Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-23-2015, 09:50 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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The reason to want to seek someone with a huge income is because you want some of what they own/have.
If, in a situation like Holland's, the parties are financially equal, the above does not hold. Why? Because each is equally entitled to what the other owns/has/earns. It is a pretty good balance.

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post #62 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-23-2015, 11:59 PM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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If, in a situation like Holland's, the parties are financially equal, the above does not hold. Why? Because each is equally entitled to what the other owns/has/earns. It is a pretty good balance.
I actually never commented on her situation...its not at all interesting to me.

What I did say is that generally when a woman is seeking a man with a huge salary its too often because she's interested in his money.

A woman who's only interested in protecting her own assets doesn't necessarily have to seek a partner who makes a huge sum of money...those two things are not equal at all. In fact, I know people that have had huge sums of money and still go after the other partner in divorce.
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post #63 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 12:05 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Yes and TBH I have no problem with it all, if others do then that is theirs to wallow in. My ex and I started out financial equals as well albeit much less to ours names. While we were not compatible sexually we were compatible in other areas and as a team worked very hard to build our portfolio, I mean hard physical work doing reno's and flicking them, we made fantastic money doing this. While our friends were living it up in luxury and in massive debt we lived very modestly and built our wealth.
We split our assets 50/50 and are both OK post divorce.

Many do think they deserve more than they provide, I never subscribed to that way of thinking which is why bottom line, I would not partner with a wealthy man if I wasn't and I would not enter into a serious relationship with a man that is not my financial equal.

Really cannot see the problem here, surely after divorce people should be able to be honest about their wants/needs in a partner. I still put sexual and financial compatibility at the top of my list, no emotion involved in this, it is a head decision not a heart one.
"Many do think they deserve more than they provide"

Sounds so superficial when talking about money. Same as if you talk about any object like this. Cars, houses, clothes, investments, Etc. Why do these need to be equal?

I would be much more upset if my partner felt they deserved more love than the provided. More kindness. More honesty. The amount of effort.

Not just some THING like money.

I think it is fine that you and your husband are both wealthy. But I think what will keep you happy and together is your other priority (sex). I hope your husband also has integrity, compassion and honesty. Without those, money is not worth much.
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post #64 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 01:01 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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I was married to a guy who was horrible with money, and if I had stayed with him... he would have ruined both of us financially, I'm sure of it. Or, at the very least, we would have spent the rest of our life struggling.

So, YES. Financial stability, a good career, and a healthy savings/retirement account is VERY IMPORTANT to me, and I'm not ashamed of it. I don't want someone who is going to spend a boatload of money on me, but I wouldn't mind it if he wanted to spoil me a little, because I've never had anyone spoil me before.
From someone who has watched people and guys, and has a nose for finance....let me just completely assure you... you made the right call.
From what I've seen either the guy has a prudent financial mind, or they do not.

Even if he got a high roller job he would have just built the "bigger debt hole" to eat it all. and the more money would have just resulted in less reason for him to become prudent.

If he doesn't comprehend the budget/plan, and is at least building some sort of future portfolio, he would have to smash into "train wreck"/"train coming the other way"/"burnt ashes" befreo he had a reason to change...and your prudence would only have delayed that prudence. At best you would have spent a life micromanaging his financial behaviour, like a parent with an ADD child.

IMO, you made an excellent call. I wish you well with your investments. Don't spoil or go lenient on your kids, growing up with stuff is what creates that mindset of your ex's - having not gone without and seen others pain from the failure, they cannot comprehend it as there is nothing in their mind to relate to financial failure. (also why a lot of daughters alos have the same lack of money appreciation, as often someone will give them something if they look poor or cry)
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post #65 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 01:19 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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I actually never commented on her situation...its not at all interesting to me.

What I did say is that generally when a woman is seeking a man with a huge salary its too often because she's interested in his money.


A woman who's only interested in protecting her own assets doesn't necessarily have to seek a partner who makes a huge sum of money...those two things are not equal at all. In fact, I know people that have had huge sums of money and still go after the other partner in divorce.
The same goes for a man who is only seeing a woman with huge salary and/or assets. Believe me there are plenty of them out there.
If two people have grossly unequal assets, income, etc. it can be very hard for one of them to protect their higher income/assets. I know this from experience.

A person with lower income can end up sapping income/assets because often times the higher earning person ends up footing the bill on just about everything. This can put their financial wellbeing at risk.

Now if a person accepts that risk, then that’s their choice. But it’s also a choice to not accept this type of risk. Both are valid choices. People have the right to decide what criteria they use to choose a mate.

Both men and women with good income and assets need to be very careful of gold diggers. There are plenty out there looking to take from other.

Last edited by EleGirl; 12-24-2015 at 02:29 AM.
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post #66 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 02:16 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

After separating finances, I took all the debts, mortgage, car payments, insurances, taxes and utilities. I gave her 5 months to stay at the house with zero financial obligations, so she could find a job to supplement her income. She chose not to, within that 5 months all our debts were paid off... At the end of the 5 months she was on the street.

During our marriage I was working 50+ hours a week, we were living paycheck to paycheck. Once I separated my income from her even with all the obligations I took sole responsibility for, I didn't work a single hour over 40/wk. I was able to stick money in the bank, pay my outrageously expensive lawyer and develop a less than healthy online shopping addiction.

I have a great night life, eat real food I prepare myself, and took up a few hobbies during my free time.

We didn't have kids together, she had 2 boys that she brought into the marriage, one was a adult with a full time job, I'm sure he was/is then and now supporting her.
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post #67 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 02:32 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

gouge_away,

Good to hear that you are doing well financially now.

What a shame for your son, the younger one, that he is stuck in that situation. I suppose she's out looking for the next guy to support her.

Did you sell the house?
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post #68 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 02:51 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Originally Posted by EnigmaGirl View Post
I actually never commented on her situation...its not at all interesting to me.

What I did say is that generally when a woman is seeking a man with a huge salary its too often because she's interested in his money.

A woman who's only interested in protecting her own assets doesn't necessarily have to seek a partner who makes a huge sum of money...those two things are not equal at all. In fact, I know people that have had huge sums of money and still go after the other partner in divorce.
And for resounding proof of that most learned statement, I'd like to introduce my RSXW(rich, skanky, ex-wife) as Exhibit "A"!
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post #69 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 05:52 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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I absolutely dislike the politically correct nonsense of the current day which favors statements such as: being a stay at home mom is the HARDEST job in the world.
I agree. My mother was a SAHM. She has admitted that it was an easy job even with 6 kids. If we were to compare it to a job outside the house, here are the differences:
1. No need to present a yearly budget.
2. No need to follow a yearly budget.
3. No need to present a list of goals.
4. No need to even work to attain those goals.
5. No periodic evaluations.
6. And to "fire"a SAHM, well we know what that takes and it's never complete like being fired from a company.

IF being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, why do so many women choose to do it. That defies economic logic.
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post #70 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 06:25 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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Originally Posted by Holland View Post
Being wealthy and focusing on things that make us happy are not mutually exclusive.

And yes salary and assets are important to me because I have a lot to protect for myself and my kids. Not sure why that is hard for some to understand.
I don't believe I ever said they were, but feel free to make assumptions. What I said was that someone who was more concerned with money and retirements plans was doing me a favor because I have other pursuits to my own happiness. I don't understand what is so difficult for YOU to understand.


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post #71 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 06:41 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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I agree. My mother was a SAHM. She has admitted that it was an easy job even with 6 kids. If we were to compare it to a job outside the house, here are the differences:
1. No need to present a yearly budget.
2. No need to follow a yearly budget.
3. No need to present a list of goals.
4. No need to even work to attain those goals.
5. No periodic evaluations.
6. And to "fire"a SAHM, well we know what that takes and it's never complete like being fired from a company.

If being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, why do so many women choose to do it. That defies economic logic.
Sorry, but the "economic logic" referred to is simply called "job security" on their part!

So let's just say that it does, in fact, work rather well for them, just as well as it does for their marital partners!

But that's really only up until the time that the petition for divorce from them finally arrives!

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post #72 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 06:41 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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From my experience and that of a lot of my female friends, there are a lot of male gold diggers out there as well.

Any woman who has a good income and/or assets needs to be very careful because there are plenty of men out there who are looking to take advantage.
yes, and these gold diggers are not easily identified by their own lack of assets.

The guy I dated between marriages was making 6 figures and lived in a $750K valued house (about one third was the value of the mortgage.)

At the same time that he was professing truelove and marriage and he would come to London (from the USto be with me) and all my friends and family swooened at how into me he was and what a great catch.....

umm, yeah,
1. he wanted to move into my teeny little 2 bed apt that I "shared" with my business
2. and then pay me "something" towards the rent. He never said how much because I "turned" down the offer
3. he also tried to twist my arm to get me to "use his house" as an "office" in the US for my business. No discussion of course as to how much that would cost or who would pay for that.
4. he took the first job offer made to him which was a 50% cut in pay from his (then) current job. He was "leaving" a very large organisation, so it's very possible that they had a sabbatical program that he was trying to use. So that could have been one year in London / a tour of Europe all the while knowing that his job and home are still waiting for him back in the US.

I had not gotten to that point of analysis above in real time, but I did know that I was not going to let some man that I had only known for a year (and LDR at that) take away half of my living space.

Some people accused me of using him and that I was not that into him. Some women can be our own worst enemies.
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post #73 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 07:47 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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gouge_away,
....
Did you sell the house?
No not yet, my son, dog, and I are staying here. There will need to be some work done if I am to break even on the house.
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post #74 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 07:52 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

Financial equality or at least common financial philosophy is a huge part of my post divorce life. Maybe that's shame on me thinking but frankly I have no interest in a woman who's plus fifty and still hasn't figured out how to save a nickel.

It has nothing to do with not wanting to be supportive of a new partner or fearing I will lose half of my portfolio (again). To me it is just another must have aspect of commonality in a relationship, I don't want to fight about money, I want someone who shares my financial philosophy and works toward the same goal. She doesn't necessarily have to be my financial equal, she doesn't need to be on the exact same page, but she sure needs to be reading from the same book.

Back to the OP's original question of how he will look on the dating market while carrying financial burdens or obligations. At this point it becomes a matter of recoverability for you. If I saw you as someone who would be financially distressed for the next twenty years I wouldn't be interested in you, sorry (plus I'm a dude). If you have the ability and tenacity to rise above your current financial situation then I would look at the long term picture a bit differently.
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post #75 of 121 (permalink) Old 12-24-2015, 10:19 AM
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Re: Men: Financial Limitations During New Single Life

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The same goes for a man who is only seeing a woman with huge salary and/or assets. Believe me there are plenty of them out there.
If two people have grossly unequal assets, income, etc. it can be very hard for one of them to protect their higher income/assets. I know this from experience.
No doubt, however, the original post I commented on was from a male OP.

It can be hard to protect your assets regardless of gaps in income because of divorce laws and life situations. The chance that incomes will always be equal throughout a long relationship is unlikely.

If you want to protect your assets, income is meaningless...you simply need to go to a lawyer and do it. And stay away from people who clearly are after your money.
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