falling apart
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Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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Old 09-23-2011, 02:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default falling apart

Maybe this isn't even the right place to post this....I don't know...I am just a mess lately. I feel as though I am failing.... as a mother, as a student....as a person in general. I am a full time student and single mother of five kids. I have no family here, and few friends. I am not balancing school and kids well at well. I try to, but it just not working very well. I packed all of my classes in the morning so I can be home to pick up my youngest son by noon. I have evening classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It seems my boys raise themselves more than I raise them. If I need to meet with TA's, professors, or tutors, I simply can't, so my school work is suffering. Not enough time to get everything done that needs to get done.

I was already feeling very overwelmed, and then tonight, minutes after I got done with an exam, when I got a frantic call from one of my sons saying an ambulance was coming to get My youngest son. My five year old fell 10-12 feet off of a ladder. A police officer picked me up at the college and took me to my son. They transported him by ambulance. Some stitches, broken bones, bruised kidney, concussion....ugh....I feel like the worlds worst mother. I wasn't even there. I am going to school to hopefully make a better life for my kids...but maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe it was not the right choice. Of course if it wasn't school it would be work, but I think full-time work takes up way less time than full time school!

I question every choice that I have made that led me here. I question every choice I make everyday and wonder I am doing anything right. I'm feeling completely alone with no where to turn..... This is not where I thought I would be in life. It's very very far from it. Way too many tears lately....
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
ing
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Default Re: falling apart

I am not ssurprised you are overwhelemed. Five boys and school work.

I am in AWE!!!

Just raising the boys is hard enough, but to cram school in too is amazing.
You should be very proud of yourself. Accidents happen to boys because they do really dumb things, like fall of roofs..
I know this. I was one

Even if you were there all the time, they would still do dumb things, so don't beat yourself up.

Improving your life will improve their life too. Keep it up. If you have to slow down the school work but wow..

I am in AWE
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Old 09-23-2011, 07:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: falling apart

I think every parent feels like a failure at times, we micro analyze our decisions and lose sight of the big picture. Every day will not go perfect, in fact FEW days ever go perfect! You are doing the best you can and trying to make a better life for both your children and yourself, that's exactly what every parent should be doing.

As hard is it may seem try not to live in each moment and stress out about all that is going on, look at the prize you're reaching for down the road. In life as a whole these few years are only a tiny percentage of your days, do what needs to be done and keep moving, before you know it things will settle down and it will have been worth it.

Glad your son is OK, a few trips to the ER seems to be part of parenting, we all have our stories. Maybe down the road steer him toward a career path that doesn't involve ladders though!!
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Old 09-26-2011, 03:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: falling apart

It is very, very, likely that your school has resources in terms of counseling, or assisting with coordinating your kids and schoolwork. Even if it is as straightforward as putting you in touch with people in similar circumstances.

Seriously ... you should really look into what kind of services the school can assist with. It's a start.

You have taken on a daunting challenge. A noble one.

Don't beat yourself up for choosing better for yourself and your kids. But do accept that 'better' may not always look or feel that way.
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Old 09-26-2011, 06:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: falling apart

Quote:
Originally Posted by ing View Post
I am not ssurprised you are overwhelemed. Five boys and school work.

I am in AWE!!!

Just raising the boys is hard enough, but to cram school in too is amazing.
You should be very proud of yourself. Accidents happen to boys because they do really dumb things, like fall of roofs..
I know this. I was one

Even if you were there all the time, they would still do dumb things, so don't beat yourself up.

Improving your life will improve their life too. Keep it up. If you have to slow down the school work but wow..

I am in AWE


I am raising my 3 boys (10, 12 and 13)....believe me, he would have fallen off that ladder with you there or not. Or he could have fallen at school, playground or any other place. If you were cooking dinner and he was down the street playing- it would have made no difference- he could have fallen off his bike out of a tree or so many other things.
I have spent many days feeling sad and worried that my working full time was not allowing me to be home for my boys enough....but I have also learned that they are resilient little creatures! And they are smarter than I give them credit for sometimes. They can sense when I am having an overwhelming day and they do as much as they can to help. Of course they are still kids so there are also days they won't even put a dish away.
You are doing what is best for you and the kids, you should be very proud of the awesome example you are setting for them. They notice and later in life when they are faced with a challenge, they will not run away from it but will problem solve a way to get it done!!
Take care and know that you are not alone.... I have felt alone many days and coming on here and reading others comments has made me feel much better.
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Old 09-30-2011, 02:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: falling apart

raising5boyz,

Let's take one step at a time here. First, I hope your son is okay. If he is that is good. Boys get hurt all the time. Second, let's take a moment to be grateful for what you have and not worry about what you don't have. Gratitude helps a lot. You've been blessed with five kids. You have the ability to move on. I would definitely recommend seeking some help. Your school is a great place to start. Even your local church is another. See if your kids PTA can help out, too. Or your neighbors.. Believe me, you're not alone. Next, I would definitely reduce your school work. It's not important that you rush through school, but rather enjoy it. Reducing your school work will help out. That's nothing wrong going part-time.

Listen, it's okay to feel overwhelm. The key is how you handle it. Your kids look up to you. The most important thing is how you deal with your inside world (your feelings, your emotions, etc). You can't control the outside world.

I admire you for doing so much. I hope you will find comfort to know that you're not alone. Have faith.. It will take you far. You will find courage, strength and wisdom from inside. trust me..
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Old 10-03-2011, 12:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: falling apart

I am not in your situation, but I do somewhat know how you feel. I am not listing compariasons, just a little of what goes on elsewhere.

A couple of years ago, my youngest daughter took a spill off of a ten foot high slide at a city park. I was at the base of the slide when this happened. She turned out o.k. It only knocked the wind out of her. She was only three at the time.

Just a couple weekends ago, my same daughter had took a little spill off of a four wheeler that was sitting on a trailer parked at a friends house. I was standing right next to her when she fell, but I was looking the other direction talking to my friend. She suffered some scrapes, bumps and bruises, but she turned out o.k.

A few months ago, my oldest daughter (22), was on I-70 north of Denver (I live in Utah) when the vehicle that she was in had gotten into an accident with three other vehicles. She was the only one out of the whole bunch that had to be life-flighted to the hospital. She had a couple cracked ribs, big bruises, and a slight concussion. Otherwise she was o.k. This was a blessing in disguise because it was then that the doctors had X-Rayed her, they discovered that she had emphysema.

A few years ago, my youngest son (he was 12 at the time, living in Colorado, I was in Utah) was trimming down his belt with a knife when he accidently slipped and sliced his arm open. He required emergency surgery, but in the end, he turned out o.k.

There are more instances where my five children (two boys and three girls), have gotten injured, but I think that this was enough to tell.

What I am getting at is this. It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing, kids will be kids, things will happen, and they will fall and/or get hurt. You cannot hold yourself at fault for trying to further your eductaion to provide a better life for you and your children. You have strength beyond mine to be able to provide for your yourself and your boys AND going to school. I commend you for your efforts to prepare for a better future for yourself, and for your boys.

Keep smiling. It is your greatest asset. If your boys see you smiling and happy, they will know that everything will be all right. Keep up the good work!
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Old 10-03-2011, 01:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Raising5boyz,

YOu are doing what you can. You won't always be there for them. They will learn to deal with pain and emergencies themselves.

I'll offer this - as far as schoolwork. . .if the degree is terminal and you don't need the good grades to move on to something else, just be happy with C's.

I look back on things and grades are so unimportant in the scheme of things.. . the degree is the most important thing.

Some colleges are starting to finally move away from a grading system of evaluation and go for e-portfolios instead.
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Old 10-03-2011, 02:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I have a funny, lighthearted story - awhile ago I gave my son a cube made of solid jade, it was the one my Dad gave to me when I was around 9 or 10, last night I pulled his bed away from the wall to retrieve all the stuff that was down there and found this stone again. My son fell asleep with this right beside his head looking at it, this morning I was getting him dressed and noticed he had a really deep perfectly square indent and bruise on his chest where he must have rolled over onto this jade cube. haha, he was so proud of the mark... he went to a new daycare today and as soon as we got there he pulled the stone out of his pocket to show the daycare lady (I didn't even know he had it in there!).

I am amazed by his resiliency, he has more bruises than I can count right now, and he is getting really brave with his "parkour/free running" (or maybe its me that is getting braver watching him).
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