mr. blue

Greetings,

Background: Married 23 years. She walked out. I didn’t want to divorce. Worst experience of my life.

I ended up with the house. (she got much more) We were in this house for our entire marriage. After being here now alone for almost two years, I still feel like I haven’t made much progress in forgetting about her, or moving on.

I thought time would help, but not a day goes by where I don’t think about her. The house, neighborhood, etc... I’m surrounded by memories 24/7.

I’ve tried some redecorating, but it hasn’t helped much. Finically it makes much better sense to stay, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s really worth it.

Just wondering what others in similar situations have experienced, and if truly moving on while still in the marital home is even possible?

-mr. blue

BigToe

It sounds like you are stuck in the past. I think if you could move on to a new relationship and bring some happiness into the house, the old memories would start to fade.

caughtdreaming

mr. blue,
I am not divorced yet but will be and I know for me it would be awfully hard to move on stuck in the same house. I am finding it a hard time just living back at my parents home right now, with all the memories that I and stbx had here. Im planning to move out after the summer to a new city that stbx and I have barely no memories in. It seems like I am running away to start over but sticking around here with all the familiarities and memories would just make me want to hang on to them that much more. I'm getting transferred to a different university. Hopefully by the end of the summer I have enough strength to pick myself up and move on with this.

I am not saying by any means that it would not be possible though. What bigtoe said is good advice. If you are hanging on to the past, you should try to bring new memories into your home. Make new memories in your house with friends and family. The old memories may start to fade once you make new ones.

the guy

No experience here, but it just makes sense to move, hence the term "moving on".
IDK, but if your having a hard time of it, then fix it, and dumb the house.
Your mental health has to be worth more then any finacial lose.

Shelly29

I'm in the house my ex and I had together....and at first there were lots of days where this house was killing me.... everyday i feel a bit better, but because it has to come from the heart and your head.... you need to make that conscious decision to not let her affect you, onyl you can make that choice. If its just too hard to move on, which it seems like since its been 2 yrs.... i would say put the hosue up on the market, look for something YOU would love and buy it and start fresh and clean.... life is about living in the present, not the past....do what will make you happy, because you are the first person "you" need to take care of.

mr. blue

Thanks for the comments. It’s given me some food for thought.

I think I’ve just been existing... I need to work harder on rebuilding my life and making new memories, weather that’s in this house, or new house.

I guess everyone who remains in the marital home deals with this.

-mr. blue

Shelly29

You only get one life.... live YOUR life, make it what you want it to be, NO REGRETS is how i'm trying to live my life...

for better or for worse

I am still in the house as well, what i have done is try to detach the house from the relationship. The house is YOUR home, and likely had no effect on the outcome of the relationship.

Enjoy the house, renovate something, paint, start a new life in it.