Previous threads Is this Normal to Fell this Way? Crossroads: Sink or Swim Crossroads II: The Way
Crossroads III: The Launch
Anyone recall how you felt when you first rode a bicycle? We all were scared to death at first, we might fall. Falling is the worst thing in the world, but is it? We ride, we fall but we get back on that damn bike. We get scared to go over 10mph yet not long after, we are topping 50-60mph. What if you fall then..... what if you don't though? Is it "No Fear," fear, or some fear.
Few things have occurred over the last 4-5 months. I'll try to touch on a few. Save a few for later. I am engaged to be married this July. She is from Russia, 23, wants to toast a fifth of Vodka on our honeymoon. She said all she wants is seven kids, endless Vodka, hammer, sickle, and a tractor. Just kidding..... Seriously.... I have had to say goodbye to a few long term friends. One was a female, not my former IC / best female friend but both of us know this female. She and I hung out often way back in the day. We actually went out once 25 years ago, her cousin came along.... we all had a blast! But this gal thought I was flirting with her younger cousin.... I actually had an interest in this female friend but she had it in her mind I wanted her cousin. Still... later on... year / two later we did hang out in groups. She met a guy and for a number of years, she wasn't allowed to stay in touch with any of her friends..... even her female friends. They divorced... shocker huh?
They separated about a year before XW and I started our spiral. I would back chat with her (XW / Window Cork knew, even told her to talk to WC.... y'know females can relate to each other, etc.) while she went through her divorce. Well... until she decided to bang all the guys she could and well, offered it up to me. I declined, told WC and stopped back chatting. I guess a year passed.... she heard about my separation. We back chatted some.... she had started seeing a guy who wasn't ready yet but she kept pressuring him and she couldn't understand why he was pulling away (DUH). The first sign of me wanting to pull back and cut her off was her statement -Boy you don't let the damn ink dry before you're seeing another female- ... Yes I was seeing UG / 4th love before the D final. My reply -That's awful funny given the fact you were screwing guys not only before you were D, not only before you filed, not only before your D-Day but only after you told him 'yawl have issues.'- Enter her anger dump and my WTFE reply.
Fast forward to late 2014. Anyone remember CalGal? They worked for the same organization but different locales. She was pizzed at her "pretend b/f" (he wouldn't commit but wanted to date) and when she heard about me / CalGal, she was telling me how I "mistreated her and used her" and my reply.... just as how your pretend b/f does you huh? I don't do anger dumps. Another rant.... I stated -you are entitled to your opinion and so am i- I did not defriend her but I stopped back chatting with her. This was just after her learning UG and I split. When she asked what happened, I told her UG and I are through, I wanted it to work but she thought just showing up was enough and we agreed she needed to move out. Here it came.... you are so insensitive, you use people, you are making her homeless. My reply.... Just because you are pizzed at your pretend b/f does not give you any damn right to dump your schit on me a$$hole. She always likes to get the last word in but "I'm sorry you feel that way" does shut her up. After these two recent incidences... I was very tempted to defriend but out of respect for our long term friendship, I just stopped chatting with her. Oh... why was she mad? Her pretend b/f's Christmas gift to her was a NHL game in Nashville.... his favorite team. I could see why she was upset but.... dump on him, not me.
The last straw came around January.... my former IC / best female friend was just told about me having cancer and "ibedamned" she run off and told her. I'm a private person.... just because I tell someone something doesn't mean I want it on the damn airwaves. If I want people to know, I WILL TELL THEM. Anyway... we spoke for the first time in back chat in over a year. She asked about 1st love (thanks former IC), me... and mom. She had messaged me when she learned about mom back in September (again thanks former IC) but I never responded. She was upset I set up boundaries with my mom (her mom died around 15 years prior) and called me out. That was it for me.... to para-phrase "You unleash your anger on others because your own life is miserable and turned upside down and a 25 year friend would give support and empathy in times of turmoil. You have not done this at all for a good while. Best we call it now. Have a nice life." Defriended and blocked. 25 year friends you can count on one hand most of the time.... but it was long overdue.
The other who I had to walk away from was my high school / college running buddy. We were best friends.... we were very close for years. Females probably can't understand this dynamic but guys... you know exactly what I'm talking about. We would drag race, drink, hang out.... we even double dated when myself and 1st love were together and his future W (and XW) was close friends with 1st love. I was best man at his wedding in '92. He (we can call him TB) was there when 1st love and I broke up the first time back in '90.... first time 2nd love and I broke up in '94.... which was exactly when he and his W separated. The Fall '94 was rough for both of us... but we did learn..... what about doing the crazy stuff we used to do. No we weren't arrested but we probably should have a few times.....
He ended up dating an older woman the next year.... one he at first despised. Then she's moving in with him. I was -WTFH- We still hung out... until his new g/f began to get jealous and asked if we were -"butt buddies"- LOL I told him just do what you need to do if she's jealous and we can hang out after that schit goes away. We would hang out later but at his / her place. His g/f heard our old war stories and was scared if we started hanging out again *eyeroll* The main nail came a long time ago.....
In 1997 I was looking to invest in a duplex. I told TBs 2nd W about it (she just started selling real estate) and she said "when you find what you like, call me" YEAH..... this other guy in real estate busted his arse finding me something in my price range and...... he got the buyer. When I told TB.... he put his W on the phone and yes.... I got an ass chewing. I had her put TB back on.... "Your W sat on her GDamn dead arse and was not going to do a thing until I.....I found something, then walk in and get her commission. Is THAT what you and her think of me?" TB wanted to say something but I'm sure I knew who was standing right beside him tapping her feet. This action caused enough damage.... it never was even remotely close to how things were between us.
We did talk quite a bit when I was considering D'ing WC back in 2002. We chatted for hours one night after my 2012 D-Day. We did chat.... just nothing like before....they had no kids (hers were teens when they met). He eventually got into real estate... and when we would talk, every time he would approach me on a "deal of a lifetime." To me.... you don't do that type of schit to a "blood brother." It wasn't once or twice... it was every damn time.
We were chatting one day and I told him about my mom. Within five minutes, -deal of a lifetime- "Y'know TB... we were and in some ways will always be blood brothers but I am so Gdamn sick and tired of your angles. You know what pop did so I'm the last person you want to try and shovel BS through. See it for what it is... take care."
Cutting him out.... hurt... 100x more than the female I mentioned. The difference is... I am 110% done with the female friend, regardless. I'd still answer a call from TB at 4AM or if he showed up at my door in the middle of the night. That's where the blood comes in....
Are you here to help me or hinder me.... or as in TBs case... or to view me as a walking commission payout?