was a

meet n greet..... next....


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #131 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 12:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Oh I liked her very much. I can tell there's probably nothing long term, which is fine, but the reaction afterwards was a bit cold, even though she touched my arm as she thanked me for lunch. (Before the message of thanks later). Oh well.
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post #132 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 01:05 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

Maybe the age difference did bother her. As you get older, 7 years isn't that big a deal. You could try contacting her again and seeing if she wants to go out. If not, then you know for sure. Can't hurt.

D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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post #133 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 01:09 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

I can relate to living in a small town....you get the good vibe and....

it fizzles out like a bad fart. the reason people in small towns do

not spread gossip so much....good bet the person you are talking to

is related to the person being spoke of

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #134 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 03:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

I'll check in after the weekend. Que sera sera
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post #135 of 615 (permalink) Old 03-30-2014, 06:10 AM
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Re: Chronicles of the Good Guy

If you don't contact her, she may be offended. To avoid rejection you don't have to say do you want to go out again. Write and talk about something else.

You're going to do all right in the dating game. Just keep your chin up. You're a not a good guy for nothing, some nice chick is going discover it.

Don't discount yourself. Your ex was perhaps a choice that you made because you did not have confidence. But the way you have handled a tough situation has not only tested your character, you have come out stronger, better and wiser. That is not true of all BS.
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