Two week notice - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

I got a text from the ex. He wanted to know what "we" were getting the kids for Christmas. Un-frigging-believable.

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post #32 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 03:55 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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I got a text from the ex. He wanted to know what "we" were getting the kids for Christmas. Un-frigging-believable.
"What did you have in mind?"
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post #33 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-10-2013, 09:09 PM
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Re: Two week notice

"We" are not getting the kids anything. I've already done my shopping. Merry Christmas!

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
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post #34 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-11-2013, 08:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

I told him that I wasn't sure since money was so tight (five months with no cs)
During the marriage I always took care of all the holidays, and it just amazes me that he assumes that will continue post-D.
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post #35 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-11-2013, 12:54 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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I told him that I wasn't sure since money was so tight (five months with no cs)
During the marriage I always took care of all the holidays, and it just amazes me that he assumes that will continue post-D.
Especially if he's not paying any support. Five months!! That's disgusting. Can you report him to any agencies in your state?

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
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post #36 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-11-2013, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

I certainly could report him to social services. He got cash from the division of my retirement and indicated he was going to cash it out. I've given him a deadline to pay all back support, or off to social services I go. He's not employed so when this is money is used up that's likely all the kids are going to get for awhile.

It does make me wonder what kind of holiday he and the latest gf are going to have.
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post #37 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-11-2013, 02:44 PM
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Re: Two week notice

Yes -- report him! Before he can say the money's all gone. It should go to his kids before some skank-ass gf.

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
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post #38 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-14-2013, 08:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

I'm not sure what to do, if anything.

My ex called yesterday to give me another story about why I'm not getting my money yet. Part of it was true and the money is coming, eventually. The conversation included another journey into his crazy town about how other people are disrespecting him by not doing what he wants, when he wants it.

Then at the end of the conversation he asked about D16. Now this is the guy who hasn't seen the kids in eight months, not even when D12 was mauled by a dog. But he's asking. He said he texted D16 to find out what she wanted for Christmas and she wouldn't respond. I know for a fact he never did, I checked her phone. He texted about a month ago and D16 didn't respond. So maybe he's splitting hairs. I can't tell if it matters anymore. So I said
"Funny thing. I checked D16 phone and there was no Christmas text"
Ex "Well just ask her to contact me-even with a Hi Dad."
He started crying and got off the phone.

I didn't tell D16 about this, but I did mention that if she wants anything from her father she should let him know. She replied that she wants nothing from him. She's the one who discovered his EA and sexting and he directly blamed her for the divorce. He's said some horrible things to her and she is not forgiving.
Do I just let them work this out? Is he actually trying to show remorse or am I projecting what a normal person would be feeling in this circumstance?
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post #39 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-14-2013, 08:51 AM
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Re: Two week notice

I think the advice most of us would give you is "Stop answering the calls from him".

"A healthy choice to enforce boundaries by walking away from a dysfunctional relationship has more to do with recognizing the likeliest outcomes than with wanting to punish or retaliate against one's wayward spouse."

-TAM member Moxy
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post #40 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-14-2013, 12:40 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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Originally Posted by Pluto2 View Post
I'm not sure what to do, if anything.

My ex called yesterday to give me another story about why I'm not getting my money yet. Part of it was true and the money is coming, eventually. The conversation included another journey into his crazy town about how other people are disrespecting him by not doing what he wants, when he wants it.

Then at the end of the conversation he asked about D16. Now this is the guy who hasn't seen the kids in eight months, not even when D12 was mauled by a dog. But he's asking. He said he texted D16 to find out what she wanted for Christmas and she wouldn't respond. I know for a fact he never did, I checked her phone. He texted about a month ago and D16 didn't respond. So maybe he's splitting hairs. I can't tell if it matters anymore. So I said
"Funny thing. I checked D16 phone and there was no Christmas text"
Ex "Well just ask her to contact me-even with a Hi Dad."
He started crying and got off the phone.

I didn't tell D16 about this, but I did mention that if she wants anything from her father she should let him know. She replied that she wants nothing from him. She's the one who discovered his EA and sexting and he directly blamed her for the divorce. He's said some horrible things to her and she is not forgiving.
Do I just let them work this out? Is he actually trying to show remorse or am I projecting what a normal person would be feeling in this circumstance?
My interpretation is he is still a POS stuck in crazy town.

"but he's asking" doesn't mean anything except that you are still falling for love crumbs.

I get it. After driving a POS car with no AC for 3 years I couldn't help but jump for joy once the AC was fixed.

But it was still a POS - just with AC.

He has to chose his own level of involvement with his daughter.

Let it be what it is.

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post #41 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-14-2013, 05:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

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My interpretation is he is still a POS stuck in crazy town.

"but he's asking" doesn't mean anything except that you are still falling for love crumbs.

I get it. After driving a POS car with no AC for 3 years I couldn't help but jump for joy once the AC was fixed.

But it was still a POS - just with AC.

He has to chose his own level of involvement with his daughter.

Let it be what it is.
A POS with AC. That is so true.
I know I'm worth more than crumbs.
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post #42 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-14-2013, 05:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

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Stop answering calls for him is right Pulto. I am in the same boat, no CS for year. He "can't" you see I ruined his life and his ability to make an income. THAT is why, well one of the reasons, I do not bother with contact. What happens is on top of the worries of struggling to be the sole provider, I then get hooked into the toxic pattern of guilt that I hurt him or I didn't work hard enough yada yada yada.


I reiterate, do not respond to his texts, that is the classic denial pattern they try. Let us see if Pluto has stopped her foolishness and we can get back to Hell as normal.

My family no longer responds to his texts or calls, he dragged them into crazy town.

Do what you need to do to be healthy, you cannot go out and take care of children and the finances with the kind of chaos and toxicity your ex is heaping your way.

Others may read this and say what is the big deal, don't project 2GM, but I say I know the score and it is no way to live.

Then, when you are strong they drag the kids into this. My ex showed up at an elementary school and shoved notes through the gate, left my daughter crying and drove away while all her friends watched.

Why? Well it is Christmas! It is Christmas! You have to do what they say!

No contact Pluto. They can take responsibility for themselves, you are too busy taking responsibility for yourself and your children. Talk to your daughter and respect her choices, teach her to stand up for herself, speak for herself and be healthy.
It is still hard, even after all the hurt.
I know in my head that no contact is best, but that naive, open-hearted person keeps hoping that if he's calling it means he might actually care about the kids and want to help. I'm an idiot.
All his call ended up being was shovels full of guilt, and I was feeling guilty because the daughter he treated so horribly wants nothing to do with him. D16 is so smart and while she can cut things to the quick, her heart is kind and her head is brilliant. I have to trust her in this.
When he was packing to leave, I told him the kind of relationship he has with the kids is up to him. I would not fix it. Guess I'm fighting my own words.
I cannot fix it.
I should get more than crumbs out of life.
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post #43 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-24-2013, 10:04 PM
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Re: Two week notice

Just stopping in to wish you a Merry Christmas, P2!

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
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post #44 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-27-2013, 08:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

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Just stopping in to wish you a Merry Christmas, P2!
Thanks! I hope you and yours had a marvelous holiday!
Slight update: The ex has asked to come see the kids. I said yes, since I always thought it would be in their best interest to have two parents in their lives, but I am dreading seeing him again. Oh well, we all make adjustments.

D16 wants to know when I plan to start dating. The thought of dating someone make me want to puke, so I guess that's a sign I am not ready. The D has only been finalized a couple of months, but its sweet that she wants me to find someone.
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post #45 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-27-2013, 09:41 AM
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Re: Two week notice

You might want to have an intermediary get you kids to your X to avoid any triggers.

Happy New Year,
Stretch
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