Re: Crossroads III: The Launch
Before I go into detail with new gal..... I would like to update things with "Cyclone Mom." When mom went to driving school last year (LOL) she was informed if she has one more accident which is seen as her fault, her DL will be pulled for five years. She was ultra pizzed.... I didn't exactly agree with it either but if you weigh in car insurance and her age (over 70), I can see why. Anyway... she began coming out a few times a week and we got along great. I enjoyed it.... but knew.... I still called and asked her if she needs anything ONLY if I am in town for other reasons. I called her on a Sunday, needs nothing. Run into town.... by the time we return.... VM..... day before the 4th.... in a wreck, no injuries, her fault.
Now she realizes the fact she will not be allowed to drive. She leans on me..... hints.... yeah I know where this goes. But y'know ..... if any female deserves one last chance, it is her. Yes I already contemplated the part that could be bad. Since her DL was to be pulled and she told off her sister, she could be stuck at her apartment for days at a time. No smokes, no food.... yeah still bothered me.... she would sit there with no food for three days until you asked how she was just to guilt trip you. Did she me, no but I just know how she works. He!! she was with pop 30 damn years and he was a master manipulator.
I was given a premonition.... while I was moving her to my place. D72 (mom) was pulling up a rose bush she wanted to plant at my place, fell backwards, cracked her head on the walkway. Blood poured. I was inside her place boxing stuff up, saw a bunch of older women outside, went to investigate. Mom was on the ground, crying.... I asked who called 911, confusion, I pointed at one "call 911 NOW" they looked at me like I was a Commie from 1953. Her neighbor, one with common sense came over, had her hold her head up while I called 911. Three hours in ER with her, cranky as he!! because she wanted Taco Bell. Decided to be Bonnie Bad A$$ and jerk the needle out of her arm while waiting to be dismissed. Then was shocked blood poured from her arm.... ya think! Yes.... SHE raised me.... shocks me too.
I knew she needed to be in a nursing home but also was aware she would not go willingly. Mom knows they take your entire check minus maybe $30. Can't smoke in them, her precious Cokes are $6 per 12pack there in their "store," a 100% mark-up. Okay.... you can't drive anymore, let's try it. For the first few weeks she was bringing stuff out to move in.... golden. Worked in the yard (that was her passion) in 100 degree heat..... "Mom... come inside, you aren't young anymore." I begged her to go to bed early, wake early, work in yard early.... not too hot. Can't do it.... she will miss her cooking / food channel. Nothing like chain smoking and watching others cook schit until 3AM. Reminded me of my college days when I would smoke weed with friends and watch the infomercial about waxing your car.
Fast forward to end of July. I am leaving a lot out and may touch on at a later date.... I noticed her bytching and cussing began to emerge again. I addressed it immediately. Won't happen under my roof.... you mad, you deal with it. My birthday came.... I didn't think mom would be around to see my 44th. She didn't mention anything...... no harm, other things on her mind. End of the day, new gal informed me I'm being taken out for my B-day. As we are leaving.... "anything you care to say mom," nada. Never forgot my birthday.... didn't want anything from her, just a Gdamn Happy Birthday.... didn't happen. We returned around midnight, came in.... "Where in the fvck have you two been" Not cool.... almost addressed it then and there, waited. Embarrassed... yeah.
I will compact these few actions.....Mom was changing clothes in the AM in my card room.... fell, knocked over a desk of cards. Yeah Chuck... they're only cards.... well I make sets from single cards, sell them for extra $$, if you know what you are doing, you can make a pretty good living doing that alone. Then D72 schit, yes schit, in the floor as she was going to bathroom. The guest bathroom always had a water drip trail to the toilet.... yes birthing fat a$$ babies does that. But I do expect the water droplets to be cleaned up. Oh... and the schit in the hallway to as well. "I'm going into town, I will clean it when I return." DL pulled and still driving.... YAY. Next day.... "I ain't cleaning that up you are." Two days it sat there with towels upon it.... I was NOT cleaning up her Gdamn schit. I baited her into finally cleaning it.
Later that night, D72 became frustrated with..... WTFE and began yelling and cussing at me. I left and retired to my room. D72 proceeded to bang, kick on my door, yell how much of a sorry no good MF I was. She broke the lock..... I had the phone in my room, almost called. I slept that night with my feet against the door.... yes I am living with my MOTHER. She did say..... If abortions were legal when I was carrying you, I would have had one." Hurt? You bet your a$$ it did. No fvcking more.
Next night, same schit. I told her she needed to stop moving in and find another place to live. "You ain't had a Gdamn real job in ten years." I guess I pimp myself out to lonely women for money huh.... I guess a grad degree was nothing to her, actually she said I would never make it through grad school. Teaching in public schools were nothing, going after my PhD was nothing, but she always accepted my cash when it bought her something. It's funny, I began viewing her as a STBXW.
Called the police the next night..... long story short.... after mom admitted to her actions the night before.......they said "work it out." The po-po told me to stop being sarcastic...... let's just say my response somehow didn't land me in jail. See.... if I had beaten down the door with mom, they would have put me under the jail.... but her.... dat yo mawma, jist deel wif it. Sorry...... but he!!s no Bubba.
Mom has moved out.... had relatives, same ones who helped her move in..... move out.... two weeks later. God knows we are headlines on the family gossip mobile. WTFE
I never knew how much of a sorry no-good Gdamn MF I was....... until mom was moving in and told me so!!!!! Wow!!! I finished undergrad six weeks after pop died. Mom asked me to stick around awhile..... I did because I cared the world for her. Year in.... I met WC.... I stayed with her often to get away from mom's outbursts..... you do the math.
Sad ending no matter how you look at it. I gave 110% in helping her the last year. But it's over. I left everything on the field. No regrets.... As with pop, I want to remember her for what she was, not what she turned into. I just can't be around her any more. If she passes without us talking again.... guess that's my cross to bear. We ALL have crosses to bear.
44, no kids, job prospects drying up like a fart in the wind, no family left. Not the way I wanted to envision things.... 25 years ago. Always thought if I never married, no kids.... by now I would be a beach bum, jamming to Jimmy Buffet, sleeping in a hammock by day, writing novels by night. Try to remind myself.... could be worse.... three kids, divorced, XW took everything, turned kids against me, living in a "by the week" suite on the shady side of town. Making $2k a week.... paying out $1.5k a week.
I feel so much like Mike Thomas.... sitting on the deck that night wondering WTF his life went. Think I posted that part back in 2015.
A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past