Scared for my kids!?! - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Life After Divorce Divorce is complicated, and change is never easy to cope with. Use this section for help and advice on living life after a divorce.

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post #31 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 10:09 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by Unicus View Post
Joe, the next step really is spending the money to have your attorney file an immediate protective order and/or a change in the parenting plan to prevent him from participating in visitation.

Your plan to "let DCS" take care of it is naive, with or without the pediatrician's report. If your concerns are well founded and accurate, your choice to basically take the cheapest yet most ineffective route could put them in even greater harm, yes?

We read in the papers all the time, unfortunately, about some awful tragedy that seems just so avoidable. Don't become one of them.
Thank you for pointing that out, I was afraid to myself. Often when children are murdered, we find out that CPS was pending an investigation. For someone that has just gotten out of prison, desperate measures are considered deliberate to staying out of prison. Children end up dead. I trained this guy and was working with him until the sheriff took him away. I knew he had anger issues, and witnessed it first hand.

These kids belong to you, not CPS, it is your job to protect them as their father.

START HERE

This guy is an abuser, he will continue to abuse whomever he can for as long as he can. This should push him out of your children's lives, he isn't going to fight it, it's not worth him fighting it, look at his history on ccap... He will take notice and move on to the next opportunity, or back into someone's basement.

File the restraining order, and end this. CPS will catch up with him in a year or so, hopefully he isn't abusing someone else at that time.

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post #32 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unicus View Post
Joe, the next step really is spending the money to have your attorney file an immediate protective order and/or a change in the parenting plan to prevent him from participating in visitation.

Your plan to "let DCS" take care of it is naive, with or without the pediatrician's report. If your concerns are well founded and accurate, your choice to basically take the cheapest yet most ineffective route could put them in even greater harm, yes?

We read in the papers all the time, unfortunately, about some awful tragedy that seems just so avoidable. Don't become one of them.
I'm learning how to get through this as a I go. I quickly learning that hoping "child services" will do anything is probably not going to fix things like they need to be fixed.

I am going to look into what has been suggested and figure out a course of action.

Thank you all for the advice!
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post #33 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 10:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by foolscotton3 View Post
Thank you for pointing that out, I was afraid to myself. Often when children are murdered, we find out that CPS was pending an investigation. For someone that has just gotten out of prison, desperate measures are considered deliberate to staying out of prison. Children end up dead. I trained this guy and was working with him until the sheriff took him away. I knew he had anger issues, and witnessed it first hand.

These kids belong to you, not CPS, it is your job to protect them as their father.

START HERE

This guy is an abuser, he will continue to abuse whomever he can for as long as he can. This should push him out of your children's lives, he isn't going to fight it, it's not worth him fighting it, look at his history on ccap... He will take notice and move on to the next opportunity, or back into someone's basement.

File the restraining order, and end this. CPS will catch up with him in a year or so, hopefully he isn't abusing someone else at that time.

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This is some good stuff. Thanks for sharing and a good place to start.
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post #34 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 10:45 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Does your ex own a gun? If he has a domestic violence conviction he is prohibited from being around a gun. That would send him back to jail too.
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post #35 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 10:47 AM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Just a word of caution here... Is it possible everyone is overreacting a bit? Spanking is generally common practice for parenting here in the states. Also, you don't get to determine who can and can't discipline your kids while they're at your XW's. That's her job since you have separate households. Just like she doesn't get to determine that at your house.

I may be wrong here, maybe he was genuinely abusive. Or maybe you and your W have a "no spanking" policy. Or any number of things. Just tossing out some questions.

On a separate note, if your DD has a rash and pain from the diarrhea, I would use this. You can get it at any feed store. Cures that stuff in a heartbeat. Way better than the things you can get at a pharmacy IMO.

Do you hear the people sing / Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people / Who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth / There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end / And the sun will rise...
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post #36 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 01:15 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Hopefully there won't be a next time but please call police immediately so there is a report on it. Plus with his background it will only give you leverage. Please assure your children that they must tell you everything that happens (sometimes they feel threatened) last do they have their own phone they can contact you with in case something happens again? Set up a plan if he is being abusive have them run out of the house at a safe location and call you. Immediately involve police.


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post #37 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 01:17 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

Last thing ask about his boys? Any odd behavior towards your kids? Maybe bullying? you are an amazing dad for being protective over them! Great job dad!!


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post #38 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 02:34 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

No way on Earth would I return my kids back to a situation like this. Don't rely on other people to protect them, you need to protect them yourself.
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post #39 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 02:52 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by Kivlor View Post
Just a word of caution here... Is it possible everyone is overreacting a bit? Spanking is generally common practice for parenting here in the states. Also, you don't get to determine who can and can't discipline your kids while they're at your XW's. That's her job since you have separate households. Just like she doesn't get to determine that at your house.
Leaving the overall spanking / no-spanking issue aside spanking doesn't leave bruises that a doctor can detect and identify days later. That is way beyond spanking and into abuse.

You do get to determine who can and cannot discipline your kids. Just because they are with your ex-spouse doesn't mean that your responsibility for them ends. You would hope that you can trust your ex with their safety, even if not everything is they way you would like it, but if that isn't being adhered to then it is every parents responsibility to protect their children.

If she won't do that then he has to.
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post #40 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 02:56 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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No way on Earth would I return my kids back to a situation like this. Don't rely on other people to protect them, you need to protect them yourself.
While I fully agree with your sentiment the reality of the situation is that if he withholds the children from their mother as dictated by the court then she can press charges against him and restrict his access.

He is doing the right thing by taking the necessary steps to prove that she is not acting in their best interests and legally being able to hold onto them.

I can't imagine what he goes through when he has to return them to her.

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post #41 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 03:53 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

You could file a expedited motion to modify custody to obtain sole physical custody of the kids until such time as CPS can complete its investigation. I have no idea if the concern for potential abuse alone would be sufficient to win a modification. But it would certainly put this issue in the record.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #42 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 04:27 PM
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

This is the one guy - he ought be afraid of. His parole officer.

I would get in contact with that guy - and meet with him. He likely knows the best way to manage people like this.

I would also get your ex wife to sign a modification to your custody agreement explicitly promising not to leave the kids in his "care".

If she violates such an agreement - you might be able to get sole custody.

If she refuses - and you take her to family court - they will gut her - for allowing a person with his record - to watch your kids.



Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
See if you can find out who his parole officer is. He has minimal rights on parole. There may be restrictions on him about being around kids. If you report what happened to the parole officer that officer may investigate and possibly put him back in jail.
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post #43 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by WonkyNinja View Post
While I fully agree with your sentiment the reality of the situation is that if he withholds the children from their mother as dictated by the court then she can press charges against him and restrict his access.

He is doing the right thing by taking the necessary steps to prove that she is not acting in their best interests and legally being able to hold onto them.

I can't imagine what he goes through when he has to return them to her.
Yeah, I've looked into this. You're right. I cannot withhold access and yes, it is tough to return them to her. Not because I want to withhold them from her. I want them to be with their mother, but right now I don't believe she is in her right mind. I think this bum needs to get gone and I'm working my towards that goal. I just want to make sure I it correctly and that I do it so he doesn't get a second chance.

I will make this a reality one way or another.
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post #44 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 04:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by WonkyNinja View Post
Leaving the overall spanking / no-spanking issue aside spanking doesn't leave bruises that a doctor can detect and identify days later. That is way beyond spanking and into abuse.

You do get to determine who can and cannot discipline your kids. Just because they are with your ex-spouse doesn't mean that your responsibility for them ends. You would hope that you can trust your ex with their safety, even if not everything is they way you would like it, but if that isn't being adhered to then it is every parents responsibility to protect their children.

If she won't do that then he has to.
From what I understand, any spanking that leaves a bruise is considered child abuse in my state.

Personally, I have never spanked them as I don't believe it works. My opinion. She swatted them a few times while we were married, but never very hard. She slapped them a few times, too. I made it clear I did not accept that and did not want to see it happen.
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post #45 of 72 (permalink) Old 06-29-2016, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Scared for my kids!?!

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Originally Posted by xxyesenia25 View Post
Last thing ask about his boys? Any odd behavior towards your kids? Maybe bullying? you are an amazing dad for being protective over them! Great job dad!!


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There was some bullying early on, but that seems to have gone away. My kids appear to genuinely like hanging out with his kids. That is a good thing.
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