Two week notice - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #121 of 177 (permalink) Old 12-25-2014, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

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Pluto, I just want to say that I tip my hat to you..... you are one tough lady. I thought my ex was an arse, but yours is a piece of work. The loss is his.
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Thanks. He has no idea what he's missing!
Sure hope I don't have to keep being tough for long, it is a bit tiring.
Still, Merry Christmas!

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post #122 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-03-2015, 11:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

I was correct not to hold my breath for triple D's visitation. He was a no show yesterday, It broke DD13 heart. So I'm going to spend the day cooking with her while the older one is off at work. They go back to school Monday and seeing all her friends should brighten her mood as well.

Its hard to keep feeling detached from him when he continues to hurt the ones I love so much.
Maybe we'll paint a bedroom....
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post #123 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-03-2015, 11:21 AM
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Re: Two week notice

Pluto, have you told your daughter that her father has his own demons that have nothing to do with her? That's what i told my kids when they didn't hear much from their father after our divorce.
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post #124 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-03-2015, 11:33 AM
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Re: Two week notice

I know how sad it is... I know my 25 son misses his dad; they almost broke communication and relation became tense between the 2 of them and it hurts me much more than anything. He lives with me; good thing, at least they still have their mom
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post #125 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-04-2015, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

Well, well triple D did show-up Saturday evening. I mentioned that we were expecting him yesterday and he said I got the day wrong. [I look down at the text that said he'd arrive Friday around noon]. Whatever.
He sat down, watched a basketball game and then left for the night. He came by this morning and took the younger DD out for breakfast, the older one was at work. And left. Less than 24 hours. that's a new record for triple D!

His lack of effort was not missed on the kids. I have told them about his demons and how it impacts his thought process. I've also told them that it explains things about him but does not give him a free pass to treat others poorly. I also, and frequently, remind them that his behavior has nothing to do with them. He does not act this way because of them, he acts like this because of him.
So I un-holidayed the house.
I suspect as the kids get older he will have less to do with them-if that's possible. Such a loss, they are really wonderful kids-if I do say so myself. And I do.
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post #126 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 09:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

Check-up with the MD wasn't perfect, but it could have been worse. The scar that's been troubling me has an attitude and the MD suggested steroid injections. I declined. And they found one more spot they want to hack off, although it wasn't the term the MD used. This one's on my arm. They don't "believe" its more cancer but just want to be sure. And of course you can't know until you do the biopsy. So the MD was measuring, and saying things like "with your history" and "its considerably different than the others" Not at all what I wanted to hear, but it could be worse. Soon I shall be a piece of swiss cheese.

My car died on Christmas eve so I'm shopping around for a replacement. I ended up selling it for parts, but the price was fair considering the shape it was in. I might get a Mini.
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post #127 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 10:46 AM
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Re: Two week notice

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Check-up with the MD wasn't perfect, but it could have been worse. The scar that's been troubling me has an attitude and the MD suggested steroid injections. I declined. And they found one more spot they want to hack off, although it wasn't the term the MD used. This one's on my arm. They don't "believe" its more cancer but just want to be sure. And of course you can't know until you do the biopsy. So the MD was measuring, and saying things like "with your history" and "its considerably different than the others" Not at all what I wanted to hear, but it could be worse. Soon I shall be a piece of swiss cheese.

My car died on Christmas eve so I'm shopping around for a replacement. I ended up selling it for parts, but the price was fair considering the shape it was in. I might get a Mini.
Get a Fiat! They're super fun to drive, about the same size as the Mini, and cost less.

They even have a pink one:



I wish I could have gotten that one, it would have been PERFECT.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #128 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 10:47 AM
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Re: Two week notice

And... I also meant to include, better that your MD is being proactive than dismissive, yeah? Glad the visit wasn't worse than that.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #129 of 177 (permalink) Old 01-12-2015, 04:21 PM
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Re: Two week notice

Pluto, I also changed my car to a small one and it really makes a difference, plus savings in gas. When do you hear back about the results? I am glad you are being checked very well, trusting everything will be ok. ((((hugs))))
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post #130 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 12:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

Hi everyone,

Health-wise I'm ok. Scheduled another minor surgery in a couple of months and since the MD said it was not critical, I'm going on the assumption that its a precautionary procedure just to take care of a potentially troublesome spot.

But the issue I am having is my children's lack of a father.
My oldest DD will be graduating high school next month and heading off to college at the end of the summer. She has chosen not to purchase the official invitations for graduation because of the cost, so any inviting is being handled very informally. I asked her if she was going to contact her father, and she replied "What for?" I am trying to let her take the lead in this, but my Norman Rockwell childhood still has me believing (hoping) that a father would want to be at the graduation ceremony beaming with pride over his child's accomplishments.

And maybe he doesn't know the date, despite the fact that its all over the school website if he chose to look it up.

Of course he's had no contact with the kids or me since January, remains in arrears on the support, and has blown off both DD's birthdays. So why do I still want to believe he would be a father? I'm embarrassed to say this is stressing me out.

Maybe my co-dependency is rearing its ugly head, wanting me to take care of everything and thinking I can fix it?

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post #131 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 12:37 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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I'm embarrassed to say this is stressing me out.

Maybe my co-dependency is rearing its ugly head, wanting me to take care of everything and thinking I can fix it?
I believe those feelings are completely natural. That's human. Acting on them could be co-dependent.

Last edited by zillard; 04-22-2015 at 12:43 PM.
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post #132 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 12:46 PM
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Re: Two week notice

Oh Pluto, you are such a sweetie! The fact that you helped me with my brother despite all you are going through is amazing! I hope all goes well with your surgery.

My little brother died on April 18, 2015 after losing the fight to cancer. Please help me be able to bury him. My parents do not have the means to do so.
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post #133 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 01:04 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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I'm embarrassed to say this is stressing me out.

Maybe my co-dependency is rearing its ugly head, wanting me to take care of everything and thinking I can fix it?
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Originally Posted by zillard View Post
I believe those feelings are completely natural. That's human. Acting on them could be co-dependent.
Zillard's on point. It's only co-dependency if you act on it and try to fix everything.

These feelings are going to come up, and they will continue to, especially in stressful situations. It's a patterned behavioral response that you developed over the years you were with him, and that's nothing more than a synapse pattern in your brain.

The more important thing is how you deal with them; if you refuse to act on them, as you're doing now, the feelings will become less prevalent and less frequent, because you're retraining your brain.

You're doing good, Pluto. Keep doing what you're doing.

And good to hear that the doc doesn't think the surgery is emergent. Good sign.

What did you end up doing for the car?

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #134 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Two week notice

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What did you end up doing for the car?
I replaced my dead 2004 Jeep that had 225,000 miles with a 2004 Honda civic with 115,000. I don't really like it, but it runs and its paid for and I guess that's all that matters for now.
Thanks
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post #135 of 177 (permalink) Old 04-22-2015, 01:48 PM
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Re: Two week notice

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I replaced my dead 2004 Jeep that had 225,000 miles with a 2004 Honda civic with 115,000. I don't really like it, but it runs and its paid for and I guess that's all that matters for now.
Thanks
Yes, that's the most important thing! It runs, and Hondas tend to hold up well... I love my Fiat, but I'm beginning to wish that I had bought a short-term almost-a-clunker instead.

My friend just bought a CRV, and she signed up to be driver for Uber and Lyft, and she's planning on using the extra cash to off-set her car payments. I'm kind of wishing that I had thought of that, but I can't do that with a 2-door car. If I had waited another year, I could have bought a used 500L instead and signed up to be a driver, too!

Your Honda's good for now... and nothing is permanent

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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