Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #16 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 09:19 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

I am not a man, but have found that it can be a turnoff when men take you on a lavish date and then pay for it. Sure, initially it's nice, but then it creates really uncomfortable feelings of obligation. Think it's more about how considerate the dates you plan are. In other words, look up free concerts or events in your area. Find out what interests the woman you like and put some thought into planning a date. That is what is going to impress her. Not how much money you lay down.

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post #17 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 12:35 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Originally Posted by Holland View Post
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Originally Posted by EnigmaGirl View Post
When I first got divorced, part of my criteria for my new partner was that he was self-sufficient without any help from me and I wanted to ensure there was never a chance I'd be on the hook financially to take care of anyone else but myself and my own children.

But other than that, I wasn't picky about how much someone had. Any woman that's worried about how much money you have is probably interested in having you support her and you need to avoid women like that like the plague.

My now husband is very well off but I always pay for my half of everything...even now that we're married. I'm not interested in taking financial advantage of anyone...certainly not my husband.
A big generalisation there.

For casual dating I never cared what they earned but for a serious relationship it was/is very important that he be either a big earner and/or have a reasonable amount in assets.

Post divorce and at this stage in life one of the most important considerations for me was compatibility and financial compatibility is no less important than sexual, moral or any other issue.
Post divorce I would suggest people look for others that are in a similar situation, no matter which part of the scale you are on, low income to very high income/wealth then look for potential mates in the same financial category as you.
I agree with Holland here. BIG generalization. I am, by no means, a golddigger. I am well-educated, make a decent living, and am relatively financially stable. (I'm paying off some debt incurred during/after my divorce because adjusting was a challenge, but I'm taking care of that now.) I can take care of myself, and I choose to live my life and plan for the future as if that will always be the case, that I will always be financially independent. And I'm proud of that fact. I put myself college and grad school, which I'm also proud of. (Granted, I got a really big scholarship for college, partially based on need--see below--but the way I see it, I also earned that money, because I couldn't have gotten into that school if I hadn't done well in high school. And it was partially merit-based.)

However--it's important to me that a potential partner be financially stable and make a good living. Not because I want him to support me. Hardly. I'm am looking for someone who won't compromise MY financial stability and MY quality of life. If, financially, I am better off single than partnering with a guy because his financials are a mess, I'm going to stay single. I was married to a guy who was horrible with money, and if I had stayed with him... he would have ruined both of us financially, I'm sure of it. Or, at the very least, we would have spent the rest of our life struggling.

Growing up, I watched my parents struggle financially, on the cusp between lower and middle class. We never had fresh fruit in our house because it cost too much money. We didn't have birthday parties because it cost money. (The only reason I had a 16th birthday party is because I paid for it with money from my summer job.) I was the oldest child and I almost never had new clothes--I wore hand-me-downs from my friend Amy, who was 5 yrs older than me, and those were the hand-me-downs from her 3 older sisters. There was never money for anything, and I never heard then end of how much my sister and I cost. When I was 17 years old, my dad was laid off, and he has spent the last 20 years, going from job to job, been laid off a few more time, never making much more than half or 2/3 of what he was making at that job he lost when I was 17. They have struggled my entire life, and they will never be able to completely retire. Even when they are pulling social security, and even though they've put money aside, they will always have to work at least part-time.

Honestly, I am TERRIFIED that could become my reality if I choose a partner who isn't financially stable, who doesn't have a good career. (This definitely would have happened to me if I stayed with my XH.) If that happens, there is no safety net. My family doesn't have money. I'm not getting an inheritance from anyone.

So, YES. Financial stability, a good career, and a healthy savings/retirement account is VERY IMPORTANT to me, and I'm not ashamed of it. I don't want someone who is going to spend a boatload of money on me, but I wouldn't mind it if he wanted to spoil me a little, because I've never had anyone spoil me before. But I don't want a big-ass house or expensive cars; I'd rather keep my Fiat and have a cozy, old house. I'm happy to live modestly. STUFF won't make me happy. BUT the security aspect is very important to me, and I'm not going to apologize for that.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #18 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 12:59 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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I'm am looking for someone who won't compromise MY financial stability and MY quality of life.
Well, this is what I said so clearly I wasn't interested in being financially responsible for any man either.

Quote:
my new partner was that he was self-sufficient without any help from me and I wanted to ensure there was never a chance I'd be on the hook financially to take care of anyone else but myself and my own children.

Quote:
BUT the security aspect is very important to me, and I'm not going to apologize for that.
I need security too but can provide my own security. I don't need a man to do that for me. All I needed was a man that could take care of his own financial health.
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post #19 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 01:40 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

Enigma, was referring to the one bolded statement, not your whole comment. I can get behind nearly everything else you said

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post #20 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 01:51 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Well, this is what I said so clearly I wasn't interested in being financially responsible for any man either.






I need security too but can provide my own security. I don't need a man to do that for me. All I needed was a man that could take care of his own financial health.
No you didn't say that clearly at all. In the bolded statement you have claimed most of these women are gold diggers and to be avoided. You have insulted the integrity of a large group of women for doing exactly what you did. You seem to have the hates on women, you are not superior to the rest of us at all.

Most of the women I know IRL are financially capable of taking care of themselves but also require a man with at least equal financial means. Just because a woman is savvy enough to partner up with a wealthy man does not mean they are gold diggers, in fact they are intelligent women that understand the importance of financial equality.
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post #21 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 02:02 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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No you didn't say that clearly at all.
Actually this is exactly what I said...I just again pulled it from my post.

Your failure to comprehend what I wrote doesn't negate the fact that I wrote it.

Quote:
When I first got divorced, part of my criteria for my new partner was that he was self-sufficient without any help from me and I wanted to ensure there was never a chance I'd be on the hook financially to take care of anyone else but myself and my own children.
Quote:
In the bolded statement you have claimed most of these women are gold diggers and to be avoided.
That's because I believe a lot of them are gold-diggers and men should absolutely avoid them. My opinion doesn't require your agreement. My opinion is that there are far too many women who seek men for monetary gain.

Quote:
You seem to have the hates on women, you are not superior to the rest of us at all.
lol, I don't hate anyone. I simply have zero respect for women who don't act like financially responsible adults and I make no secret of that. Last time I checked, I can pretty much admire or not admire whomever I please.
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post #22 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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For casual dating I never cared what they earned but for a serious relationship it was/is very important that he be either a big earner and/or have a reasonable amount in assets
It seems that a man would need considerable earning power to be back in your league after a divorce before retirement. Gotta get that first marriage right, or at least manage not to have kids in the failed marriage, boys!
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post #23 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 02:31 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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It seems that a man would need considerable earning power to be back in your league after a divorce before retirement. Gotta get that first marriage right, or at least manage not to have kids in the failed marriage, boys!
Yes he did need to have considerable earning power to be considered a long term partner, what is the problem? Like I said financial equality is important to me, I have to protect myself and my kids future. We have a pre nup which protects ALL of us, me, him and our respective kids.
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post #24 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 02:33 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Any woman that's worried about how much money you have is probably interested in having you support her and you need to avoid women like that like the plague.
This is the statement in question.

Any woman but just not you EG?
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post #25 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 02:46 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Gotta get that first marriage right, or at least manage not to have kids in the failed marriage, boys!
Nah, just find a woman who's financially stable on her own, wants to be an equal partner and isn't looking for someone else's to take care of them monetarily. There are a lot of good women out there who just want a good man and aren't after a cash payout.

Quote:
Any woman but just not you EG?
You have the right to have whatever opinion you please about me or anything/anyone else. I assure you that your bad opinion of me won't be keeping me up at night.

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post #26 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 03:00 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Originally Posted by moco82 View Post
Sometimes I think how I would have spent my paycheck had I been single without any obligations. I picture a nice apartment, perhaps with a view, and although I don't understand overspending on cars, I'm sure I wouldn't be driving a Civic. Then a decent % would go on restaurants, bars, and vacations (miles accrued from work can go a long way for just two people). Obviously, when you're newly single but retain most of the financial obligations, things are going to be a lot more Spartan.

Divorced men of TAM, how did you find single women react to a middle-aged man with financial limitations despite everything else about him (physical shape, personality, social status, engaging career) being "dating material"?
they speak nicely and move on (or are really damaged looking for support)
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post #27 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Yes he did need to have considerable earning power to be considered a long term partner, what is the problem?
Maybe we should define "considerable earning power". Can you please cite a pre-tax annual income you would deem "considerable"?
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post #28 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 04:39 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

Play nice, kids. No threadjacking!

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post #29 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 04:56 PM
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Considerable Earning Power or CEP for short lol is around the $250k p/yr mark plus bonuses. Any other questions?
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post #30 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-22-2015, 05:10 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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It seems that a man would need considerable earning power to be back in your league after a divorce before retirement. Gotta get that first marriage right, or at least manage not to have kids in the failed marriage, boys!
From my experience and that of a lot of my female friends, there are a lot of male gold diggers out there as well.

Any woman who has a good income and/or assets needs to be very careful because there are plenty of men out there who are looking to take advantage.
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