What do you hate about your life the most after your divorce?

morningdew · 08-08-2011, 10:47 AM

For me would be how negative society especially in my country still look at me - and any other divorce/single moms. There's a stigma thick as a fog here and it's so annoying. I also hated feeling like I'm the only 'different' person when I went to my son's school's functions - but maybe it's just mental. I don't know...

wild_irish_rose · 09-06-2011, 05:52 PM

I'm not divorced yet but we haven't lived together for quite a while now. What I miss is:
having someone to "do" for - I LIKE taking care of another person, especially cooking
physical intimacy (not just sex)
a male role model for my son
having a real "home" of my own
somebody to do things with on weekends
someone to share the hard times with

One thing I really dislike is the tendency of people to judge you when they find out you are divorced, without bothering to take the time to find out if you were the wayward spouse or the betrayed spouse. It's like people automatically assume you must be a real screw-up or a horrible husband/wife because you are divorced. They never assume that the fault might lie with the spouse they HAVEN'T met. Why is that, I wonder?

Shoeguy · 09-08-2011, 12:29 PM

I hate the lack of conversation but I guess that can be classified as lonliness. I also miss some of the little things like sometimes she would jump into a room instead of walk.

Shooboomafoo · 09-08-2011, 12:58 PM

My "family" as it was, was just about THE last thing I had that I really felt a deep value for, and was comfortable about lasting.
I mean, who wouldnt want one?
--it may be a bit unrealistic or immature to expect so, but I had no indications things were heading downhill before it was already too late.

If other things happened, the family was always a unit, an island in the ocean of uncertainty, it remained certain.

I think since having that subjected to reality, and sinking, that I hate the sense that even those things that I held most sacred and valuable to me were so vulnerable. I hate that sense of not being able to rely on the existence of a home base/safe haven where I was loved and could love, and look forward to a future in it.

Its like finding out you built your castle on quicksand.

Oak · 09-08-2011, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shooboomafoo

My "family" as it was, was just about THE last thing I had that I really felt a deep value for, and was comfortable about lasting.
I mean, who wouldnt want one?
--it may be a bit unrealistic or immature to expect so, but I had no indications things were heading downhill before it was already too late.

If other things happened, the family was always a unit, an island in the ocean of uncertainty, it remained certain.

I think since having that subjected to reality, and sinking, that I hate the sense that even those things that I held most sacred and valuable to me were so vulnerable. I hate that sense of not being able to rely on the existence of a home base/safe haven where I was loved and could love, and look forward to a future in it.

Its like finding out you built your castle on quicksand.

Shoo,

Agreed. I was deliriously happy, but I was not living in reality as it were. I regret the loss of that feeling of safety, but honestly I much prefer to understand that nothing is certain...it makes me appreciate my choices and live in the moment. Now I take solace in myself instead of putting my faith in someone else. Yes I can still give away pieces of my heart, but I know I can always rely on my core self when life turns upside down.

notreadytoquit · 09-08-2011, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shooboomafoo

My "family" as it was, was just about THE last thing I had that I really felt a deep value for, and was comfortable about lasting.
I mean, who wouldnt want one?
--it may be a bit unrealistic or immature to expect so, but I had no indications things were heading downhill before it was already too late.

If other things happened, the family was always a unit, an island in the ocean of uncertainty, it remained certain.

I think since having that subjected to reality, and sinking, that I hate the sense that even those things that I held most sacred and valuable to me were so vulnerable. I hate that sense of not being able to rely on the existence of a home base/safe haven where I was loved and could love, and look forward to a future in it.

Its like finding out you built your castle on quicksand.

It's exactly how I feel now. My family was the most important thing. What makes me angry(other than his affair), that after being together for 9 years, I would expect that if there is a problem he would sit me down and say in plain English: "listen this and this bothers me, we need to work on this or that". We never ever had a conversation like that(I must have rolled back the movie milion times). And my now ex cheating H is in sales so he is not a shy guy.

I was so secure in my relationship and my love for this man, I never asked or questioned why he may be running late from work etc. I never exhibited one jelous or insecure behaviour. I just hope in the future I find someone who is openly able to talk about his feelings(bad or good). After this betrayal it will be difficult to trust anyone but I don't want to come to a position where I have to schedule monthly meetings to check with my H how things are going, what he is feeling.

Shane Jimison · 02-14-2012, 12:47 AM

I don't hate my life as it is gift of God and it won't return back once it is passed.

goincrazy · 02-14-2012, 09:20 AM

Loneliness is the worst part. I'm getting used to being alone now, but I really miss having male companionship and intimacy/sex. Starting over and trying to find ways to spend my time and people to spend it with has not been easy. Depression takes over quite often, and I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude.

nice777guy · 02-14-2012, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goincrazy

Loneliness is the worst part. I'm getting used to being alone now, but I really miss having male companionship and intimacy/sex. Starting over and trying to find ways to spend my time and people to spend it with has not been easy. Depression takes over quite often, and I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude.

Same here - except I miss women - not men! Just to be clear!

Trying to be positive, but also learning to take it easy on myself. If I'm tired and want to sleep at 2pm on a Sunday when I don't have my kids - I take a nap.

I know I'm supposed to be "mourning" - just not sure quite what that means.

Freak On a Leash · 02-14-2012, 07:58 PM

Still thinking about this after a year of separation....

No fighting...

No nagging....

The freedom to do what I want when I want...

I'll get back to you on this...

Bafuna · 01-11-2013, 04:15 PM

My divorce is not final, but I hate
1. the fact that I tried to fight for this marriage and I lost, there is a feeling of failure
2. the stigma, I feel ashamed somehow though the marriage was never really good and I tolerated my husband's serial cheating and abandonment for a long time
3. the fact that my husband is/was not bothered to try and change and make things work for the sake of the kids and I still have to be nice to him and not bad mouth him to the kids
4. the hard work that goes into single parenting, having to be both Mom and Dad.

5. NOT KNOWING WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS!!!!

stillhoping · 01-11-2013, 04:54 PM

I hate nights like this one, sick with a sinus infection and no one here to take care of me. I did it all myself, picked up prescriptions, got chicken soup, but its not the same

Dollystanford · 01-11-2013, 05:03 PM

ummmmm....

nope, can't think of anything

I mean that most sincerely

2ntnuf · 01-11-2013, 05:31 PM

Thanks for this thread. I miss the same most of you do. It is good to know I am not so different.

I laughed at nice777guy. You sure your sure? Just sayin'. lol kidding

The one thing that I see as different is this. I always felt like I never got a chance to try. That for me is worse than trying and failing. There is a hole that cannot be filled.

I miss not being afraid, also. If we are being honest. I never had this kind of anxiety/fear before. It really sucks and I need to get rid of it.

I was able to get jobs almost at will before this. Now it is difficult. Probably because of work knowing what happened and passing info along. I was much more confident and younger. heehee

EnjoliWoman · 01-11-2013, 05:57 PM

Wow a lot of "the stigma of divorce" - I've yet to experience that.