Two week notice - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #91 of 177 (permalink) Old 06-13-2014, 11:47 AM
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Re: Two week notice

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Originally Posted by FeministInPink View Post
Ha ha, nicely done.

(Surprised. I'm surprised. Well, not now. Now I'm just disappointed. But I was surprised that he turned out to be such a sh*tty person.)
I'm like that with my ex.
Never in a million years did I ever think she had it in her to be so truly brutal and vindictive.

IT still shocks me to this day and now that she is all "Oooo! Lets be friends!" it just makes even weirder..

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post #92 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-29-2014, 06:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

I haven't posted in a while. The kids are good, No contact with ex.

But today I got a call from my doctor and the news wasn't fabulous. They've identified multiple melanoma's. My doctor gave me the plan of attack, and assured me it was caught fairly early, and even gave me her home phone if I freak out later tonight.
I'm not hysterical. But this is the first time since my D, I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.
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post #93 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 06:16 AM
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Re: Two week notice

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I haven't posted in a while. The kids are good, No contact with ex.

But today I got a call from my doctor and the news wasn't fabulous. They've identified multiple melanoma's. My doctor gave me the plan of attack, and assured me it was caught fairly early, and even gave me her home phone if I freak out later tonight.
I'm not hysterical. But this is the first time since my D, I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.
<hugs>
It will be okay.
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post #94 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 09:08 AM
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Re: Two week notice

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I haven't posted in a while. The kids are good, No contact with ex.

But today I got a call from my doctor and the news wasn't fabulous. They've identified multiple melanoma's. My doctor gave me the plan of attack, and assured me it was caught fairly early, and even gave me her home phone if I freak out later tonight.
I'm not hysterical. But this is the first time since my D, I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok.
You're gonna be alright, you've got this. *hugs*

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #95 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 09:09 AM
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Re: Two week notice

Pluto, I am sorry about the moment of fear you must have felt. Great news is they are detecting it with time and have a plan to attack them.
I got the same last year and opted for a surgery, which wasnt totally necesary but preferred; everything is ok now. Follow your doctors instructions and you should be ok. We are here for you!
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post #96 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 10:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

Thanks for the hugs. It really helped.

I go in next week for more surgery, but the MDs are very optimistic about everything, so that's good.
I thought about whether or not to tell the ex.- not because I want him to know how I am, but because I am the sole caregiver of the kids. Anyway I decided I'm just am not in the mood for one of his "How could you do this to me right now" diatribes. So, one less phone call I feel obliged to make. As long as the docs remain so positive this is just none of his business.
Is that the right call?
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post #97 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 10:21 AM
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Re: Two week notice

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Thanks for the hugs. It really helped.

I go in next week for more surgery, but the MDs are very optimistic about everything, so that's good.
I thought about whether or not to tell the ex.- not because I want him to know how I am, but because I am the sole caregiver of the kids. Anyway I decided I'm just am not in the mood for one of his "How could you do this to me right now" diatribes. So, one less phone call I feel obliged to make. As long as the docs remain so positive this is just none of his business.
Is that the right call?
Sounds like calling and telling him would just pile on more stress, so I say YES! Right call. You need as much positive energy as you can get right now. He doesn't need to know at this point in time, and you don't need to listen to his diatribes.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #98 of 177 (permalink) Old 09-30-2014, 10:35 AM
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Re: Two week notice

I agree, you dont need more stress. Last november when I had my surgery truth to be told I was expecting support from him but instead besides paying the co-payment for the medical insurance, he started asking for things of the work and doubts he had that only made me think he didnt care at all, I ended up sending him a pic of my surgery and inflated stomach asking to please leave me alone. Funny now that I think about it, but he stopped. No need for more stress.
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post #99 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-09-2014, 11:27 AM
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Re: Two week notice

So sorry to hear about this tough time, P2. I hope things are going OK. Please give us an update. You're in our thoughts. ((hugs))

I do totally understand how you're feeling. After my accident and then my surgery this summer, I had a lot of friends who were offering help and support. But the one thing I really, really longed for was someone to just put his arms around me and kind of physically 'hold me together' when I was shaking (literally and figuratively). It sucks. I think you're making the right choice to not tell the ex, though, since he's really not going to be a help to you even with the kids. I did choose to tell Chinless because we are co-parents, and I thought it was the 'right' thing to do. The lack of emotion was actually kind of scary to me, and his lack of consideration of how soon I'd be able to do things like drive out and get DS from his house after my surgery was a bit astounding. They aren't going to change, so it's best to devote that energy to your healing.

Surround yourself with people who are positive, who show you compassion and care, and avoid negativity (including that shown through lack of concern) like the plague.

You are a strong woman, P2. I'm pulling for you. <3

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
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post #100 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-09-2014, 12:13 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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As long as the docs remain so positive this is just none of his business.
Is that the right call?
Yes it's a bit early for that.

You're not going anywhere anytime soon.

Besides your kids are gonna know, so your ex will find out eventually.

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post #101 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 08:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

Thanks for the encouragement.
Had the second surgery and am waiting on lab reports. My body is not fond of being cut open, but I am healing. So I'm still waiting and hoping for the best.

I found it much easier to disclose my condition on this board than to tell some of my friends. Its always been difficult for me to accept help from others and I want to believe I can take care of it.

Lenzi, the kids do know, but since they don't communicate with their dad, he won't know. The only communication from him since March was a text to one of them, which he quickly told them was a mistake meant for someone else. He's a real sweetheart, that guy.

Anyway, thanks all.
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post #102 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 11:02 AM
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Re: Two week notice

I hope you get good news, P2. Make sure you take care of yourself. And if I can give you a piece of advice -- try to allow yourself to ask for help and to accept it. I used to be exactly like you, and it's still something I struggle with. It made me feel awful about myself, like I was weak and unable to deal with things. But that's not true. I also had to realize I had a lot of trouble trusting people. For people with feelings like we have, in a way, it takes more strength for us to be vulnerable and allow ourselves to be helped than to try to handle everything by ourselves.
But sometimes we MUST ask for help. For one thing, every thing you allow someone else to help with lets you put that energy into healing your body instead of doing chores and running errands. And you NEED to do that NOW. If someone offers to give you a ride somewhere, or take the kids for a few hours, or make a grocery run for you, let them. You might have to let go of things being done exactly the way you want them, but that's a good thing to learn, too.

When I moved out from the marital home in 2011, I did all but a little bit myself, and it was the dead heat of summer. Chinless wouldn't help because I wouldn't do it his way (which we couldn't afford). I didn't ask anyone to help me, and I ended up in the ER with severe dehydration. A couple friends at work found out and got furious at me for not asking them for help -- and they were there to help me finish. Though it was difficult, I learned my lesson and openly asked for help when I moved into my house in spring 2013. And I had tons of people who WANTED to help. Not all just really close friends, either. It actually made us closer friends.

It is SUPER hard to make those steps to reach out, but give it a try. I know you have friends here on TAM who would help if we could, so I'll bet there are people near you who feel the same way. ((hugs))

I'm undecided on which pants to wear today -- smarty, fancy or sassy?
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post #103 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 04:16 PM
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Re: Two week notice

with Angelpixie. Take care of yourself includes giving up somethings we arent used to do. So... literally take care of yourself please.

(((hugs)))
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post #104 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 06:44 PM
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Re: Two week notice

I also agree with Angelpixie. It can be hard to ask other people for help, when you're used to being the one holding everything together. People will help you if you ask them.

*hugs*

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #105 of 177 (permalink) Old 10-23-2014, 10:17 PM
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Re: Two week notice

Hi Pluto, how are you doing/feeling?
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