09-22-2011, 08:58 PM
Join Date: May 2010
| | Married 4 months, divorce took 7 months ...
I was a frequent poster here during the 10 months I lived with my husband, which included 6 months before our legal ceremony and the 4 months I struggled to figure out what was wrong with me - before I figured out that what was wrong with me was that my husband was choking me to "calm me down" during our fights.
So yeah. Left at the end of October. He sat on the paperwork until May. I realized he was holding out in order to punish me, and around that time, I realized I did owe him a genuine apology (possibly more?) for something I did. I sent him an apology letter, along with some photos of a project he'd been working on, and the next day? He signed the papers.
As for me - well, I spent 2 months in my pajamas, watching Law and Order, living with my mother. I got a job, and 3 months after that I managed to get my own apartment. I've been taking good care of my puppy, who's now a full-grown dog.
And shortly after my divorce became finalized, a very old friend who I had not seen in 7 years walked back into my life. We had actually dated 12 years ago (for one month) when we were just kids in high school. I told myself not to call him. "You just got divorced. You're messed up. You're used goods. He's too good for you." But 3 days after we were re-acquainted, I did call him, and we're both glad I did.
We started seeing each other a lot in June and became exclusive in July. He loves my dog. He took me to meet his extended family at a reunion in Pennsylvania. I took him to my sister's beach house where he cooked for me, my sister, and my mother. We go camping. He does beautiful celtic and nordic ropework, a side effect of which is that he knows how to braid! So when I get out of the shower, he brushes my hair and braids it for me. He'll probably move in before winter arrives.
It's love, no doubt about that. But it's not obsessive, for either of us. Sometimes our work schedules conflict and we don't talk for a couple days, might not see each other for a few days. There's no constant texting, no demands that either of us check in with the other. We love spending time together, and there is passion and desire like I've never experienced before. But NEED? Nope. We don't NEED each other.
I still think about my ex. I can hardly believe that in a few more weeks, it will be one year since I've laid eyes on him. Therapy helps (now that I'm not married to someone who tells me I'm not allowed to have therapy). My dog is my lifeline. I honestly believe that if I had to do it again, without my family's support, if I had to start over with just my dog and my car, I could do it.
I know my marriage was short. Our entire relationship, from our first hook-up (November 2007) to divorce (May 2011) was just over 3 years. There were no kids, there was no house. I had it easier than a lot of folks here.
Even so, I made it. And I hope everyone who's staring down the barrel of a failed marriage can one day experience the level of recovery and peace I have.