- I agree with Ynot. I usually pay for dates because I feel like if I'm asking a woman out it is my treat. However, it is nice to be treated occasionally too and makes me feel like she isn't taking me for granted. I don't ask a woman to pay on a date, but I sure notice if she occasionally offers and think very highly about that gesture.
Also, the concept that a guy saving money will just be spent on another woman is actually rather offensive. It implies a level of control and entitlement on the woman's part that is hard for me to comprehend. If a woman that I was dating told me she wanted me to pay for her so I didn't have money to go out and spend with any of my other friends (either male or female) I'd just laugh at her and show her the door. Firstly, my dating budget is a small fraction of my income so it makes no difference financially. Secondly, if I wanted to hang out with a friend and couldn't afford to go anywhere I'd just choose a free activity. Thirdly, if I'm in a committed relationship and the woman doesn't trust me around other women then we have far more serious problems to deal with. Fourthly, if all my discretionary income is being spent on dating then I need to reprioritize my budgeting.
Thanks for addressing my concerns. I don't know about other women, but IRL, I would not put it quite the way that you or I have on this message board.
The times when I felt that I was being "macked" include when dating my first husband and my second husband.
It was the situation with my second husband while we were dating that brought me here. The elements of that specific situation include:
1. He claimed that he preferred me over his "friend."
2. We got into the habit of seeing each other half of the week. (time as a resource)
3. He knew that I wasn't working due to getting chemotherapy but still hassled me over paying for stuff.
4. She told him that she was making GBP40k but I found a lot evidence in which he paid for a quite a few things, some of which he never (during this period) offered to pay for me.... even at a time when he knew that she was actively looking to date other men.
and yet, he reassured me that I was the "girlfriend" and she was "just a friend."
When I grew a backbone before the one year anniversary of our dating, I told him that I wanted the same situation that she had with him. I wanted my bar tabs, taxi fares and everything else in between paid for. I wanted the freedom go to still look for other men while expecting to jump when I cam back around.
When I was able to show him all the receipts and mentions of spending money between the two of them. He changed.
Certainly, if I am just going out with a guy I'm not going to expect him to underwrite my social life with him.
But I do feel very strongly that when I am making an investment in a long term relationship, there will never be an acceptable reason that my boyfriend will feel comfortable nickle and diming me when he gives princess service to some other unrelated woman.