Scared for my kids!?! - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

User Tag List

 142Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 07:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 250
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Sounds like you're on top of this, +1.

If all the authorities are involved, all the reports are filed, you've put them on notice in writing, AND you've contacted your attorney..you didn't mention that....s/he can file an emergency protective order that at least forbids him from participating in visitation, based on all the current documentation.

Unicus is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 08:26 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 24
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unicus View Post
Sounds like you're on top of this, +1.

If all the authorities are involved, all the reports are filed, you've put them on notice in writing, AND you've contacted your attorney..you didn't mention that....s/he can file an emergency protective order that at least forbids him from participating in visitation, based on all the current documentation.
Waiting to see who things shake out in next day or so before involving lawyer. Think visit to pediatrician today could really shake things loose with child protection.
Surfer Joe is offline  
post #18 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 08:36 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Somewhere else...
Posts: 3,116
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera2 View Post
I think you need to present a united front to EVERYone involved. "My child appears to be in danger and I am protecting my child." Nothing more, nothing less. Do NOT be afraid of your ex's reaction. BTW, she is acting just like an abused woman; she's afraid of him, too.
This.

Hopeful and praying that you can get your kids out of this dreadful situation.
*Deidre* is offline  
 
post #19 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 09:13 PM
Member
 
EunuchMonk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 575
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfer Joe View Post

Another weird thing. My mom sent me a text after she picked them up and she said my kids told her that they had just "found out" that his two kids were their cousins?? What the heck? I know kids misunderstand things, but come on...doesn't that seem odd??
What does this mean, OP?

Last edited by EunuchMonk; 06-28-2016 at 09:22 PM.
EunuchMonk is offline  
post #20 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-28-2016, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 24
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by EunuchMonk View Post
What does this mean, OP?
I have no idea. I thought it was an insanely weird thing for them to say. They are most definitely NOT cousins. They live together 50% of the time...but why tell them that? I know kids pick up on things...but it was made to me to sound like someone told them that. Very, very odd things going on...
Surfer Joe is offline  
post #21 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 12:11 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,210
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Have you checked this guy's criminal record?
EleGirl is online now  
post #22 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 06:08 AM
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,616
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

As for the "cousins" remark-I suspect she is only repeating what the boyfriend said, and he said it in a cheap attempt to make everyone family. Like those "uncles" who really aren't, but are just family friends that feel like family. But that's just a guess.

If your ex is being abused, well we don't know. If she is, she clearly isn't ready to admit it, and certainly not to you. Its not uncommon for an abuse victim to defend and excuse the actions of their abusers. The victims feel ashamed and are in denial that someone they let in their lives would hurt them. If its true, it will come out. Focus on your kids-she isn't your concern-your kids safety is your concern.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
Pluto2 is offline  
post #23 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 08:06 AM
Member
 
foolscotton3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 311
Re: Scared for my kids!?!


I had the same issue with my son (was 9-10) when my now ex-wife and I lived together.

Our marriage lasted almost 2 years, he had accidents on a daily basis. She wasn't physically abusive, but he was terrified of her and would soil himself whenever he was around her.

We tried everything for 2 years, discipline was probably the most damaging approach to this sort of issue because then the child tries to hide the issue.

I've gotten some excellent advice from @EleGirl, @jld, and others.

The thing that worked the best was minimizing his time spent at my house when my ex was around, never leaving him with her when I am not around, and teaching him to take responsibility for cleaning himself up (rather than hiding it)

She will begin to hide it, so the last suggestion is the most important.

Accident free since April 17 2015, the day I told him it will be just us for awhile and separated. My ex wasn't the cause of the accidents, but my son was very stressed out, depressed, and scared of her presence. She wasn't welcoming of him in the least, the accidents played a big part in her pushing him away from the marriage, and pushing him away had a big part to the accidents.


Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk
foolscotton3 is offline  
post #24 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 08:10 AM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,540
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by foolscotton3 View Post

I had the same issue with my son (was 9-10) when my now ex-wife and I lived together.

Our marriage lasted almost 2 years, he had accidents on a daily basis. She wasn't physically abusive, but he was terrified of her and would soil himself whenever he was around her.

We tried everything for 2 years, discipline was probably the most damaging approach to this sort of issue because then the child tries to hide the issue.

I've gotten some excellent advice from @EleGirl, @jld, and others.

The thing that worked the best was minimizing his time spent at my house when my ex was around, never leaving him with her when I am not around, and teaching him to take responsibility for cleaning himself up (rather than hiding it)

She will begin to hide it, so the last suggestion is the most important.

Accident free since April 17 2015, the day I told him it will be just us for awhile and separated. My ex wasn't the cause of the accidents, but my son was very stressed out, depressed, and scared of her presence. She wasn't welcoming of him in the least, the accidents played a big part in her pushing him away from the marriage, and pushing him away had a big part to the accidents.


Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk
So very, very glad she is not in his life anymore, foolscotton.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #25 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 24
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Have you checked this guy's criminal record?
Yes. In my state it is a very simple search. He has a long record. Battery, criminal trespass, restraining orders, getting busted for ignoring restraining orders, hitting a cop, prescription drug abuse.

The domestic stuff scares me the most (obviously). He's been accused of domestic issues before. He claims it was because his now ex-wife and her boyfriend were out to get him. That doesn't explain hitting a police officer and stuff like that.

Also, a lot of money judgments and stuff like that.

He has done time in prison on several instances and is currently on probation from last offense. He got out of prison for the whole trespass, assaulting an officer thing and he claims he was "tricked" into visiting his kids which caused him to be picked up for violating a domestic order.

I looked him up on my own. Her friends actually looked him up independently.

Surfer Joe is offline  
post #26 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 09:05 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 24
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

She sent me a text late last night "suggesting" that it would be best if I met her at the door when I dropped off the kids.

She was apparently afraid of a confrontation between me and the boyfriend. I am not a physical person.

I told her I had no issue maintaining my composure in front of the kids, but if she was concerned about him, I understood and thanked her.

She took offense to that and I asked why. Why would she be concerned about something happening and then take offense when I acknowledged it?

She said she was not concerned about him?

I asked her what she thought I would do? She kept saying she was worried something would be said in front of the kids.

I finally just let it go...but I was seething.

Oh yeah, he added that HIS ex doesn't come in the house when she drops his kids off. This is all fine - I don't want to see him - but since when did it become HIS house? He has no job. He doesn't pay the mortgage on the condo. He just lives there. Also, since when did HE start making decisions for her?

This whole exchange just served to make me more suspicious. I felt it was very, very odd.

I did drop them off at the door this morning. Again, I don't really want to see him. I'm hoping CPS comes through today or tomorrow. The pediatrician seemed to think that things would happen faster, now. I hope so.
Surfer Joe is offline  
post #27 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 09:11 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 24
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

This guy's deal is that he likes to claim that the world has been out to get him. All of his troubles have been the fault of someone else (which is kind of how my ex is)...but at least in her case it has never led to multiple jail stints.

He has been accused of things like this before...and sometimes they have stuck.

It has never been my goal to be out to get him. The more stable my ex's life is, the more stable my kid's life is (and my life is). All I know is that she was allowed to spend the day alone with him and my son and his two kids and she came home with the beginnings of a large bruise on her rear and a story about being spanked by him. I did not prompt the story. I assumed it was because of the diarrhea she had because they were pumping her full of Miralax.

What else was I supposed to do? He is lucky I didn't simply call the cops (which I will the next time it happens).

He can claim he is being persecuted and picked on. He can claim I'm out to get him (just like everyone else is)...but he cannot explain away the fact that she had a hand print shaped bruise on her body and a claim that he did it. A claim she made to several people.

The guy is a piece of work and I really feel like he is manipulating my ex. He has moved in and taken control of her life and her condo and everything and he rules over it...spending his days smoking cigarettes (that she buys him), playing games on his phone, and watching movies...and apparently emotionally and physically abusing children...
Surfer Joe is offline  
post #28 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 09:20 AM
Member
 
foolscotton3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 311
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Child abuse restraining orders and injunctions.
You wouldn't be the first or last person to file this against him.

I would get on this as soon as possible, you can file the motion without an attorney, you already have a report from her physician, he would probably be required to testify, having your uncle testify and your daughter's recordings are more than enough to get a protective order.

He won't suffer punitive damages unless he violates the order, so no actions will be taken against him, but it will certainly change the environment and probably wake your ex up.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk
foolscotton3 is offline  
post #29 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 09:28 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 250
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Joe, the next step really is spending the money to have your attorney file an immediate protective order and/or a change in the parenting plan to prevent him from participating in visitation.

Your plan to "let DCS" take care of it is naive, with or without the pediatrician's report. If your concerns are well founded and accurate, your choice to basically take the cheapest yet most ineffective route could put them in even greater harm, yes?

We read in the papers all the time, unfortunately, about some awful tragedy that seems just so avoidable. Don't become one of them.
Unicus is offline  
post #30 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 09:31 AM
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfer Joe View Post
He has done time in prison on several instances and is currently on probation from last offense. He got out of prison for the whole trespass, assaulting an officer thing and he claims he was "tricked" into visiting his kids which caused him to be picked up for violating a domestic order.
See if you can find out who his parole officer is. He has minimal rights on parole. There may be restrictions on him about being around kids. If you report what happened to the parole officer that officer may investigate and possibly put him back in jail.
larry.gray is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I hate our neighbors. H and I can't agree on how to handle them. kag123 General Relationship Discussion 26 05-03-2016 05:39 PM
Fighting in front of kids maven.marvel General Relationship Discussion 15 04-11-2016 03:44 PM
Is it Ok to treat kids differently in a family? erlingyiwu The Ladies' Lounge 18 12-07-2015 01:56 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome