Thoughts About Dating After Divorce As A Former BS - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 05-08-2015, 10:32 PM
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Re: Thoughts About Dating After Divorce As A Former BS

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Originally Posted by Nomorebeans View Post
Chuck, do you think your WW actually changed, or just more openly showed herself for what she really is?

In my view, people don't change. They just get older.
I don't know if she ever cheated or not....but it never mattered. Walking out was enough for me.

12/11/12 was my dark day... I climbed from the rabbit hole and funny, she began coming home

every night from work next day. But all I wanted to hear was, "what about us" and all she gave was other things.

I detailed much about the upcoming D in my Crossroads: Sink or Swim thread, it is still there.

Her coming around is in my current thread..... Crossroads II: The Way.

Not much drama but bare boned emotion


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 11:36 AM
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Re: Thoughts About Dating After Divorce As A Former BS

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I was talking with an older gentleman who told me his wife cheated on him about twenty years ago. He ended up divorcing and lost a portion of his retirement. He even retired early, since his wife was seeing someone where he worked. I suppose like others, he was terribly humiliated.

He has since found it within himself to date. He talks about having a girlfriend and her "demands". He says she always wants him with her and he half-heartedly complains about it, then talks about what a nice time he had. He told me she sees other men and then seems to want him to show some jealousy. He also said he dates other women.

He asked why I would not want to do the same.

I told him that when I think about what he has to say, I feel like I would be doing the very same thing my ex-wife was doing, that I loathed.
I am late to your enquiry. I am not likely a BS.

But, having an active imagination, empathy, courage of convictions, and having a "dead certain and known" response to such a situation [infidelity], were it to happen to me, I can answer your question.

You and I both have strong values. For us, our values will not vacillate much; with reference to any future interpersonal-situation that would test those values.

We think and feel the same way in private, in outer space, in a land where we know no one, and no one knows us.

We have stubborn, ingrained strength of character.

It is simple as that.

There are many people who are flexible in all aspects of their life.

This often serves them well.....though sometimes they get served with divorce papers. Flexibility is the antithesis of Boundaries.

Kudos for your resolve!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 12:03 PM
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Re: Thoughts About Dating After Divorce As A Former BS

It is a general expectation throughout history that a promise once vocalized is to be kept. When a promise is written down it is called a contract and breaking a contract generally incurs penalties. A marriage is a mutual promise that is both vocal and written. If the promise is not to be taken seriously then the marriage is meaningless.

Dating on the other hand is like test driving a car. If you wrap it around a tree while taking it around the block then you are fully expected to make amends for it. But if you bring it back without a scratch then you are totally within your rights to make a bee-line to the lot across the street and test drive another car.
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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 08-16-2016, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Thoughts About Dating After Divorce As A Former BS

Don't know if I ever thanked everyone for their responses.

Even if it's late, thank you all. All thoughts are appreciated. They make me see things that I might not otherwise. Perspective is very freeing.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson

"And this, too, shall pass away."
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