The "just a friend" turned out to be what I thought it was, ex-husband is now openly dating her. I anticipate they'll marry. It seems so new to our kids, but in reality they've been dating for almost 3 years at this point. All during our supposed reconciliation, couples counseling. I finalized the divorce because I didn't think she would ever be out of the picture and friend or not I wanted her out of his life.
Good for you in enforcing your boundaries.
I've already heard you should be mad at him not her. She wasn't silent and in the background through all of this. She was pretty blatant about quite a bit even going so far as to tell my daughter that I was the one cheating not her and my ex, so I do have a lot of very negative feelings toward her.
You know, I've done a lot of thinking about this. Yes, be angry at him. He's the one who betrayed you. But it's so much easier to hate her, because you don't have any conflicting emotions. With him, you have these strong memories and associations, so your feelings aren't as black and white.
With her, it's simple. You know her as the POS she is. And don't know or need to know another thing about her.
At least that has been my experience.
I feel that I'm being forced to accept her and I really am struggling tremendously with that. It just seems so unfair to have lied and betrayed and hurt me then basically just pour salt in to the wound. I feel that I wouldn't be a good mom if I didn't put my feelings aside and just accept it all, but I can't even imagine being friendly with her or even polite.
How do you get past this? Do I even have to accept her? I realize it will be more difficult for family, but honestly I have no intention of sharing holidays with her. To see others be nice to her which I know they have to would just make my blood boil at this point.
Depends on what you mean by accept her. You don't have to invite her to tea or go and spend time with her. You don't actually have to engage with her at all.
But in terms of not accepting that she may be in your kids lives? Well yeah, you have to accept that eventually or it will make you crazy.
And no you absolutely don't share holidays with her. You have your holidays with your family. What you have to do is be gracious when your kids spend holidays with your ex his POS new gf. That's going to hurt, but it's the right thing to do for your kids.