How do you handle the holidays in regard to ex spouse, ex inlaws in a post divorce situation?
My ex and I are pretty civil, as are the outlaws and I. We were blood family for years, and after the divorce they didn't utterly give a rip about me and the kids, but we all met and agreed that we didn't hate each other and would be friends by choice but just not relatives. However, during the holidays we do have completely separate "celebrations."
Do I buy a gift for ex spouse? Do I sign the card from son only or include myself as well?
I do not buy a gift for my ex. He chose to leave, and I see no reason to give him a gift for that. If you send your ex a Christmas card, I would only sign it from your son, and honestly I would suggest not sending him a card! Send cards to someone who has been loving to you this year. Now, as your son grows up this is his father, so teach him to think of others and get him a gift or card--and even as young as next year maybe let your son "pick out" something for daddy. That is from HIM, not you.
Do I buy a gift or just send a card to ex MIL? Do I sign it just from son or son and I?
See above for the card. I would not get the MIL a gift or a card, and this is not being vindictive or anything--she chose to leave you. Now, as your son grows up this is his grandmother so teach him to think of others and get her a gift or card. But coming from you would be inappropriate.
Do I send gift and card to ex BIL family? Do I address only their kids?
Again I would not send them a gift or a card. Even as your son grows up, getting gifts for uncle, aunt and cousins is a little far-reaching, so even as he get older/teen age he probably won't get them anything. Thus for BIL family I'd say they are on their own! LOL
Now most will say probably move on and forget them. Or should I be the bigger person and continue to treat them as family(sort of) and send at least a card?
Notready, it is not "being a lessor person" to not send a card or gift from you. This is REALITY. Once the divorce was final, they volunteered to not be part of your life or family anymore. Your son is part of their family, and thus it would be reasonable to teach him how to remember family with a gift or card, but he's like 1yo! So I suggest this so both you and they can start to accept that divorce = loss.
Now if they had come to you after the divorce and said, "Let's be friends by choice" that's different. Then you could send a card or gift to them as FRIENDS not as relatives. Make sense?