05-30-2011, 06:59 PM
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
| | Re: My new life as a Single Mother
Who can say what's in the mind of your ex? Clearly the way that he thinks and the way that I think are 100% polar opposites! Then again, that's just me.
I can tell you one thing that really helped me when my exH and I divorced. From that point forward, I really, honestly let him go and envisioned him like a stockboy at the grocery store. What I mean is that I have no emotional connection to the stockboy, I don't have expectations of him, he's just a human being who happens to work at the store. Period. I don't care if the stockboy is honest with me or if his family sends me cards or wants to see my kids...nothing. I literally acted a little as if he had died and if he wanted to be involved, he would contact me or the kids. Now my kids were in elementary school, but still he could have made an arrangement to call them regularly at a certain time of day, or picked them up from their school or gone to their games...but instead he chose not to. In my mind, that is not a good father, but I wasn't married to him anymore so I had no say! So I acted as if I expected him to not be there, and as if he were dead and all I had to depend on was me.
Notready--many times in your message it sounds to me as if you are holding on to your exH and his relatives as if you have expectations of them. They are not part of your life anymore. Please take some time to figure out how to let them go, and then release them. If they make a mess now--it is their own issue and you are not involved anymore. You're free.