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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 11-10-2010, 12:26 PM   #61 (permalink)
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unfortunately,that is all you can do. As a parent you never want your child to be sick in the first place. His well being is and should be the utmost priority for either one of you, married or divorced. But if she starts dumping the child to you so she can go and do other things, other than work then I would have a problem.

I hope your son feels better soon.
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Old 11-10-2010, 01:16 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Thanks notready.

No, I won't let her "dump" him so to speak so she can do other things. That is a job for a husband (as long as it isn't for adultery) and i'm no that.
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Old 11-12-2010, 09:35 AM   #63 (permalink)
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Took yesterday afternoon off to spend with my son. We went to a friends house and went fishing in a creek/small river. Kids had a great time. Everyone caught at least one fish. It was a beautiful sunny day, my son enjoyed being outside after being cooped up for a couple days. It was warm enough so I wasn't worried about him being cold and cool enough so he wouldn't sweat. Something about baiting hooks and unhooking fish with your son.

Only thing missing was my camera -- it was kind of a last minute thing. After fishing did some homework and he got to play more with his friends.

All in all it was a great afternoon/evening. No matter what the ex did -- hopefully she did go to work --- I got a great memory with my son and he with me.
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Old 11-19-2010, 08:57 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Yesterday I had to go to a mandatory court ordered parenting class. A requirment in all divorce proceedings here in NC. All though I didn't want to go, it was a good experience. It reminded me that I'm not the only one going through this, and compared to most in there I was in a lot different situation.

My biggest fear was my ex being in the same class. It isn't supposed to happen and it didn't for me, but there was a husband and wife that are divorcing or are divorced in the class. Not surprisingly neither one said much throughout the class. I was sitting between them. Talk about tension.

I did learn things that I need to improve on. At times it was difficult. For I feel guilty towards my son (guilt of I guess not being able to keep our family together, guilt for a lost future as a family) and feeling cheated. Cheated from being with my son 24/7.

My biggest concern for my son is his emotional well being. I monitor his behavior at school through e-mails to his teacher. Since all this has occurred he hasn't shown any bad behaviors. I just can't get him to talk about what he is feeling. I know he must be going through the stages of grief too, but I can't feel where he is at in the process.

Interesting to note comments about dating, or introducing a new significant other. My ex has blown that portion completely. In her mind she probably had some rationalization.

But as I said I have areas to improve on -- so it was worth my time.
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Old 11-19-2010, 09:49 AM   #65 (permalink)
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Did you not have to take that class before your divorce became official?
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Old 11-19-2010, 10:45 AM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: My New Life as a Single Father

No, here in NC the divorce decree itself is not tied to ED and Custody and we haven't settled on those yet.
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Old 11-19-2010, 10:55 AM   #67 (permalink)
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oh ok in CT that class was mandatory before the divorce would become final. We did not take it together but I am pretty sure he and the OW took it together.
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Old 11-22-2010, 10:39 AM   #68 (permalink)
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A pretty good weekend. Had my son Friday night. We rented the Last Airbender movie and a Wii game -- Sonic Colors. He and I just "hung" out together. I really focused on just being with him. We played the game together -- he loves it when I play with him.

It was a beautiful day outside. We did get out and throw some frisbee and he rode his bike some. I would have done more outside but he still has a little cough left-over from earlier in the week.

It was realy just me and him time together without distractions. Turkey day won't be the same without him this year. He will be with his mother in WV visiting his family there. I'll miss him.

Yesterday was another gorgeous day here about 70 degrees. We had a great pick up game of 11 v 11 soccer. Played for over two hours. Then just hung out a while after.

Tuesday night I've got a soccer playoff game. Then Thursday I'll be playing football in Turkey Bowl 4. Yes we get together -- people that play pick up soccer on Sundays -- and play flag football. Hopefully it will be muddy -- last year was perfect. It rained the day before but was beautiful and sunny while we played. Last year my son even played in the game -- he had fun.

I've been thinking of creating new traditions for just the two of us. I haven't come up with anything yet, suggestions are welcome. We as a family always picked out our X-mas tree over this weekend, things like that. It is harder with just the two of us. I'm not great at that type of thing. I know I will just miss him horribly ............
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Old 11-22-2010, 11:03 AM   #69 (permalink)
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Well you seem to be into sports, why don't you creat some sort of game tradition at Christmas since you are blessed with a nice weather all year round. Soccer, football, anything him and you like. Maybe hiking to a special spot near your city or riding bikes etc
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Old 11-22-2010, 02:02 PM   #70 (permalink)
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It was realy just me and him time together without distractions. Turkey day won't be the same without him this year. He will be with his mother in WV visiting his family there. I'll miss him.
The first holidays after my divorce, my exH took the kids and (I could not make this up) took them to Disneyland! I swear to God! It's funny now, but at the time I was devastated because I already lost my family and home, now he wanted to take away the kids for the holidays too! After being all upset for a bit, I decided it would be a great opportunity for the kids (their one and only chance to go) so I spent my first Christmas Eve and Day after divorce alone...and my family was in another state thousands of miles away.

Soooooooo...I decided on that one day I would do what *I* wanted to do. I slept in, I told a long, hot bubble bath, I wore pajamas all day, I ate all dessert all day, and I went to church Christmas Eve. I played Christmas carols as loud as I wanted to, and I sang with them. That one was a toughish holiday but by the end of it, I had a very relaxing time and it was a little refreshing to have some "me time."

After that first one, my exH and I pretty much split holidays evenly. He had T-giving early afternoon--I went to volunteer for a noon meal at the church and then held a t-giving potluck feast for everyone who wanted to come. We lived 3 miles apart so we just drove to meet mid-turkey day.

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I've been thinking of creating new traditions for just the two of us. I haven't come up with anything yet, suggestions are welcome. We as a family always picked out our X-mas tree over this weekend, things like that. It is harder with just the two of us. I'm not great at that type of thing. I know I will just miss him horribly ............
For Christmas, one of us had the kids Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day. Both of my kids were youngish (9 and 11 I think) and so we did entirely separate "celebrations" and at my house we almost always picked a theme for movies and ordered pizza because once I asked the kids "What do you wish we did" and they wanted pizza! LOL Anyway, we would open presents, then stay in our jammies and watch movies all day--we did "Tom Hanks Day" and "Tom Cruise" and "James Bond"...the kids got to pick who would be the actor/actress or what the theme was, and then I picked out the best four or so films. For our tree, we bought first weekend of December, and every year we gave each other ornaments that either said the year or was a theme (like "all candy canes" or "all red balls") or that we made.

Some traditions we've done: Go to a public singing of Handel's Messiah. Go to the John Doan Christmas special or The Bells at the cool theater downtown. Go iceskating in Keystone the day after Christmas. Get fancy hot chocolate. Drive by the Fancy Light display houses. Visit the nursing home (even if you just pass out a candy cane). Adopt a family for charity and plan a great "secret" holiday for them. Bake cookies together. Go caroling or do a "family newsletter" together. Do an Advent Calendar (you can find those at most European shops). St. Nicholas Eve is December 5th--find out about it and celebrate. Santa Lucia Day is December 13th, the longest night of the year--on her day, a daughter rises before dawn and fixes a breakfast of special pastries and coffee for her family. She appears in their bedrooms, dressed in a white dress belted with a red sash, and wearing a wreath of greens and four (or seven or nine) lighted candles. Soooo...adapt it so that your son brings you "coffee and donuts" in bed and then you two men eat breakfast in your bed together (yeah it's crummy but so what--it's for the fun of a tradition and you can wash the sheets). Have Christmas Around the Globe, and pick a country (like this year Italy) and have Italian traditional foods, music, or Christmas greetings.

OH! We did this one year and it was a HOOT! Take 3-4 "traditional" Christmas carols and come up with new, silly words! "The calling cards said 'Gentlemen' but much to our dismay, a gang of uncouth hooligans was at our door that day, to try to sing a Christmas song and drink cider away...Oh where is the Southern Comfort, Roy? Go away boy! I need some Southern Comfort for joy!"
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Old 11-25-2010, 11:10 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Happy Thanksgiving to all!!! Be thankful for the friends and family we do have, especially the friends we've met through TAM. Although I do have sadness in my heart today, I am thankful for what I do have -- good friends, supportive famiily, food on the table, a roof over my head. Before all this happened to me I was a different person. I was lost. Now I am on a path -- not sure where it will go, but I'm on it. Have a great Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-25-2010, 07:15 PM   #72 (permalink)
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Happy Thanksgiving to all!!! Be thankful for the friends and family we do have, especially the friends we've met through TAM. Although I do have sadness in my heart today, I am thankful for what I do have -- good friends, supportive famiily, food on the table, a roof over my head. Before all this happened to me I was a different person. I was lost. Now I am on a path -- not sure where it will go, but I'm on it. Have a great Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving to you too FA! I also have sadness in my heart, I feel so lonely even though I am around family. My first TG w/o her. I am happy to meet you all, sometimes I believe in a future some other times I don't sometimes I am happy sometimes I am lost. Anyway, the best to you all and don't eat too much turkey
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Old 11-27-2010, 08:33 PM   #73 (permalink)
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Holidays are bittersweet! You have the right idea by creating new traditions! I started to cry, when somone mentioned "thanksgiving" a few weeks ago. They asked "what's the matter." I told them that "I feel that I don't have a place." Meaning a place to belong. POOR ME MOMENT! I shook it off.

The next day, I figured that I cook turkey and invited my mom; kids; and friends. If they could come great. If not, lots of turkey for me! The cooking kept me busy and my kids and mom showed up.

This year, on Christmas Eve, my typical family day that we celebrate....I am feeding the homeless with my daughter and friend. This will distract me and have me thankful for every pitiful moment that I have!!!
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Old 11-29-2010, 12:28 PM   #74 (permalink)
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Thanks CW. I hope you enjoyed your T-day. The weather here was overcast for Thanksgiving and a little rainy. Had a pretty good football game -- the rain stayed away during that time. It was just nice to be with friends. Then dinner with my parents.

It was overcast a lot the last few days and that is how I felt I guess. A little sad without my son. He was dropped off Saturday night. He and I just sat together - he on my lap - and watched a movie for a little bit. He was exhausted -- he and I went to bed just after nine and he slept until a little after 8 am. We played a little, had breakfast and then instead of church we helped a couple of our friends pack up a moving van. My lil guy even helped carry boxes.

After loading them up he and I went to play soccer. He played with us this week and he and I had fun. He also played with the kids. Then went over to another friends for dinner before dropping him off at his mother's house.

It was a quick visit. But I get him all weekend this weekend and his cousins will be in town this weekend as well. We'll have a good time I'm sure.

I just wish my sadness would go away. My guilt for him. I'm working on it -- I know it just takes time. Like you said CW, poor me moments I guess.

Oh well.
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Old 12-03-2010, 11:12 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Looking forward to this weekend. Get my lil guy for both nights and his cousins are coming tonight to visit for the weekend. Probably take them all to Home Depot's first Saturday of the month kid's workshop tomorrow, then to a puppet show at the local library, then who knows what tomorrow night.

Tonight probably take them to a town close by known during this time of year as Christmas town USA. It is an old textile mill town where the mill is the electric utility -- so everyone gets free electricity and therefore puts incredible amounts of lights on their homes. Also the mill puts out about a half million lights on the trees int he town and in the pond there are colored water fountains, etc. Really is a beautiful sight. You just drive through or park and walk around in the little historic downtown area. Been taking my son there since his first X-mas season when he was barely two months old.

Just wish the weather was going to be like two weeks ago. Going to be a bit chilly here. Not cold, but chilly.

I'm keeping up on my work outs. Might play the winter season of soccer. I've been asked to be on my old team and another one as well. But dang it is getting cold at night and the games are all 8 pm and later.

Can't wait to pick up my son and see my niece (6) and nephew (3). We'll have a ball I'm sure -- no matter what we end up doing.
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