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Would you get married again?

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Would you get married again?

11K views 97 replies 60 participants last post by  Dude007 
#1 · (Edited)
For me the answer is "No way".

Perhaps because I've been married twice and my age, 57, that I don't see any benefit to getting hitched for a third time or more.
 
#8 ·
I'm a reformed hopeless romantic here, so I'm not saying it could never happen. With the right woman (is there a test for morals and loyalty?) there is a chance. But probably slight.
 
#10 ·
Nope. I said those vows once. Maybe one day someone will enter my life and I'll want them to stay a more permanent basis. But that basis will not include vows of marriage.
 
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#11 ·
I said yes, but with a pre-nupt. I honestly had never thought of that until I read this poll, but wow, yes, I think I'd want one. I stand to inherit a lot when my mom dies, and the thought that someone I haven't even met yet could be entitled to half of that? Yikes.
 
#13 ·
For an older, modestly educated man, I find that I am mostly in the "I don't know" encampment, perhaps with a slight lean toward "an unequivocal 'No!'"

Having been "blessed" with two marriages in this lifetime, and alternatively "cursed" with their rather deceptive breakups and divorces, I know that I often find myself of being victimized, greatly to the point that if I eventually came to ever again fall in love with and subsequently marry the most loving and faithful, God fearing, loyal woman in the world, that my physical presence as well as my actions toward her would eventually steer her to committing infidelity all on her own, no matter how faithful and loving that we both are.

All too often, I feel much like the proverbial little toddler who, while walking around and discovering the pleasures and pains of life, always seems to stick his hand into the burning fire of the heater, greatly to the point that you just up and lose your faith in ever finding the true love that you are so longingly searching for!

As for me, I know that I'm going to have to try to lose that fastly tightened armor of insecurity that I've put on, all out of being burned by two traumatic "scorched earth" types of marriages.

And while it may take a discernible period of time for me to ever relearn the facets of trust and commitment with another woman that I should have done, I remain hopeful that there may be one out there that will aptly prove to me that those God-awful shells of marriages that I had been previously involved in were truly the exceptions much rather than the rule!
 
#14 ·
Easy to say "no way" right now, but then who knows what could happen?
Still...I would have to say "no" at this point.
I am mid-fifties, was married twenty years, no kids. Anyone I am likely to meet will probably have grown kids, grandkids, etc and a new wife is probably not going to be made overly welcome. And I am finding out how much I enjoy living alone.
 
#15 ·
I did, because I found an ideal match. We were both very hesitant to marry again, after our first experiences - and were afraid that the stigma of marriage would ruin our relationship. We even agreed to divorce if marriage changed us, and try to recapture what we had. However, we are fortunate that our relationship has not changed, so we've stayed married. Perhaps the very low value we place on marriage - and the very high value we place on each other - helped us avoid the many pitfalls.
 
#16 ·
I did too because like Married but Happy I found a great match and I didn't want to give up simply because ex hb was an arse.

I honestly don't get the I'm never getting married again just because I've been hurt mentality. We've all been hurt, that's life, but why would you make a new partner pay for that? I get that sometimes there are practical reasons so avoid marriage and am not talking about that. I just know that if my hb had taken this attitude we wouldn't be together because I'd feel like I was paying for the sins of his ex.

Fortunately it worked out for us.

Please note that I speak only for myself, I get that this is a sensitive subject.
 
#22 ·
I would get remarried.
I've been burnt and I've learned from it, I think (or hope)..

Financially I think you need to know what the laws allow or don't allow a new spouse or common law wife/husband to take..

I think every adult who has been around this should be smart enough and be adult enough to discuss finances and such with the person they are moving in with or allowing into their homes..

If they can't, won't or don't know how or allow this other person to con them into believing that everything will work out and be okay.. Then shame on them for being a blind fool and/or not be adult enough to have this sort of discussion.

Though I hold no real stock in "marriage" per say. I have no issues with someone whom I love the opportunity to be able to say they are married or my wife..
 
#24 · (Edited)
Wilson is correct! Co-mingling any of those inherited funds into a joint account in essence makes them community funds simply through your implied actions. The only feasible defense to such is to have her sign a valid prenup prior to the marriage, but even as such you still may have problems countering!

A good rule of thumb is to always keep inherited funds as separate as you possibly can. Preferably in your very own account!
 
#26 ·
I mean no disrespect to the marrieds commenting but this question is geared towards people who are divorced in the "Life After Divorce" forum. But since you are here and commenting, I will add my 2 cents as a divorced person.

As far as the assertion that by not choosing to marry again, we are punishing innocent unmarrieds for the sins of our XS, that is so wrong. Sure there are those who blame women or men in general for the state of marriage but those folks tend to be in the minority. It isn't until you find true happiness and freedom that you come to realize that you really don't need to be married to another person.

And finally, the divorce rate is higher for 2nd, and subsequent marriages. Divorce is financially ruinous to many and the older a person is, the worse it is. Add to the fact that western societies are very ageist and the likelihood of most older people to bounce back financially from a divorce, is severely diminished. The risk/reward ratio for many does not make it worth it to get married.
 
#29 ·
Just as I meant no disrespect to those who choose not to marry again. You certainly make valid points to be considered, I was only stating my personal position. Certainly my position might not be compatible with everyone else and that's ok, it was compatible with my husband which is all that matters.

I'll admit that I find it a tad irritating when I see someone with a partner who wants to get married and they don't comment about how a piece of paper is not big deal. Clearly that is not a truthful statement because if it was and it means that much to your partner why not do it?

If one does not wish to be married at least have the decency to be truthful about it and be straight about why. Don't claim it's just a piece of paper because clearly that's not true.

And there are plenty of people that do make new partners pay for the ex, you see that with the "I've been burned" attitude. But clearly there are other considerations not involving this and I respect that.

It would be interesting to me to see whether subsequent marriages are indeed as ruinous financially as the first; intuitively you'd think that first marriages are typically where kids are involved and people are more likely to start out with very little and build assets together, so the damage could be great. I realize that many subsequent marriages also have kids but I would think people are more established by then. If you have a spouse as established as you why would it ruin you financially?

I know for us we were both quite well established coming in so I honestly don't see how a divorce would ruin either of us financially. True we'd have to split assets but there'd be no alimony involved and since we don't have kids together there would be no CS; while we'd both have to go back to one income how would it be different then if we'd stayed single? Except this way I feel better about co-mingling my paycheck. Why should I contribute to the equity of our house without a stake in it? I took some money from my inheritance from my dad and paid off his car.....why would I do something like that without the legal protections of marriage? As it stands everything we do is for the benefit of the household.

I didn't ask for a prenup but would've been ok with one had he asked. Frankly I'd benefit just as much from it.
 
#30 ·
I do not believe I would. Mostly because I never feared being alone. Would companionship be welcomed? Certainly. But would not go any further. For me, just reaching 50 this month I don't see the point in it. Maybe because I have been there and done that kind of thing. I don't worry about it to much.
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#33 ·
I had to answer I don't know. I never figured I would get married the first time as I was already in my 30's when I met my stbx. I had already seen most of my friends get divorced, my brother divorce and my parents divorce after more than 35 years of marriage.

I was convinced it was a bad idea....till I proposed. I can't even blame it in drinking haha. Its a silly notion but I've never a fan of living together. I always figured if your to a point of living together you should make "the commitment".

Course when I got married I didn't have anything, we both made the same amount money and I never guessed my career would have done as well as it had and hers went as poorly as it did.

I'd like to say never but love does make us do silly things now doesn't it?
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#34 ·
Answered yes but in my case.... I still want to have children. Had my XW and I had children,

I would have said IDK or no. I agree with the statement, never condemn the people in your

future for the sins committed by those in your past. You simply learn from the mistakes made

in the previous M and try to correct them for future journeys.
 
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