Deal Breakers - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Deal Breakers

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@Chuck71 ~
Regarding organized religion, I happen to be in a Church where there is little political or theological division, so if there is a lady out there who professes Christ, but at the same time, chastises "the Church," I feel I am most capable of offering up a cross-examination of those facts, that I can tell if she is indeed a Christian! You would be appalled at the sheer number of people who profess being a Christian but have no clue what "picking up their cross and following" really entails!

But if a lady truly is a Christian and at the same time "shuns" the Church, I can most definitely deal with it!

Regarding Tea Partiers, they all rally around the cross, but if asked to volunteer at Church, or to even tithe or make monetary offerings, they seem to be the last to ever comply! More often than not, they are the ones who fill up the Church pews only at Easter and Christmas. We just don't see them at any other time!

Regarding those media-encapsulated chicks, I can take'em or leave'em! Just don't come flailing at me telling me what you heard over the news media ~ more especially over at Faux News or at MSNBC!

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Queensryche said it best in 1988

"Selling skin..... selling God..... the numbers are the same on the credit card"

Off topic.... you mentioned awhile back you had a fondness of Phil Collins and Do you Remember. Can I ask why?


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #17 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 12:55 PM
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Phil collins sings well .

What's the catch here ?
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post #18 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 12:59 PM
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Being the word-smith you are (I have quoted you as such in the past), allow me to ask......

1-If one is a believer in God.... but can carve up "organized religion" like a knife through butter.... how would that sit with you?

3-No question..... just find this hard to locate in my area. Now if it was FB or smart phone apps, they're all in *eyeroll*

5-You're laughing at the Tea Party too LOL

7-That was my #4 LOL ..... seriously.... this is needed in any healthy LTR

I want to ask you.... being an old fart and me being old indigestion and nearing an old fart myself..... how to you view females who seem to be encapsulated with social media?
@Chuck71 ~
Regarding organized religion, I happen to be in a Church where there is little political or theological division, so if there is a lady out there who professes Christ, but at the same time, chastises "the Church," I feel I am most capable of offering up a cross-examination of those facts, that I can tell if she is indeed a Christian! You would be appalled at the sheer number of people who profess being a Christian but have no clue what "picking up their cross and following" really entails!

But if a lady truly is a Christian and at the same time "shuns" the Church, I can most definitely deal with it!

Regarding Tea Partiers, they all rally around the cross, but if asked to volunteer at Church, or to even tithe or make monetary offerings, they seem to be the last to ever comply! More often than not, they are the ones who fill up the Church pews only at Easter and Christmas. We just don't see them at any other time!

Regarding those media-encapsulated chicks, I can take'em or leave'em! Just don't come flailing at me telling me what you heard over the news media ~ more especially over at Faux News or at MSNBC!

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Off topic here but wrt tithes . I stopped now . Why ? When I was divorcing and asked cell leaders n pastors for help , or just to talk to , none was available , it's the usual " . I'll call you back " but they didn't .
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post #19 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 02:19 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

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@Sun Catcher, curious, why no widows. I have several friends who are widowers. They say they run up against this often, so what gives? OTOH, I have another friend dating a widow and he suggests everybody should look for one since they are not embittered by a divorce.
As also mentioned by Teddie G. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of the "saintly" dead wife. I did date one widow, well met him once and he certainly wasn't over his dead wife and she did sound like a saint, lol.

Even friends I have who have been widowed talk about their dead husbands like they were saints, even when they were just about to go into divorce a few months before the guy died. Don't know what it is about death that makes people better than real life.

My husband is not embittered about his old marriage. He is just happy that it is over and happy that he found me. I am not embittered either, would do it all over again if I knew that was what I had to do to find happiness with my husband.
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post #20 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 02:24 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

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Not sure how you break up posts so...... Do you have a younger sister by chance? LOL

Neither have I and it's not touched on much. Per my three book trilogy, the ghost of a dead female haunts a couple for years. The guy dated the girl, broke up, she died when he was dating the next girl.

So sorry to hear that. Cancer claims more people in my family than the Publisher's Clearing House.......
I do have a younger sister, married to her high school sweetheart going on 30 years!

Hubby is fine now, was Multiple Myleoma, another long time poster here has it, too. He had a stem cell transplant and has been in remission for 3 years. We are grateful for each day and live each day to the fullest.
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post #21 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 03:04 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

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Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
Queensryche said it best in 1988

"Selling skin..... selling God..... the numbers are the same on the credit card"

Off topic.... you mentioned awhile back you had a fondness of Phil Collins and Do You Remember?

Can I ask why?
Not so much the song, as it was the music video that enveloped the song, in that there was an inserted black and white film sequence of a young, preadolescent boy, who was visibly in the midst of experiencing his first pangs of romantic love with a fellow classmate girl who was obviously going through the very same thing with him! And then to have it all so suddenly ripped away from them by her family having to move away!

The very same thing occurred to Ol' Arb back when he was in the 5th Grade, when he mutually fell head over heels in his first taste of love with a beautiful little blonde girl; and then to have it all so inicstripably stripped away from them both when her Dad got transferred to Kansas away from SW Louisiana! We continued to correspond with each other for some six months, but we soon started living our lives in our own little corners of the world!

And thinking back, I recall the beautiful, innocent memories of us holding hands in the hallway, having her cheer me on in my football and basketball games, sharing lunches together, and school trips!

Hence the name, but not necessarily the words of that heartbreaking song, Do You Remember?

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"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 01-09-2016 at 03:11 PM.
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post #22 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 03:17 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

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As also mentioned by Teddie G. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of the "saintly" dead wife. I did date one widow, well met him once and he certainly wasn't over his dead wife and she did sound like a saint, lol.

Even friends I have who have been widowed talk about their dead husbands like they were saints, even when they were just about to go into divorce a few months before the guy died. Don't know what it is about death that makes people better than real life.

My husband is not embittered about his old marriage. He is just happy that it is over and happy that he found me. I am not embittered either, would do it all over again if I knew that was what I had to do to find happiness with my husband.
Those are some pretty big assumptions there. What makes you think the dead spouse was so so "sainted"? I doubt there is much difference in the percentages of unhappy marriages just because a spouse has died. Some people don't get over dead spouses anymore than some people don't get over divorced spouses. My friends widow girl friend told me she had a few rough years, but as she has gotten back into the world, she has come to conclude how much better being widowed is vs being divorced. She said there is a finality to death that is missing in divorce and closure seems easier. OTOH I completely get what you are saying. I also know a guy who's wife has been dead for 5 years. he still has all of her make up brushes and perfumes laid out on the dresser as if she left for work that morning and coming home in a few hours. He wonders why he can't meet anyone?

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #23 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Deal Breakers

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As also mentioned by Teddie G. I didn't want to follow in the footsteps of the "saintly" dead wife. I did date one widow, well met him once and he certainly wasn't over his dead wife and she did sound like a saint, lol.

Even friends I have who have been widowed talk about their dead husbands like they were saints, even when they were just about to go into divorce a few months before the guy died. Don't know what it is about death that makes people better than real life.

My husband is not embittered about his old marriage. He is just happy that it is over and happy that he found me. I am not embittered either, would do it all over again if I knew that was what I had to do to find happiness with my husband.
Most think real life is like a PS3 game..... reset at any time.

Life unfortunately.... is not a dress rehearsal.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #24 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 05:34 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

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Those are some pretty big assumptions there. What makes you think the dead spouse was so so "sainted"? I doubt there is much difference in the percentages of unhappy marriages just because a spouse has died. Some people don't get over dead spouses anymore than some people don't get over divorced spouses. My friends widow girl friend told me she had a few rough years, but as she has gotten back into the world, she has come to conclude how much better being widowed is vs being divorced. She said there is a finality to death that is missing in divorce and closure seems easier. OTOH I completely get what you are saying. I also know a guy who's wife has been dead for 5 years. he still has all of her make up brushes and perfumes laid out on the dresser as if she left for work that morning and coming home in a few hours. He wonders why he can't meet anyone?

Ynot, my experiences, my impressions, nothing written in stone. . The gentleman I met on line spoke of his wife (a lot). She sounded like an incredible and wonderful woman. Wish I could have met her! He didn't have a chance though, even if he hadn't been a widow, there was no spark there.

Closure should be easier with death you would think, but that hasn't been my experience with people I know. I just didn't want to live or try to build a relationship with someone else's ghost. One younger girl I know well had complained all the time about her husband who was kind of a dead beat with a myriad of health problems which brought on his death. She hooked up quickly with a new young healthy guy, yet a number of years down the road is still posting her old wedding pictures on each anniversary with headings like "always in my heart" "forever loved" and stuff like that.

I just don't get that stuff and am glad my husband thinks I am the most perfect woman and wife. I love that I can fulfill his hearts desires, something his ex had never done. Not sure a widow who had a good life with his past wife would think I am so perfect!
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post #25 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-10-2016, 05:14 AM
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Re: Deal Breakers

She has to actually like long walks on the beach.

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post #26 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-10-2016, 07:39 AM
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Re: Deal Breakers

@Sun Catcher, no judgement, just asking. I was just curious, because as I said my friends have varying experiences. I think it is sort of like people who won't date, twice divorced or WASs or whatever other type of people that they happened to have had negative experiences with.

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
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post #27 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-10-2016, 08:36 AM
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Re: Deal Breakers

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@Sun Catcher, no judgement, just asking. I was just curious, because as I said my friends have varying experiences. I think it is sort of like people who won't date, twice divorced or WASs or whatever other type of people that they happened to have had negative experiences with.
Well, it did take me 6 years to get back in the saddle from my last relationship. I used that time having fun and traveling with GF's and family. Also worked a lot on myself both with and without professional help. I didn't want to fall again for the same type of cheating A-holes as before. I did something right, obviously and had a whole ton of luck, too!
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post #28 of 61 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:13 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

No Tattoos.No nurses.No doctors.
I'm ok with everything else.
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post #29 of 61 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:22 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

1- If the spouse is abusive.

Verbal and/or physical.
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post #30 of 61 (permalink) Old 09-21-2016, 12:28 PM
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Re: Deal Breakers

1. Passive aggressiveness
2. Needing my help financially
3. Messiness

I say Left, but mean Purple
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