Its over. Divorced dad
Im just sharing....
Well, my divorce is final and will be lodged with the court early next year. Financial settlement is done, and child access agreement is in place. We mediated this all in a short period, with little conflict. I have agreed to let my wife and three children stay in our family home - despite the fact that its where all our equity is tied up. So I leave with no money, and most of my earnings going to maintenance. I feel this was best for my children.
I was married for 19 years together for 23. The divorce is my fault to a large extent. I ran up a gambling debt - and when confessed it was the final straw for my wife. The debt was 3000$.
But the truth is I let go of my relationship about 2 years ago. We have become so different over the years, and my wife placed more and more importance on money and we lived beyond our means because I was too "in love" with her to confront her.
We told our children on Sunday, and I have to be moved out by February. I have 3 daughter of 14, 13 and 8. 14 and 13 said they were not surprised as it was obvious we weren't getting along. 8 year old cried.
I feel relieved and scared. My marriage was tough. I had addiction issues (which i dealt with actively), my wife is a terrible communicator, and intimacy died.
We had so much parenting conflict. My wife spoils our children terribly - doing everything for them - removing all obstacles from their path. I'm more into the "let them journey and make mistakes" type. Im a firm believer we learn from making mistakes.
As a result Im the tough parent. My 14 year ld seemed somewhat delighted I was leaving the home. She already started asking if she needs to come to me on my weekends, even if she doesn't want to. That is worrying, especially as she has been playing up all year - suicide talk, cutting, psychiatrist, shrinks etc.
My wife blames all of my daughter issues on me - saying its genetic. (ive suffered and dealt with depression, and off course my addiction issues) Its quite funny really because my wifes sister was anorexic and her brother is a unrehabilitated drug addict. But its seems blaming me is a good way for her to deal with our daughter.
So my 2016 is going to be very different. Im going to focus on my business, try and find an indepedant space to have a relationship with each of my daughters, and get a handle on where I have ended up at 44.
Out with the old and in with the new.