Any go through peroid of inappropriate - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-04-2013, 08:37 AM Thread Starter
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Any go through peroid of inappropriate


Divroce started 3 years ago. Final about 1 year ago. I did not want it. I wasn't the happiest of spouses but thought staying the course would have been worth it in the long run. She did not agree. She had been having an affair. My record up to that point was spotless. A squeaky clean husband.

When divorce started I was approached by a coworker (married) who told me how upset she was that we were never single at the same time, she always wanted to date...One thing led to another and over the last 3 years we are on and off, sneaking around. It isn't right and we regularly say we are stopping but a few weeks later we are meeting after work and it starts again. I don't think she will leave current husband even though I don't think she is 100% happy (is anyone?) So this is doomed.

I also go back and forth with an old girlfriend from school days. She is married too. Complains about husband yet there is no reason to think she will leave.

During all this I have dated a few very nice quality ladies but can't commit (or don't want to) due to all the distractions.

It isn't sex. Sexual relations with other (legit) ladies were always healthy and normal. Yet I always wanted to be with either of these other two.

I know this is wrong. I know it is no way to start a real relationship. Why am I setting myself up for disappiontment (or worse?) I don't see any long term quality time with either.

Nobody that knows me would believe any of this, I would never in my life have been involved in a soap opera like this but here I am. I'm not asking what to do. I know what I should do. Cool it with everyone and allow dust to settle and figure out what I am looking for. My question is more whether or not others have had periods of behavior that was very out of character after divorce was final.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-04-2013, 09:12 AM
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Re: Any go through peroid of inappropriate

You aren't emotionally available and are choosing women who are also not emotionally available. However dating a married woman is VERY painful to the husband - go read a few stores in "coping with infidelity" and you'll be ashamed enough to stop. If anyone is that unhappy they need to leave and deal with their emotional baggage before entering ANY relationship, even just a physical one.

You need time to focus on you. Get healthy in your head again. Forget dating right now - as you say yourself, the sex isn't that important to you. Start doing things that make you feel good about who you are.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." - Albert Camus
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-04-2013, 09:21 AM
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Re: Any go through peroid of inappropriate

Don't be the posOM.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-04-2013, 03:18 PM
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Cool Re: Any go through peroid of inappropriate

Originally Posted by lowbattery View Post
I know this is wrong.
So stop it. You have a choice.

Go to the Coping with Infidelity thread and read some stories. It may wake you up a little bit.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-08-2013, 03:02 AM
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Any go through peroid of inappropriate

You are not responsible for anyone else's behaviour but your own.

If these women are making themselves available for you, then the impact on their relationship is not your fault.

I would however look at the reasons for what is going on.
Why are you not interested in moving on after so long?
Why are you doing the same thing your ex is doing?

It may be an idea to speak with someone about what is going on so you can work through this.

I would also stay away from both of those women. They will not leave. They are unhappy in their marriages but there is something that is holding them there. That is unhealthy for you.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-10-2013, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Pbartender View Post
Don't be the posOM.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-10-2013, 12:20 PM
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Re: Any go through peroid of inappropriate

You do yourself no favors living in limbo like this.
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