I want to understand your viewpoint a bit better. Do you consider it an unequal exchange of a woman stays home with a bunch of kids and treats her SAHM job like a pro? Meaning:
- Kids get a high quantity of high quality attention
- Mom specifically chooses activities with educational value - such as reading to them in a way that gradually teaches them to read.
- Runs the house like a Swiss clock, everything is clean and organized
- Spends carefully AND efficiently - prizes her ability to find bargains/negotiate
- Puts the husbands sexual desires ahead of her own - by having sex more frequently than maybe she'd like, because she knows his job is stressful
- Without hesitation gets up and deals with any night time disturbances so he can get a good nights sleep
In the spirit of proactive reciprocity I'll go first.
I absolutely dislike the politically correct nonsense of the current day which favors statements such as: being a stay at home mom is the HARDEST job in the world.
The post below is from 5 years ago. And
we had some - control issues - which have since been resolved.
When we met we both earned about the same and made good money for our ages. When we had kids I did not WANT 100 percent of the financial responsibility. We fought about it. She prevailed. I wanted 2 kids - she wanted 3. We had 3. Our first child took 2 two hour naps a day and slept through the night. I am NOT a messy guy and I like to cook. While we had one child - her life was definitely easier then mine and she will tell you so without hesitation. And I will also say that she is a great mom and would read the kids the same book 50 times in a row if they asked or play candy land 100 times in a row if they wanted even though she hated that game. She was 10 times better in her role then I would have been.
This whole idea of men being beholden to women because the women have a 7/24 job is a fine concept but in reality:
- There is a HUGE difference between a 6 month old and a 7 year old in terms of labor intensiveness.
- And between an easy kid and a difficult kid. And between a difficult kid and a special needs kid.
- Between 1 child and 4 children
So if you have 4 preschool kids then you trump ANY person working for money in terms of workload. If you have 1 easy child who is 2 years old and a hard working husband then IME your life is in a very real sense easier then his.
As for the "house". I have been the house husband for the last year plus. So lets start with the whole 7/24 thing. You are ON CALL 7/24 sure. But actual work hours can be a LOT less then 60 hours a week and as for what is a work hour well lets address that.
If I spend 3 hours a day on the house - which is the MOST it takes - on the house - how do I compute hours worked when:
- I watch tv while folding the laundry which is the only labor intensive part. Sorry doesn't feel like work.
- I can unload the dishwasher while on the phone with friends. Same for picking up the house a bit - using my telephone headset. If I do a bunch of "work" while chatting with friends and watching tv how does that compare to a stressful job dealing with demanding customers? Not saying it is effortless - I AM saying that it feels political when I read how women have it so hard and men have it so easy.
On the revenue side:
- There is a difference between a 40 hour work week and a 60
- Between a low travel job and a high travel job
- Just as there is a huge difference between being a librarian and being a technology consultant in stress level. So instead of speaking in gross generalizations I will be specific.
In my house:
- When we had 1 child her life was easier.
- When we had 2 children her life was still easier since the first was almost 5 when the second was born.
- When we had 3 children 2 of whom were quite young her job was harder and I should have helped more
- When all 3 of them were in school full time her job became easier again - details below.
Fast forward 13 years:
- All 3 kids are now in school - youngest is in first grade
- I am now working a job that is very difficult and emotionally draining - and yes time consuming.
- I am earning per month what I earned per year when we met
- She is taking great care of the kids - as always - but treats any extra requests I have as a very low priority
We had intense conflict over this last bit - for over a year - at which point she made my requests a high priority - they were never things that were very time consuming - things like getting me a house key made. And you know what I emotionally started to burn out ON MY MARRIAGE. Because I really started to feel used. And - amazingly - I got so angry about it - that it did effect our sex life for a while.
So I can understand how the reverse is true - when the reverse REALLY is true. I just don't think women always address the specifics of their situation.
Actually this is exactly what I said...I just again pulled it from my post.
Your failure to comprehend what I wrote doesn't negate the fact that I wrote it.
That's because I believe a lot of them are gold-diggers and men should absolutely avoid them. My opinion doesn't require your agreement. My opinion is that there are far too many women who seek men for monetary gain.
lol, I don't hate anyone. I simply have zero respect for women who don't act like financially responsible adults and I make no secret of that. Last time I checked, I can pretty much admire or not admire whomever I please.