Advice needed.... kinda like someone - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-17-2011, 12:24 PM Thread Starter
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Advice needed.... kinda like someone

ok.... so i have been slowly moving on, happy where i am, how far i have come, who i am now and what i want in life. This divorce has been such an eye opener and has truely allowed me to see the good and bad in my marriage and I am ready to move on and have a happy life.

I met a guy through a mutual friend a couple months ago who is going through the same thing I am. Caught his wife cheating on him the same time my ex left me so we have been in the same boat as far as emotionally, dealing with life, figuring out what is next, we understand each other, plus we are both Virgos. Anyways, I am intrigued about him and want to get to know him better...he is still finalizing paperwork and i know it took me a while to move on, So i am not sure if on my part i should just be there for him as a friend and let him figure out what he wants and when he is ready? He texts me, we have met up in group situations before....how do i know how slow or fast or soon or not to persue this? I mean i am not looking seriously, but he catches my eye! I think i have forgotten how to do all this! LOL
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-17-2011, 02:26 PM
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Re: Advice needed.... kinda like someone

Shelly: You sound so smart! That seems very sensitive of you to allow him time to move on just like you did for yourself.

This has the potential of a satisfying friendship and down the road, who knows?

My divorce is in 2 days and we have an inhouse separation until house sells, no money.

And then I will physically move on. I am working on forgiveness.

Anyway, that is a tiny bit of my story but this is about you and how wonderful you sound. So mature and empathetic.

Have you ever read your first post to see the growth?

Just curious. Again, well done.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-17-2011, 03:44 PM
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Re: Advice needed.... kinda like someone

Wait til his divorce is final. Glad to hear you are doing well!
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-17-2011, 05:22 PM
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Re: Advice needed.... kinda like someone

Shelley, I would not do anything until the ink is dry on his divorce. Then reevaluate how you are feeling and see where he is emotionally. Whatever it is don't rush into it.

The karma for screwing over a good girl is the b!tch you end up with
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-17-2011, 05:33 PM
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Re: Advice needed.... kinda like someone

Just enjoy your thoughts for what they are.
See if time and appropriate social distance reveal him to be the person you think he is. I look at all attractions with a fair amount of cynism on my part, right now, because I know I am in a vulnerable time period. I would not date anyone right now I could not easily walk away from, and with that said, the issue becomes then, why date at all? And anyone I would date, I'd lose respect for his judgement at dating someone who is in the process of leaving a relationship. So, just enjoy it and don't get obsessed. If you get obsessed welcome the opportunity to practice control over your own mind and emotions. It's a good exercise. Makes you more likely not to be manipulated in any way.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-17-2011, 11:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Advice needed.... kinda like someone

You have all given me some good supportive advice, thanks! I feel like I kinda knew this was the route i should take but its encouraging and reassuring when others that see or read in this case, the scenario can chime in and I would take what you have all said into account cause I think u are right....I will wait and see how things unravel, i know when I got my divorce final i had my "rebound guy". learned from that one and moved on. LOL I would love to get to know this guy more, see what he is all about and see how it goes, if more happens, then I welcome it, if no, well just like our divorces, sometimes we can't change or make things happen the way we want them. I am learning that life has a path for each of us, and we just gotta go with the flow.
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