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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 12-06-2010, 04:43 PM   #76 (permalink)
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It was a great weekend with my son, SIL, niece (6) and nephew (3). They got here a little earlier than expected Friday night. The three of them played and played together. Then up and out to Home Depot -- they made picture frames. Then on to a little arcade, then playing during the afternoon and a drive through Christmas Town USA at night.

Sunday morning they played, then said our goodbyes and my son and I went to play soccer. A little chilly out there but we had on our tobogan hats. But I'm second thinking my outdoor league -- its one thing when it is chilly/cold out and sunny - another thing when it is 8:30 at night and cold. Got to decide today on that -- first game is scheduled for tomorrow night.

So all in all a great weekend with my extended family.
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Old 12-07-2010, 05:42 PM   #77 (permalink)
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Boy am I going to be bundled up tonight for my soccer game. Predicted temp at game time is 22 degrees. Maybe I am an idiot, of course I'll be joined by other idiots.
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Old 12-07-2010, 06:27 PM   #78 (permalink)
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We have a barbecue in Canada at 22F
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Old 12-07-2010, 10:32 PM   #79 (permalink)
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I know that is like summer for you notreadytoquit. I was born and raised in northern US, but I've been down south now long enough for my blood to thin I guess.

Heck I remember downhill skiing when I was a teenager at night in below zero. What the heck was I thinking.

Well we lost tonight -- ref made a bad call and we played down a person the entire game and lost by 1 goal. Oh well had fun. Before the game went to a Futsal Factory and played indoor 5 v 5 with a size 3 ball. Fast and fun. It is an event for Street Soccer USA a soccer program for the homeless here in Charlotte. Helps get on their feet, particpating in organized activities, setting goalas through the Urban Ministry here in Charlotte. Really has turned some people around.

I think I'll participate more in the program.
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Old 12-26-2010, 07:37 AM   #80 (permalink)
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Reading through this, it doesn't seem like a bad life at all.
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Old 12-27-2010, 11:23 AM   #81 (permalink)
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No RandomDude it isn't that bad, just not what I was figuring on a couple years ago. Especially at this time of year I do feel blessed for what I do have -- a great son who loves me, family who love me, and good friends.

I had a great Christmas with my son. Family were in at my parents and we enjoyed our time together. He left with his mom Christmas day late afternoon. They got stuck again this year in the snow storm at almost the same place as last year. He is in WV for the week with the ex w.

RandomDude that is the hard part - I miss him.
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Old 12-27-2010, 01:33 PM   #82 (permalink)
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Yeah, I miss my daughter too at the moment and it's only been 2 days... she's the only reason I ended up financially successful, I never worked 84 hrs a week in my life to secure my own future, but having a kid changed that. No better motivation.

I've dreaded the possibility of divorce, but thanks for sharing your story. It's really inspiring, and is helping me overcome this fear if the worst comes to worst.
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Old 12-30-2010, 02:26 PM   #83 (permalink)
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The end of the year rapidly approaches. What I've been through the last year and a half has at times stretched me to my limits. Yet here I stand.

I still have sad times -- moments that sometimes pass like a quick summer breeze and others that pass like gale force winds. Yet here I stand.

I feel pains of guilt at times - mostly for my son but at times for my issues in my marriage. Yet here I stand.

I feel loss at times of what could have been. Yet here I stand.

I've joined soccer leagues, a new church, worked out for a solid year now 4 - 7 times a week, looked inside myself, improved myself (still room to grow there LOL). I'm moving forward -- here I stand.

Here's to what 2011 will bring cause I know at the end I still will be standing.
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Old 02-08-2011, 06:41 PM   #84 (permalink)
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Been a while since I last posted. I keep moving forward to the future. I met my ex w's fiance or whatever he is. It was a two Fridays ago. My son swims on a winter swim team and it is in full swing. That Friday night was the first team "pasta party" before their first swim meet the next day.

So he was there that evening. I didn't know it until my son was cleaning up after swimming to get ready for dinner and he didn't have all of his stuff. I said where is it, he said (sheepishly) that is was by Chuck. So I went to where that was and Chuck was listening to music and reading a magazine. I grabbed my son's bag and he looked up -- I looked him the eyes, held out my hand and said I'm #$%# and just turned and walked away.

He won't come near me. He didn't even have the balls to come into where we were eating dinner with our kids even though my ex w was there. And he pretty much made himself scarce when I was around during the swim meet the next day.

Some "upgrade". Me, I could give a rats a$% anymore.

It was angering to see him play with my son at times during the meet. But at least my son seems to like him and vice versa. However, if that man ever lays a hand in an inappropriate manner on my son, I will deal with him.

All in all I'm doing well. I still get moments of sadness in my heart. I'm just rebuilding my life now.
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Old 02-08-2011, 07:20 PM   #85 (permalink)
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You handled that very well heck better than I would have. Keep up the good work on yourself. We have a long road ahead.
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Old 02-08-2011, 09:55 PM   #86 (permalink)
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It is what it is NRTQ. I can't change the past, only the present and the future. I almost feel sorry for the guy -- he is doomed to fail with her as well as her first husband and me unless she looks within herself.

Right now she is in her euphoric phase of the new -- but the rubber will start meeting the road. Her issues not mine anymore.
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Old 02-10-2011, 10:30 AM   #87 (permalink)
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Had a gut punch moment last night. Found out my ex w is getting married next weekend.

Although not unexpected since she was engaged, it did hit me and hit me hard. I found out through my son. I just asked him if he was happy about it. He said I'm happy for mom. I said but are you happy? He said he wasn't happy he wouldn't see me next weekend. Avoiding the issue there. I just reminded him that I will get him an extra day on a weekend in the future. And I was honest with him that I wasn't happy about it, but that it was his mother's decision.

I admit it was difficult while with him not to show emotion. But I held it together and we enjoyed a nice evening. Later it hit me hard. I guess in my heart I still held out some hope for something.

I was at least hoping that she would realize that she believes in her mind that she is an independent person and should be, but that in reality she is dependent which creates an inner turmoil. One that eventually destroys her relationships. I wish she would actually try to become the independant person she thinks she is, instead of blaming others for her own dependent nature. I was hoping she would do these things for our son.

But the cycle begins anew with her. A relatively quick dating period, move in and then get married. The timing is eerily similar to our own.

All I know is that history tends to repeat itself without reflection on the past and then change. I don't believe she has done any of this.
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Old 02-10-2011, 08:07 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Stay stong FA, I can only imagine how you have felt when you found out this info. Somebody in the future will be blessed to have you as a husband and as for you ex all you can do now is watch her go another cycle. But this time around consider yourself lucky that you won't be there when her world crushes again. Your son is very lucky to have you as a father.
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Old 02-10-2011, 11:55 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Damn, this thread has gone full circle, hasn't it? Better her than you though. I think she's making a big mistake. But you are doing what's best for your child and yourself and in the end that's what counts.
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Old 02-11-2011, 08:34 AM   #90 (permalink)
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Freak,

As I said for someone who "can't be dependent on a man" or believes she is this truly independent person, she really can't be alone. Consider she cheated with one guy, then another, and when that ended, she almost immediately met this guy Chuck. Hardly any gaps in time.

I hate to admit it but that is what happened with us -- although I didn't know it at the time.

So I agree with you that she is most likely making a big mistake. Jumping right back in. But who knows maybe it will work out. My only concern is on what my son feels, what her actions have done and will do to him.

As I said me, I'm just rebuilding my life. I'm in no rush to jump into another relationship. If it happens, I will deal with it, but unlike her I can be happy without that. Especially now, cause I have my son.

I've been through a lot the last two years, and I'm still standing.
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