Custody agreement

ebp123 · 10-12-2010, 11:27 AM

I'm strongly considering a divorce. My husband doesn't want to be divorced, but if we must, he says the only way he will agree to it is for the kids to remain in our current home. Every week, one of us leaves to go to an apartment. The next week, we switch places and the other one goes to the apartment.

He insists we must do this to give the kids a stable family life. I think it's a sure way to give none of us a normal life. Crazy, right? Have you ever heard of anyone doing this?

dumbguy · 10-12-2010, 01:41 PM

no I don't think it is crazy
I absolutely agree with your soon to be ex
My wife and I are going through a divorce and we both agree on one thing a stable life for the kids which starts with one home one set of friends one set of clothes ect.. for them its not a musical house situation where they pack bags to go to moms or dads house
if I had the money I would do the same thing
currently in my situation, I am unemployed and living back with my parents and their house is to cluttered and small to add 4 children so the kids will stay at my ex-wife's apartment and I will come over when she is working ect.. this probably wont change when i get a job.
I have heard of rich people actually doing this with a nanny or house keeper as the everyday adult with mom and dad coming and going as per their arrangements
I strongly encourage you to do this i see only benefits from this if you and your ex can come to agreements
if you do not want to be tied financially to the house talk to him about it and work our an arrangement
I think he has his heart set in the right place thinking about the kids at this point.
I obviously do not know what is going on between you two to cause the divorce but from what you said here i have to agree with your ex-husband

sisters359 · 10-12-2010, 05:43 PM

My ex and I have been doing this for a year. He started taking the kids to a girlfriend's house in late winter/spring for his nights, and it was hard on the kids. Things are so much smoother when the kids have one place. We are back to "nesting" (as it is called) and I believe it is really good for the kids. Also, it seems easier to get myself back and forth than two kids, but that is just a secondary observation. It's good for them-that's the reason to do it. Also, make sure both of you understand that you need to keep your personal life for the week you are away from home--he can't expect you to babysit during his week or vice-versa. We split the week, alternating on W so we have 3 days one week, 4 the next. Our apt. was close so that the "non-custodial parent of the week" could attend school and sports events. It was harder at first b/c my ex was rather unpleasant but has gotten much better.

greeneyeddolphin · 10-12-2010, 07:54 PM

While it's not a typical arrangement, I can see your husband's point and I do think it would provide more stability for the kids. I think if you two can make it work, it does sound like the best thing for the kids, and they should definitely be a priority.

stbxhmaybe · 10-13-2010, 03:03 PM

makes sense

misspuppy · 10-13-2010, 03:22 PM

my mom and dad did that when they first got separated, it did work for us, we were able to go the same school from Jr to High school , keep our friends and have a "normal" life".. of course as soon as the house was lost, my dad and sister moved into an apartment, i was married to my first H by then so we just moved into our own apartment..

but i did work and it was not crazy.. My cousin did the same thing with her first marriage too. It is easier in the sense that the Parents are the ones packing up and moving back and forth, we re grown adults and can handle it much better. Where the kids have a tough time doing so.

Deejo · 10-13-2010, 06:12 PM

To my knowledge the practice is referred to as 'bird nesting', after the fashion that baby birds stay in the nest and the parents take turns seeing to their needs.

His idea is no crazier than the notion of getting divorced in the first place.

quercus.robur · 10-15-2010, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sisters359

Our apt. was close so that the

did you each rent an appartment or shared one?

sisters359 · 10-20-2010, 06:05 PM

We rented one apartment and each is in it a different part of the week.

i-like-tea · 10-22-2010, 06:14 AM

It is not crazy. It gives you chance to think before you ask for divorce.
I do not agree with a divorce as a solution just in some cases.

jamesa · 10-26-2010, 05:13 AM

I agree with your husband. The kids ARE going to be hurt by this, but at least this way the physical disruption is minimised.

Scannerguard · 10-30-2010, 07:19 PM

Yes, this is called "Birdnesting" and there is a trend in this regard but it requires 2 consenting parties.

My ex-wife would not consent.