Two week notice - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 192Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-17-2014, 04:09 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

No help there. My salary is too high to qualify for the free legal aid, but my budget is so tight there's nothing extra left over. So will see how long it takes to get him served. Getting a wage garnishment should be pretty straightforward, provided he doesn't quit the job.

Pluto2 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-17-2014, 06:20 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 273
Re: Two week notice

Congrats. I thought my EX was bad but I am so sorry that you have to deal with him hurting your kids. I couldn't imagine having to explain that to my kids.

You are a strong woman though and you will shine through this.

Keep smiling!
sherri1997 is offline  
post #63 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-18-2014, 05:53 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

Thanks Sherri.
I haven't told the kids I'm filing. We've had no contact from him since Christmas and I'm feel fine leaving them out of the loop for now. They have enough on their plates with school and friends, I figure they don't need to carry the burden of knowing Mom has to take Dad to court to force him to pay support. They already know he's a hosebag and unless something else happens I'm trying to keep them out of it. All they know is that money is tight.
In the meantime, its prom time for high school and they all look so lovely.
Pluto2 is offline  
 
post #64 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-23-2014, 08:46 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

So yesterday was my birthday. Not a big deal, but the kids spoiled me and that felt nice.
The ex texted me "happy birthday". I have heard nothing from him in four months. The odd thing is that the last four or five years of the marriage he completely blew-off my birthday-no card, no flowers, nothing. Even last year was silent. Now suddenly he can read a calendar.
I ignored it and had a second piece of cake with the girls.
Wonder what he's going to text when he's served with the support enforcement papers?
Pluto2 is offline  
post #65 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-11-2014, 04:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

Happy Mother's Day to all the single moms out there.

Still waiting for social services to get something done on the child support. Since he's in another state they said it might take some time. Given their reputation maybe I'll see some cs by christmas.
Oh well, the grass is cut, the laundry is done and I'm going to go have a glass of wine.
Pluto2 is offline  
post #66 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-19-2014, 12:08 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

Today I got an angry voicemail and a snippy text from the ex, neither one of which I've responded to. He wants to know why I didn't call him to arrange a payment plan before I involved social services in his business. We had a payment plan called the divorce judgement.

Sadly, as soon as I saw his number pop up on the phone I felt sick. Maybe one day that will end. But right now its just like the stress from living with his verbal abuse has come right back.

Of course I still haven't received any money yet.
Pluto2 is offline  
post #67 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-19-2014, 12:52 PM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,271
Re: Two week notice

He's obviously trying to turn this around and place the blame on you. He's clearly in the wrong here. Stay strong, and stand your ground. (And keep that VM and text, just in case you need it later!)

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #68 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-20-2014, 08:06 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

Yesterday I had several more calls from the ex that I never took. Then there was a call from a different number I didn't recognize and I answered it-it was him. The conversation went sort of like this:

Ex: My work got the garnishment papers. Why didn't you call me to work out a payment plan.
Me: We have a payment plan, you ignore it. I've been extremely patient about this.

Ex; No you haven't. You took money from me in December when you knew I didn't have much.
Me: What I know is that you said you would pay back all the arrears then, and you didn't because you said it wasn't fair.

Ex: I never fought you when you had that outrageous support payment put in the divorce papers.
Me: We followed the state guidelines.

Ex: Whatever, its outrageous. I had to give up my own place because of you. But I'm not blaming you. Maybe I should take you to court and get it changed.
Me: Silence.

Ex: I don't know what's going on in your house, but talk to D17 and get her to contact me.
Me: She's 17 and I won't force her. I resent your implication that I do anything to alienate her from you. I don't operate that way.

Ex; Oh I'm not saying your a bad mother, I've never heard you say a bad word about anyone-but she would talk to me if you did things about it.
Me: Have you tried to call her in the last month?
Ex: You need to tell her I'm a good man and she thinks I made a mistake. We both made mistakes. I want you to acknowledge that I'm a good father, I never hit my kids.
Me: You never hit the kids.

Ex: And I'm a good father. Aren't I, Aren't I Aren't I.
Me: This conversation is over. I have to go.

I really wish I had a VAR. I can't for one minute believe that he would or could get custody. The kids are too old to be forced to move to another state, his situation is so unstable, and he would never make the effort to hire an attorney and fight me. But he sure likes to waive the "going to court" flag in my face when he thinks he'll get leverage and have me back down. He admitted he probably won't see the kids this summer. Yeah, that's a good father. Maybe he'll show up at Christmas.
Pluto2 is offline  
post #69 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-20-2014, 09:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: central US, not unicorn fantasy land
Posts: 1,296
Re: Two week notice

So if he is a "good father" wouldn't he pay child support or call his daughter after getting attacked by the dog?

I may not be the best father and probably a rotten H, but at least I have tried to support my kids. I work very hard to provide.

My wife just thinks I work to much. Maybe that is why she cheated. I work and work to pay the bills and my wife loves to shop. But at least I have tried my best to support the family. I guess that is what I get. Maybe that is a problem for me, but growing up that is what I was told over and over. A father is supposed to do all he can to provide. and that is all that I am good for.

Why didn't your ex H call you to work out his problem before you had to go to court?

Hope your kids are the best they can be.

Good luck in the future.
harrybrown is offline  
post #70 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-20-2014, 09:53 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: FLA
Posts: 604
Re: Two week notice

Very impressive Pluto!

Way to stand up for yourself.

Keep it up and get what you were promised.

It is up to him to maintain his relationship with his children not you.

You GO Girl!

Stretch is offline  
post #71 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-20-2014, 03:05 PM
Member
 
angelpixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: State of Unwedded Bliss
Posts: 7,764
Re: Two week notice

I can imagine how tough it was to talk to him, P2, and the physical reactions you were having. But you did great!!! Very proud of you. He needs you to absolve him -- that's why he's practically begging you to tell him he's a good father. And why would he need that if deep down he really thought what he was doing was right?

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
angelpixie is offline  
post #72 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-21-2014, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,627
Re: Two week notice

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelpixie View Post
I can imagine how tough it was to talk to him, P2, and the physical reactions you were having. But you did great!!! Very proud of you. He needs you to absolve him -- that's why he's practically begging you to tell him he's a good father. And why would he need that if deep down he really thought what he was doing was right?
Thanks for all the support.
Angelpixie, it was unexpectedly hard to have this conversation with him. He would lay blame on me for one thing and in the very next sentence say "but that's ok" or "I'm not blaming you." Of course he was blaming me.

The thing is, I am really struggling over whether to tell D17 that her Dad wants to try to reconnect. I know its his responsibility and I know he has made no effort, other than a tm every two or three months. The thing is, she won't respond. I have discussed this with her in the past and she thinks he could put forth some effort in reconciling. She told me she views him as a sperm donor, but nothing more. Isn't that sad. I did take her to a therapist shortly after he left because her anger was really impacting other parts of her life. The therapist said she was actually handling things well and that forgiveness could come in time if the ex was willing to work on it. Well of course he's not willing to work on a relationship-he just wants her to get over it and he wants me to do the work for him.

Should I keep my mouth shut?
Pluto2 is offline  
post #73 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-21-2014, 10:40 AM
Member
 
FeministInPink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 5,271
Re: Two week notice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pluto2 View Post
Thanks for all the support.
Angelpixie, it was unexpectedly hard to have this conversation with him. He would lay blame on me for one thing and in the very next sentence say "but that's ok" or "I'm not blaming you." Of course he was blaming me.

The thing is, I am really struggling over whether to tell D17 that her Dad wants to try to reconnect. I know its his responsibility and I know he has made no effort, other than a tm every two or three months. The thing is, she won't respond. I have discussed this with her in the past and she thinks he could put forth some effort in reconciling. She told me she views him as a sperm donor, but nothing more. Isn't that sad. I did take her to a therapist shortly after he left because her anger was really impacting other parts of her life. The therapist said she was actually handling things well and that forgiveness could come in time if the ex was willing to work on it. Well of course he's not willing to work on a relationship-he just wants her to get over it and he wants me to do the work for him.

Should I keep my mouth shut?
He should have never put you in that position, and it totally sucks. I would think you shouldn't have to say anything to her about it; he's basically asking you to manipulate her and force her to have a relationship with him that 1) she doesn't want, and 2) he doesn't care enough about to put in the effort himself. Even if you DO tell her (which she will, of course refuse), he'll still blame you for not doing enough to convince her. It's a lose-lose proposition for you, so I'd say don't do anything. It's not your responsibility (he's responsible for his own relationships), and she's old enough to make her own decisions (it's not like she's a petulant four-year-old who will hate you later for keeping her from her father).

But take my comment with a grain of salt--I have no kids, and so have never dealt with co-parenting. So mine's the opinion of no experience.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
FeministInPink is online now  
post #74 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-21-2014, 10:54 AM
Member
 
angelpixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: State of Unwedded Bliss
Posts: 7,764
Re: Two week notice

I would agree with FiP. If he stays true to form (and you have no reason to think he won't), you'll tell her he wants to contact her and he won't. That will stir things up for her again, which isn't fair and doesn't do her any good in her healing process. You're not standing in his way. The rest is up to the two of them.

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
angelpixie is offline  
post #75 of 177 (permalink) Old 05-21-2014, 11:12 AM
Member
 
zillard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 3,986
Re: Two week notice

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelpixie View Post
I would agree with FiP. If he stays true to form (and you have no reason to think he won't), you'll tell her he wants to contact her and he won't. That will stir things up for her again, which isn't fair and doesn't do her any good in her healing process. You're not standing in his way. The rest is up to the two of them.
If he wants to, he will, regardless of what you do or do not say.
zillard is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Do you 'notice' your W? walkingwounded General Relationship Discussion 30 03-17-2013 07:11 PM
Ever notice how..... highwood Coping with Infidelity 2 10-25-2012 08:42 PM
Ever notice.... frigginlost Life After Divorce 7 08-14-2012 02:54 PM
Wife grabs my ass three times this week. Been a good week. NoIssues General Relationship Discussion 3 11-13-2011 09:34 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome