Re: Interested in YOU, how are you all doing?
It's been 8 months since our divorce was finalized, 2 years since he moved out with her, 1 year since they moved across the country together. We still have a huge financial obligation that should be resolved before the end of the year, thus we communicate through email concerning its changing status. His new GF is suspicious of him and has been calling me to try and verify his words (somehow got my phone #). I told him I don't need to talk to her to make her feel more secure and because her values make her a low-life non entity to me.
He has said how he misses us throughout but although his words give me some redemption, in the end they are words. In the last 4 months, he has been remorseful and very apologetic for the a$$hole he has been, admitting his actions were undeserving and cruel. He says he made the biggest mistake of his life, made a mess for me and us, and that he would do anything if he could come back & start a new life together. He even offered to sign a post-nup giving me everything he owns if he were to cheat or lie again.
When I read about those who have been betrayed wanting so much to reconcile, I wonder what percentage want this because they have been hurt so badly and it feels good to know the person you loved so much is paying attention to you again. I catch myself feeling good when he tells me she is a bad catch and he let the best thing in his life go. Then I get down on myself being vulnerable to ego. I know I will always have to be aware of that vulnerability.
The shock of the betrayal left me paralyzed & barely surviving but now I am doing fine, able to be alone, keeping busy with work, the gym, and friends & family. Even though people said it would get better, I never thought I would get here but here I am. I, also, have not dated yet but I'm not devastated and forlorn anymore. It would be nice to find someone who is a loyal trustworthy companion but I don't want to be with someone just because. So I try and dress up everyday, have upbeat optimistic conversations, sing along with the music, and smile as big as I can even when there is no reason to. My children don't worry about me like they did and that's important to me. Still have a ways to go but life is not as complicated as it was several years ago. I am very grateful I made it this far.
I'm still learning (& probably always will) from the posters at TAM and appreciate the opinions & wisdom of all who take the time to share. When I read, I am always impressed with all of you who take the time to reach out to others to help them. After being betrayed, it's nice to know there are very genuine people, both men and women who care sincerely about others....a big genuine thank you hug to all of you.
P.S. My hair is long now too JB!