regrets anyone?
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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 09-04-2013, 03:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default regrets anyone?

I rarely think about this but I guess tonight is different.

my beautiful gf, met her at 15. her eyes so sparkly. her lips so thin and soft. and that beautiful smile.

but that laughter. boy i tell you, that laughter of hers did something to my soul. I can still hear it so clear.

I guess if someone would ask me what I miss most about her. I would say hearing her laughter.

she was a walk away wife. it stunned me so awful when I found out she was leaving.

I questioned everything, about her, about me about us. and i was left to figure it out by myself.

she did so so much for me, that i honestly believe my love for her had such a strong affect on me that i fell into depression.

see, i loved her so much. that when her mother died. I saw her pain and her laughter would be silent. for a very long time I would see tears in her sparkly eyes.

I grew frustrated that I could not bring her mother back who in fact was a very beautiful person. one of the most loving persons i have ever met. her untimely death caused her to miss our wedding in 2004 and our divorce in 2011.

my ex left because i was no longer her fernie as she knew me. i told her i would return to the man i was. and she said "i won't believe you fernie" as she cried through the phone

it is a long road this road of recovery. but i am now a functioning person. and in march 2014 i will reach my last goal i set up for myself.

so my regret is that my beautiful x wife will never know that i kept my promise. a year ago i found out she had moved on. and i knew that this long journey i had to face alone.

i have had offers to date and sometimes i do but it never gets to anything physical because that laughter, and those sparkly eyes still dance in my soul.

what is your regret?
thanx for sharing in advance
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Old 09-04-2013, 02:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

Today I feel like I have no regrets. Everything that has happened has led me to typing these words on this computer to you right now.
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Old 09-04-2013, 02:22 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

It's hard for me to just say the words 'I have no regrets,' but functionally, I think that's how I feel. There are plenty of things I wish I'd done differently, but when I really look at those things in context, I realize that there were reasons for the things I did or didn't do. If I had acted differently, there's absolutely no proof or guarantee that things would have turned out better. I wasn't in my marriage by myself, and I didn't act in a vacuum. In the long run, I can't and don't regret marrying him. Little things along the way, sure -- those I regret. But the most important thing to me is to understand why I did the things I did and didn't do, and to learn from them.
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Old 09-04-2013, 02:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

Right now, my only real regret is not filing that court order for temporary support much, much sooner.
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Old 09-04-2013, 02:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

Lol. Interesting responses. I'm sure each one of you has a story to tell. This post was created for all of you (and myself) to come here and feel free to share anything you wish that may help you or others through your experience.

I do not hate my ex. I accepted my part (which was a big part) and I let go of my anger an only love remains both for her and myself. One day I hope to love again or at least to love being alone. It will take more time I suppose since I don't open up so easily.

I guess I still get a feeling of sadness how I loved her so much and I had no say in staying together. I'm 37 now.
Never dated since I was with her from age 15-35. I still feel lost or confused about the process. But I guess it will come later because I still need things to do alone .
Sad at times and happy at times.

I rarely sit down and think of those last events because it brings up so many questions that I do not know the answers too.

Not knowing is the worst of really why she left .

Well anyway. Yes feel free to keep sharing.

One quick question though. Why do people change so much? I mean people love each other and marry then they hate each other in court. Fight for money etc. ?
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Old 09-04-2013, 03:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

Regrets? I can look at myself, and I can say I did everything I could do to save my marriage. That process turned me into a fun filled, happy, cool person. I love life, and dating has been so much fun! I am now my very own upgrade. Too bad for my ex, so good for me.
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Old 09-04-2013, 03:57 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Regrets? I can look at myself, and I can say I did everything I could do to save my marriage. That process turned me into a fun filled, happy, cool person. I love life, and dating has been so much fun! I am now my very own upgrade. Too bad for my ex, so good for me.
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Like this very much
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

I regret agreeing to buying a house that I didn't even want just to please him....while he was in the middle of an affair....(I didn't know that at the time)

Its the one thing that just really really really really really makes me disappointed in myself.
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I regret agreeing to buying a house that I didn't even want just to please him....while he was in the middle of an affair....(I didn't know that at the time)

Its the one thing that just really really really really really makes me disappointed in myself.
If anything this just shows how much u were willing to do for your marriage. Buying a house to please your partner is a very big show of love. You should be proud of your part. It sounds more like a regret he should have of not seeing this beautiful action by your part
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

Great topic. So regrets? I can honestly say I don't regret much if at all. I don't regret leaving as I was tremendously unhappy. I don't regret being honest for months on how unhappy I was. I don't regret reading books on relationships to know how to make a healthy one. I don't regret being nice to her and making sure she had support to get through it. I don't regret comforting her.

I don't even regret the past 9 years. I was not ready for the insights I have gained. I think that the last 9 years had there place. Even if I had all these insights they would not of meant anything to me 9 years ago. I would of never taken them to heart I needed the pain of the last years to make me see how much I needed to work on me. Really the insights and help came at the time I was ready to accept them. For that I am VERY grateful. Those years pushed me grow as a person and now I can look in the mirror somedays and say hey I love you and it now be lie.

As for why people change well sometimes like me we go into relationships broken and we seek out bad things we go TOWARD situations that will hurt us. And then slowly so damn slowly we grow to understand that fact and we get help then we realize we are not that person.
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Old 09-04-2013, 06:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: regrets anyone?

Very good topic. I have to admit, I do regret LOTs of things, but I think I can say that about my entire life and not just my marriage and divorce.

I have a beautiful child so to say I regret my marriage is not right. I think I learned from a lot of things that happened. I now have a better understanding of my "gut instincts" and I have learned to listen to them better. I could say I regret the year I wasted trying to save the marriage while my ex was in an affair but, hell, I didn't know she was doing that. I could also regret the way I acted a lot of times as I know I was a complete A$$ and while I may be ashamed of the way I acted I also know I've tried my best to learn from it.
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Old 09-04-2013, 08:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by ferndog View Post
If anything this just shows how much u were willing to do for your marriage. Buying a house to please your partner is a very big show of love. You should be proud of your part. It sounds more like a regret he should have of not seeing this beautiful action by your part
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I really never ever looked at it that way.......

All I saw was him using me for my credit and wanting this house since it was so close to his work him and his AP could go there on lunch.....litterally was a 10min walk from the house

Yes, he was my husband and I did want to make him happy....just regret not standing up for myself in what I wanted in a house vs him convincing me to buy the POS I currently own. He got it in the divorce but abandoned it 2 months ago so now I am left to deal with a house that I absolutely hate. It puts me in a bad mood...lol
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Old 09-04-2013, 08:55 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Great topic. So regrets? I can honestly say I don't regret much if at all. I don't regret leaving as I was tremendously unhappy. I don't regret being honest for months on how unhappy I was. I don't regret reading books on relationships to know how to make a healthy one. I don't regret being nice to her and making sure she had support to get through it. I don't regret comforting her.

I don't even regret the past 9 years. I was not ready for the insights I have gained. I think that the last 9 years had there place. Even if I had all these insights they would not of meant anything to me 9 years ago. I would of never taken them to heart I needed the pain of the last years to make me see how much I needed to work on me. Really the insights and help came at the time I was ready to accept them. For that I am VERY grateful. Those years pushed me grow as a person and now I can look in the mirror somedays and say hey I love you and it now be lie.

As for why people change well sometimes like me we go into relationships broken and we seek out bad things we go TOWARD situations that will hurt us. And then slowly so damn slowly we grow to understand that fact and we get help then we realize we are not that person.
Thank you for this post. I have been reflecting on myself quite a bit this past month and have been having these same types of thoughts. My journey started 7 yrs ago....and I'm thankful for all of it. As painful as its been it, I wouldn't change a thing....well...besides the house thing LOL
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Old 09-04-2013, 09:34 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by vi_bride04 View Post
Thank you for this post. I have been reflecting on myself quite a bit this past month and have been having these same types of thoughts. My journey started 7 yrs ago....and I'm thankful for all of it. As painful as its been it, I wouldn't change a thing....well...besides the house thing LOL
Shyte I am with you on that front. Own a house with the X now got to decide what the hell to do with the thing. Can't sell it we would take away debt from it. Not sure she can make the payments on it not sure I WANT to make the payments on it. But hey we always got ourselves ya know? Oh and our friends it amazed me how many people wanted to spend time with me once I finally came out of the darkness so many good people just waiting for me. I can honestly say I have not been this happy in years.
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Old 09-05-2013, 05:50 AM   #15 (permalink)
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I really never ever looked at it that way.......

All I saw was him using me for my credit and wanting this house since it was so close to his work him and his AP could go there on lunch.....litterally was a 10min walk from the house

Yes, he was my husband and I did want to make him happy....just regret not standing up for myself in what I wanted in a house vs him convincing me to buy the POS I currently own. He got it in the divorce but abandoned it 2 months ago so now I am left to deal with a house that I absolutely hate. It puts me in a bad mood...lol
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