Has anyone here decided to stay single after their divorce and is now happy? I'm going through a divorce and i already have people talking about how I will be dating again, but at this point, even with all the lonliness, I'm not sure I ever want to have a relationship or marriage again. My brother is 35 and as heterosexual as they come, but has never been married and is happy as a lark. The odd part to me is that he is 6 feet of muscle, has a great personality, and is a very handsome guy. He dates occasionally, but his mind works in a very logical manner, everything has to make sense to him, and he just isn't into all the work and sometimes illogical things that go into making a relationship work. I guess I mention him just as an example of a happy, normal, single person.
My marriage started out great and seemed wonderful to me until my wife asked for a divorce after 18 years because she is not happy. I was happy, so i don't see how I could ever top that relationship. I loved my wife, I had no money problems, no in-law problems, etc.
I know that the natural desire for companionship is what causes people to want to marry again even if they have had a bad marriage. I know that we sometimes let parts of our bodies besides our brain do the thinking. the one thing in my favor is that I can be more of a loner than some people. I'm just wondering if i wouldn't be better off in the long run to put those desires aside and remain single and be able to do what I want to do the rest of my life. Has anyone else here decided to remain single and been happy with it.
Got to take it day by day....you don't know what the future has in store for you or what life will present to you. Just embrace what the future will show you and live in the present moment right now.
Got to take it day by day....you don't know what the future has in store for you or what life will present to you. Just embrace what the future will show you and live in the present moment right now.
Thank you very much for your response; you make good points. I suppose I'm just trying to weigh everything in my mind. I am not a person who is down on myself, I am happy with myself; however, I realize that I am not the most exciting person on the planet, which I think is partially what led my wife to file for our divorce. I was very happy in my first marriage; I feel like i had it all and that it fit me perfectly. I'm afraid I won't ever find that perfect fit again and that I will "settle" as some people do. Maintaining a relationship just seems a lot more complicated than I ever thought it was, and I'm just wondering if remaining single would be the way to go.
I hear what you're saying....my husband and I have separated...also never really appreciated how much real work a marriage needs. I met him aged 17, we have been together since, I just thought marriages would work if both people were fundamentally nice/good people...my mum and dad didn't ever seem to have any marriage probs, so I just assumed that was the norm....I was totally wrong.
as for being happy and single, i'm along way off still from being ok on my own, by I think once you are ok on your own, maybe that is when you naturally open up to a new relationship...
i'm also a person that can be happy in my own company, but in my heart I know life without a man to love me and look after me and a family around me a would be lonely, i am scared of that....I think it would be very sad to be single 'forever', but it is one step at a time, just see how you feel...there is no right answer and everyone is different, it's just about being true to yourself.....and if you want to love again someday in a committed relationship, I am sure that you will
all the work and sometimes illogical things that go into making a relationship work.
Anyone who has been married for 18 years is a brother of mine, and the above statement confirms it
I don't expect you will ever top the relationship either but it's a bit like comparing apples and oranges.
Everything will feel fresh and new and like nothing you've experienced before when you are in a new relationship. You may be rusty on dating but you can rest confident knowing that you have the common relationship knowledge down pat.
It sounds like you had a peach, don't go out looking for a smaller less adequate peach, go get yourself a truly spectacular plum
Ps. Nothing says you have to decide right now if want to be single.
I hear what you're saying....my husband and I have separated...also never really appreciated how much real work a marriage needs. I met him aged 17, we have been together since, I just thought marriages would work if both people were fundamentally nice/good people...my mum and dad didn't ever seem to have any marriage probs, so I just assumed that was the norm....I was totally wrong.
a
That sounds exactly like me. In looking back, I have made a lot of textbook mistakes, but when she and I first met, the way she acted with me seemed to take all the work out of it. When I would date other girls, it did seem like a little work. I would find myself wondering what i could do to keep them interested. When my future wife came along, however, she seemed so crazy about me that I thought whatever i was was apparently perfect for her, so all I had to do was exist and not make any huge blunders like cheating or abuse and we would have a good marriage. That seemed to work for many years, but apparently i should have started "working" somewhere along the way and I was too dumb to see that. My parents and grandparents didn't seem to have any problems either, so I figured that was the norm. I don't think my grandparents ever worried about being sexy and exciting either. I never once heard my parents or grandparents say that marriage took a lot of work. If I gained anything from them, it was that if you married the right person, it worked. I hate that I was too dumb to see that a marriage takes a lot of effort.
I do think it's important to embrace a "single life" for at least awhile and do some natural reflecting but there is no reason to think of it as a lifelong mission.
Im loving being single I can't see myself ever wanting to go through the rubbish I have at any point in my future
I can see who I want come home when I want and I feel a great emotional release I'm loving my new life so much !
One day at a time do what feels good Posted via Mobile Device
Divorced almost 1 year, separated 18 months. I am *so* glad to be single despite the hardships (logistics of sharing home where our kids live with my ex, getting finances in order, etc). I do not mind being the only one responsible for my decisions, even if they do not turn out well--that's life, I'm living and learning, and so far I haven't made any major mistakes (Thank God for His Guidance!)
The hardest thing for me is guilt, b/c my ex isn't doing well and I still see him quite a bit b/c of the kids. The kids are doing very well, however, and that helps me a lot.
There is no need to rush into anything and, as someone already said, just relax and let things happen. You cannot know where your life will go, although you certain have control over your decisions. Taking each day as it comes, and as a gift, will let you enjoy the present without worrying about the future or trying to make a decision about what you might do in the future. Good luck!
As Shelly said you have to live day by day. You can't decide today for the rest of your life as you don't know whats going to happen tomorrow. I was angry after my divorce and thought i will never have any relationship again but whop i am happy again to live with someone who cares and loves me. So, never say never again
I think it depends a great deal on what kind of person you are at the core. There's many different reasons why but many people just can't stand being alone relationship wise, and others are happy and content steering their own boat.
I'm a lot like your brother and if I sit down an analyze why I need a woman in my life the only reason is companionship, and maybe picking out paint because my color schemes never work! Seriously, I'm very capable and love my independence but I'll never say I will stay single forever, if the right gal comes along and we make each other happy I wouldn't hesitate to give marriage another shot.
And FYI, I've been single for two years and have dated plenty of women but none that I would call a "girlfriend". I have plenty of friends so I am active socially as well. If I had spent the last two years sitting on the couch I don't think I would be very happy. Being alone is different than being single.
I think it depends a great deal on what kind of person you are at the core. There's many different reasons why but many people just can't stand being alone relationship wise, and others are happy and content steering their own boat.
I'm a lot like your brother and if I sit down an analyze why I need a woman in my life the only reason is companionship, and maybe picking out paint because my color schemes never work! Seriously, I'm very capable and love my independence but I'll never say I will stay single forever, if the right gal comes along and we make each other happy I wouldn't hesitate to give marriage another shot.
And FYI, I've been single for two years and have dated plenty of women but none that I would call a "girlfriend". I have plenty of friends so I am active socially as well. If I had spent the last two years sitting on the couch I don't think I would be very happy. Being alone is different than being single.
I have certainly enjoyed my wife's companionship over the years, but I guess i can be more of a loner than some people. I don't have to be around people all the time to be happy. When I was single and dating, I never had to be dating someone constantly.
Being alone is also very different than being lonely! I *prefer* to be alone a lot of my time right now. I think that a lot of it is just not having so many demands on me--I was a single parent, working full time, while married, and was expected to meet all of his needs and demands, too. Having a couple of evenings a week to myself, getting re-acquainted with myself, has been a God-send!
For a good part of my marriage I felt very lonely and I eventually built a life without my husband even while being married. In time, I came to like having my independence and being on my own and it was a tough adjustment to give that up during the short time after my husband and I "reconciled" and decided to build a life together. Than I got used to that and now I'm back to Square 1 now that we are separated.
I have often wondered if I am ever cut out to be successfully married. Living with another person doesn't seem to work for me. When I was 22, my first serious relationship ended badly six weeks before I was to be married. 23 years ago I was a different person. I hated being alone and wanted to be in another relationship badly. I rushed into my relationship with my husband and have suffered the repercussions of that for years as a result.
Over the years I often regretted my decision to marry. Having young children didn't agree with me (though having teenagers does) and I think that at heart I'm a rather selfish and stubborn person. This doesn't bode well for a good marriage. I tried to change but it seems it was too little too late. I often found myself envying my single friends and wondered what my life would've been if I'd stayed in the one bedroom apartment I had for a brief period of time before moving in with my husband all those years ago.
Throughout the bad periods of my marriage I often dreamed of going off on my own and getting my own place. I came close a few times. I'd think about how nice it would be to be able to come and go as I please. To do what I wanted and to live without the constant criticism and stress of my marriage and raising a family.
Now circumstances have put me in a position where my husband and I are separated and I now have my own place, albeit with my two kids. I now have a nice place that I can keep neat and tidy and have it the way I want it. I like that aspect a lot.
I find myself REALLY liking my new life as a single person, especially during the week, when I come home from work tired and just want to sit and veg on the computer and not do what someone else wants me to do. My kids are old enough now to fend for themselves and I find them to be good company. We get along great and have fun together and they are as grateful as I am that the strife and stress that we all suffered through when my husband was still living with us has now dissipated.
I've often thought that the perfect relationship with my husband would be to each have a separate place and "date" on the weekends..now I'm convinced that this would optimum. The best times I've had with my husband was when we did fun things together on the weekends and vacations. It makes sense to me to preserve that part of our relationship..to literally have our cake and eat it too.
If it doesn't work out in the end for my husband and I one thing I do know is that I will NEVER, EVER remarry and never live with someone else. I can see getting involved with another person but living with them? No friggin' way!
Why don't you just leave me alone?
my heart's gonna break from the fall
holding on to petty things, feeling all the hate it brings
why don't you just leave me alone?-Korn
Freak on a leash, isn't it great to get to a point of reality in your life where you can be honest about who you are and what you want and need? So many feel that if you're not in a relationship something is wrong with you, even my own daughter keeps on me about finding someone.
I keep telling my friends the best thing about being single isn't that I can do what I want when I want, it's that I "don't" have to do anything I don't want to do!
8Likes
Anyone decided to stay single and liked it? 
